I have said a LOT of swear words in the last week. First I got sick, then Lucy got sick, then Lucy missed a week of school and woke up three times every night screaming that we hadn't said goodnight to her (us, baffled: LIES) while running a wicked fever (us, touching her forehead: OHHHHHH). Then there were school delays and early dismissals and then Asher had two ENTIRE DAYS off of school which coincided beautifully with a 9AM dentist appointment during an ICE STORM. I did not feel I could cancel the dentist appointment at the last minute, seeing as how I had confirmed that we would be in attendance at the dentist appointment no fewer than FIVE TIMES. By email (twice), by text (twice), by phone call. WE ARE COMING TO THE DAMNED APPOINTMENT. (See? The swearing? I'm so sorry.)
this child-centered chaos there remains a puppy, who has not grown up
all that much since the last time I complained about him, although he
HAS generally stopped stealing food off the table while we're eating.
Small win. Unfortunately due to recent precipitation, our backyard has turned
into a mud pit which the dog goes out to DIG IN, to find some nice
rocks to chew. I wish that last sentence was made up solely for your
enjoyment, but it was not. My floors... ah, actually, no. No, I can't
even talk about my floors. It HURTS, what this dog does to the
floors. I am going to need some blood pressure medication. I wish I
had some left over from my post-preeclampsia days. That and also a Roomba that's also a mop. Do they MAKE a Roomba that's also a mop?!
Last weekend I actually broke down in big sobby theatrical tears and wailed and wept angrily at Dave for close to an hour about The State of My Life. It sounds stupid, I know, to let a puppy be the catalyst for a meltdown of postpartum proportions, but it was. It was so cold outside and I was having to stand outside and watch this idiot dog wander around the yard 45 times an hour (we do not have a fence) while the kids yelled at each other or for me inside the house, and if I left the dog to go back inside, he would NOT pee or poop, but wander to other people's decks and porches and... eat stuff. Like maybe their shoes or their trash, and then if he saw them inside their homes? He'd just scratch on their doors and yelp, like he'd been wandering aimlessly for years and was finally seeing his first glimpse of humanity. So it was stressful, standing outside in 12-degree weather and trying to control my dog's bowels with my mind. Also: impossible. All this while kids were sick and I was sick and we weren't getting out of the house at ALL and this eventually devolved to me screeching, I HAVE NO FRIEEEEEENDS! which isn't even TRUE, you guys, but it FELT true, because I felt so ALONE AND SHIVERY OUT THERE IN THE BACKYARD FOR HOURS AT A TIME.
At some point in our “discussion” (which was mostly me making demands through my tears) I made Dave promise to buy me a leash to tie the dog outside on, so that he could at least pee and poop without me standing over him and making sure he wasn't trying to break in to the neighbors' houses or ask their dogs out to play. Which he did, eventually, and I appreciate it, I really do, but you guys. He bought a leash that is too short to REACH TO THE BACK DOOR. Does this completely defeat the purpose?! YES IT DOES. So I am actually STILL GOING OUTSIDE to tie him up to the leash. I am having to walk TEN FEET outside, and it is STILL COLD, and I have to wear a BRA to do this because if I don't, you KNOW that's the moment the neighbors walk by with their trash can. Dave insists that if we had a longer leash that the dog would just wind himself around stuff and you know what, he's probably right, but you know what ELSE, which is that I DON'T REALLY CARE. He really likes chewing on rocks! If his leash is wound around a tree, SO WHAT, there are probably rocks RIGHT THERE UNDER HIS NOSE. Enjoy! BON APPETIT! So I'm buying another leash ASAP.
I'm feeling a LITTLE more stable this week, but some regular-strength PMS is complicating the situation. I've been frustrated by trying to fit workouts in... if I get up early to run the dog barks in his crate when I leave (while the kids are still sleeping) and if I try to do a workout video (especially when it's cold), I have to wait for the dog to take a NAP like a freaking NEWBORN or else he plants himself directly in front of me and gets stepped on during calisthenics or attacks me when I do crunches. IT IS SO NOT AMUSING. He also attempts to get in the shower with me AFTER the workout, which is unsettling at best, and also gross, as no matter how dry I get myself before I step out, he cannot stop himself from trying to lick the water or lotion off my legs, which ICK. Dog tongue bath: DO NOT RECOMMEND.
On the other hand, he is doing great with the kids and I appreciate his temperament and his patience SO SO much (despite my scolding, Lucy sits on him A LOT) and the kids are so in love with him that I don't think I could send him back to the farm like I've threatened approximately 7,497 times since Sunday. Looks like he's going to stick.