The Library: We are doing it wrong

We went to the library for the first time today. No really, you guys, THE FIRST TIME. Library Virgins, for reals. I mean, yes, I've been to the library before (just last week, actually, after a... oh, I don't know, a 12-year hiatus?) but I've never taken the kids and I was feeling weird about that. I'm not exactly sure WHY I was feeling weird – I guess maybe because the library seems to be such an integral part of the routine for so many other families we know? Like maybe we're really missing out on something amazing-slash-free? Or maybe just because I'm sending my oldest child to kindergarten next year and I don't want the stinkeye from the kindergarten teacher on back to school night when it is discovered that his first visit to the school library is his first experience with the Dewey Decimal system, like, EVER.

Unfortunately (fortunately?) I am here to tell you that we went to the library, and it was just barely tolerable. BARELY. For starters, apparently we do not have one of those Forward Thinking Libraries, the ones I have heard about with train tables and the puzzles and the soft places to sit and read and/or some other kind of magical child atmosphere. Nope, ours is your basic library, with shelves and books and some tables and chairs and a big ugly mural in the Reading Room of nursery rhymes, none of which my children were remotely familiar with. (“That lady LIVES in that shoe? Why would she live in a SHOE, MOM?” “What's 'blind' mean? How DID those mice not be able to see anymore? What HAPPENED to those mice?” “But cows CAN'T jump over moons; that's pretend, right?”)

This is the problem with nearly EVERYTHING I do – I can't manage to think beyond INITIAL EXPERIENCES. So when prepping my children for the library, I could only think in terms of general behavior – you know, what we'd do as soon as we walked in. We talked extensively about what other people are doing at the library (working, studying, reading), then we had an extensive discussion about what studying is, then I had them repeat our General Rules for Being Out in Public Without a Leash, which are 1) no running, 2) no screaming, 3) no spinning (this is a rule based on past experiences that I never wish to recreate) and 4) no laying down on the floor. Then we talked about inside voices and whispering and just trying as hard as we can to be quiet so no one is disturbed by our presence. (“Mom, what's 'disturbed by our presence'?”)

Here's the thing I conveniently forgot about the library: IT'S NOT BARNES AND NOBLE. The books are all shelved spine out, save for the meager amount on display. And children's books are SKINNY, so there's EYE STRAIN involved in reading the spines. And I tried to appreciate how the kids were trying to be independent and look at what they wanted to look at without involving me but that meant they were pulling what looks like HUNDREDS of books off the shelves in order to see the picture on the front cover and then dumping them on a table which is earning us dirty looks from the librarian who, I am certain, does not look forward to reshelving the random selections of a three-year-old for the rest of the day.

Somehow, you guys, I overlooked that my children CANNOT READ. I mean, yes, Asher can read, LABORIOUSLY, but he is not going to pull a chair up to a shelf and be able to pick out a title that sounds interesting, you know? I know this NOW. I did not think of it THEN, eight hours ago, when we walked into the library and I somehow expected them to... oh, this embarrasses me to even SAY it now, but I expected them to... maybe... BROWSE? Yeah, I don't even know what I could have been thinking.

So that leaves the question of WHAT, exactly, am I doing wrong? Are those of you who are enjoying the library enjoying a PARTICULAR library with cushy perks? Are you taking one child at a time? Are you going by yourself and just bringing your kid home some books you thought they might like? Because I am not going back to the library if I have to wrestle a crappy book away from Lucy every single time. I am TRYING to let her choose what she wants, but she chose a book with an innocent looking penguin on the cover and then when I opened it and READ it, it was like terrible emo penguin poetry and I am NOT going to read terrible emo penguin poetry to Lucy for the next week in the interest of encouraging a love of literacy. I'm not even kidding, the book was written from the mother penguin's perspective and said something like, “And I will be HERE for you, in the FROZEN ARCTIC TUNDRA, protecting you from the ice and cold even though the wind stings my eyes and I am SAD” and I'm sorry, WHAT? New rule for the library: Animal poetry must be FUNNY ANIMAL POETRY.

Anyway, thoughts? On the library? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG HERE?

Comments

[Jenn]

As someone who used to volunteer at a library and spent a lot of time putting away hundreds of books that kids pulled off the shelf and left on a table, yes, it is extremely annoying, but it is better than parents and kids just shoving them wherever they feel like putting them.

I'm sure different libraries in your area are different and have different programs and things to do. I'd check out a few different ones and see if you can find one you like.

[Anne]

Your library sounds kind of sucky (no offense). To be perfectly honest, I don't even take my kids to the library for the books (3 1/2, almost 2, and 4 months). There are puzzles, and giant bead mazes, and a puppet show set up, and magnetic letters, and water fountains, and 70 gazillion other random toys that we don't have at home. And dvds! We generally check out a couple dvds, and that in itself is very exciting. We haven't even started with all the computers with games for older kids. Find a library with a better children's area, and you'll get it.

[Beth]

Your mistake was going to R-----, I assume. They hate kids there. Look one county west and go to C-------. No bean bag chairs or train tables, but librarians who will spend half an hour searching for the perfect Spiderman book for your kid makes it so worth it.

[Erica]

I used to go to the library with my kids but I haven't been there in over a year. It was just too difficult with the kids. Same as you, they were pulling books out. But also running around, being loud and generally not listening to me at all. Plus we once ripped a page from a book from there, which they were super nice about, but still, I hated that feeling. So I just buy books at our secondhand store for 20 cents and call it done.

[Erin]

Trying taking them to story time first- they'll get to have fun at the library and start to see what they can do there and you'll learn more about your library's children's programs! My almost-2-year-old is a crazed handful in the children's section, but does great at story time because it is set up for her to play and wander and learn about books and toys and stuff.

[Julie]

Does your library have story time for the younguns? That's what I do with my 3 year old when her brother is in school. Of course, she can't read yet, but she loves to listen and sing songs with the librarian who basically puts on a little show. Then I try to find books with subjects she might like. I often get it wrong, but it minimizes the giant, child-pulled pile. (Also, she has an inner beacon for all things princess, so she just turns on that homing device and goes right to those books. I have no idea how that works.)

The exposure is great, and your kids will learn to love the library, I'm sure. You don't even need to spend that much time - just go in, pick up a few books, check out, and go. It gives them the idea at least. Everything else will come with time.

[A'Dell]

Ours is kind of cushy and has the books shelved but also some in bins for easy picking. There is also an aquarium, which is BY FAR Claire's favorite part.

I usually let Claire poke around and the tell her toselect ten books. Any ten she wants. Some of them suck but some are good. I steer her to the age appropriate section.

We don't linger, though. She cannot handle being in there and quiet and behaving for more than about 20 minutes, MAX.

(Of course, we haven't been since last summer when she ripped her library books and I just returned them in the book drop like a terrible person.)

(I am sure they have a big bill with my name on it at the desk.)

(I am so embarrassed, we will probably never go back.)

[Michelle]

Two words: online requests. I seach the books I want (usually based on authors we like, highly rated on Amazon, etc.) and put in online requests. At my library you can request up to 20 titles, I think. Then they pull the books for you and send an email notification when they are ready for pickup. So when we go to the library, we go grab our stack of "preapproved" books and then I let the kids go poke around and choose a few at random. Everyone leaves happy.

[Jesabes]

Our library puts the young-children books in wooden bins. You browse through them by the covers AND they're arranged by subject (princesses, Dora, etc). My two-year-old browses and picks her own books. I sneak the ones I don't really want back in the bin while she's...playing in the awesome play area. Apparently my library rocks.

[Brigid Keely]

Our library branch is ass, so I usually reserve books online then go in and pick them up and look through every. single. book. to make sure it's not torn up/missing pages/etc. If we go in person (I have an almost-3-year-old) I usually look for authors I know, select some books, check to make sure they aren't trashed, and see if any of them strike his fancy.

[Cathy]

I would say your library is not geared towards kids. Yes, they have kids books, but they don't really encourage kids hanging around.

When my daughter was little, we were at the library all the time. We went to the library programs (where I met the moms we had playgroup at) and they had tons of toys and a whole area set aside for kids to play.

And I agree with Anne--we used the library to borrow videos and play on the computers quite a bit!

[Beret]

You have to go scout it out first. Think of things your kids are interested in and find that "section". My son was obsessed with dinosaurs last year and they had a whole section of books about them. Sure, they were huge, with words way above his reading level but he enjoyed paging through them. I could just sit him down in front of that area and he'd "browse". As for Lucy, find the picture books and let her loose. Pick 10 off the shelf and let her pick whichever ones she wants. Even if it's Emo poetry, you can skip parts when you read it or just make up stories about the pictures.

[Gia]

My kids love the library. Ours is small but they seem to feel the kids are an integral part of our community so the kids area is smack in the middle of the library and HUGE compared to the rest of the library. They have storytime, bean bags, tons of stuffed animals and most of the little kid book are stacked in bins or in tables with book slots. Lots of kid activities. There is even a deck that overlooks a heavily wooded area so the kids can take books outside to sit and read (when weather is warmer).

I think you need to try a different library.

[Swistle]

Our library has several good things for kids (a coloring table, a play kitchen, a puppet area) and it is STILL a baffling ordeal to bring the children. I only bring a child if I'm ONLY thinking of it as an activity (and/or library behavior training session) for the child, or maybe need to grab one book for myself, or am truly desperate. If I want to get books AND have an enjoyable time, I go by myself.

Paul goes once a week to get just books for the kids (he does the nightly reading, so he likes to choose). He will bring Elizabeth, who at 6 will sit in a chair and read a book to herself, but not Henry, who will race around. And if his goal is books for himself, he goes on his way home from work.

We've also discovered the joys of online requesting: we request all the books we want, and so then when it's our turn for them, they're waiting for us at the desk.

[Jen]

We've been to the library a few times but YES. AGREED. Not exactly 'browsing' time. I usually limit it to 15 minutes or so. Pick 3 or 4 books to take home (which takes 5 secs- she can't really read either so she just picks them at random and DONE.) Our library does have a nice little table for coloring, so I let her color a picture then we're done. I haven't actually taken her since Audrey was a baby and I could carry her in the Ergo, because chasing a screeching toddler around the library just doesn't sound like much fun. The library: good in theory, horrific in reality.

[Sara]

I bring my 2-year-old twins to the library infrequently, because it is incredibly stressful for me. They love it! There is a nice children's area with toys etc, but they last 10 seconds there then are running insanely from shelf to shelf yanking books and DVDs and CDs to the floor with great joy. And always in different directions, of course. Other people's 2-year-olds LOOK at the books, at least. I only go with as a house-bound-nowhere-to-go last resort

[Shannon]

Yeah, you need to find a better library that has children's programs! Ours has a mom and tot story time and a preschool story time (age 3-5 and the children go unaccompanied so you can spend the time reading a no el or a magazine or picking out some books that are not emo penguin poetry!) and in the summer they have all kinds of programs every week. There are little theatre productions and a book club where they read a book, watch a short film and do a craft or a science hour or special guests who read, talk about various kid friendly topics, do magic shows or other performance type shows. Seriously. Find a better library! Particularly in the summer my library does half of my parenting! And I live in a smallish Canadian city. I bet the big city ones have lePrachauns and unicorns greet you at the door.

[Therese]

We only do storytime at the library. After storytime, we stay for a bit and they do puzzles a the kids' tables (our library has a nice kid's room) and then we leave. We have not yet reached the point of browsing and checking out books...

[Carla Hinkle]

Yes, definitely see if you can find a branch more friendly to children. Go during story time. And online requests are great.

And also, for yourself--most libraries have digital lending now! For your kindle, iDevice, or other phone/tablet. Think of the mobey you'll save on books for YOURSELF!!

[hannah]

I take both kids and this is my library strategy:

-place my own books on hold online so they are at the front when we check out (the kids have NO tolerance for browsing for adult books)

-head to a particular author (Scarry, Marc Brown, Dr Seuss, whatever) and grab two or three books for my almost 5 year old to choose from

-go over to the board book area and let my 2.5 year old pull a few

-once they each have two books, head to the "holiday/developmental" section and pick out a book about an upcoming holiday and/or potty training or whatever topic I think I am going to magically get my kids into by reading. I like this section because it is off to itself and the kids can run up and down that aisle without the grownups who have for whatever reason chosen to do their work in the children's area giving me the stinkeye when James is yelling "WE HAVE TO BE QUIET! THIS IS A LIBRARY!" at the top of his lungs

-Pray the line to checkout is short and the terrible librarian who snips at you if you don't arrange your books with the barcode facing up isn't working and James doesn't knock over the please wait here sign and/or tear all the books off the the rotating racks they place by the checkout line because they hate me.

It's not great but it has gotten a lot better. I also try to schedule our library trips the day before we go to Disneyland so I can say, "If you don't behave, no Disney."

[Beth]

This made me laugh...we just went to the library yesterday. We (myself and my 6 and 2 year old daughters) go about every 4 weeks. It's been a process, but I've never done anything but first looked for books for myself while they waited, usually less than patiently, then we go downstairs to the kids' section, which isn't amazing, but has a coloring table, train table and some seating. They pick out books, or I do it for them while they play. No, they can't read, but they can pick books that look interesting to them, and my oldest knows where the Franklin/Arthur/etc. books are. However, we've had our share of mishaps at the library...just yesterday, my 2 yo had an accident, and of course I did not have any extra clothes for her, so it was out the door for us! Maybe you need to find a better library, and teach them what a library trip is all about. They'll learn to love it!

[Jessica]

I take my children to our local library once a week. They have story tellers that come in on the evenings to read to the kids, they do a small craft and then pick out books to bring home and read. I would find a library that offers programs for children- as it sounds like the library you chose may not be a very child friendly one!

[Angela (@Aferg22)]

I definitely recommend the online hold system. Once I discovered my library's system, I have become addicted and now visit the library at least once a week. My library has an app! How cool is that? Anyway, the one time I took my 5 yo with me to "browse" for books, it was very frustrating because I am not up on all the best and latest kid lit, and all of the books are shelved by author, and I couldn't remember who wrote what. Now, I look up books online (there are lots of sites with book recommendations and I also look at the NY Times best seller's list)and add them to my "for later" list- I have about 250 books on that list, most are for me, but some are for my son. Each week I select 5 or so books and place holds on them, and I get an eamil when they are ready to be picked up. Easy peasy.

[Kristin H]

I second the idea of finding a section with books that are interesting for your kids...my son plops down in front of the dinosaur section and although he can't read, he'll happily spend an hour on the floor pulling books off the shelf and looking through them. He's learned to make a yes pile and a no pile, and when it's time to go I have him gather up the no pile and we put it on the reshelve shelf.

It would be nice if your library had a play room or other kid-friendly things for them. But don't feel bad about letting your kids take books off the shelf and look through them. That's what they're there for!

I would, however, find a new library if the librarians insist on silence or shoot you dirty looks for normal kid behavior. I hope you can learn to love the library--it's such a great resource!

[Karen]

First off, I'd find a more kid-friendly library, one with a children's section that at least has some floor pillows or puzzles. That said, speaking as a former librarian:

Don't worry about reshelving. Honestly. A lot of libraries use the pulled-out books to make assessments of the most popular books, and they would MUCH RATHER put them back themselves than have them accidentally misshelved. I speak from experience. I used to have to go "read the shelves," which meant,"Scan the shelves to make sure no patrons misshelved books, and fix the mistakes, if any."

Also, make a list of your favorite children's book authors, so that you have an easier time finding books that will not make you want to gouge your eardrums with an icepick after reading them umpty-ump times. For instance, if you know your kids love the Pigeon books, look under Willem, Mo. If you want to find Kevin Henkes books, steer them towards that section. That's what I do. I also highly recommend the Tomie dePaola books, he has a ton and any decent library will have at least a few.

Give kids limits. I take a box on wheels that I got at Staples (I have four kids, so we get a lot of books). Even so, I would give your kids a limit on the number of books they can choose, just so you don't end up with book regret and tons of books at home. Maybe five to start. And browse with them. I always start out with, "Hey, let's see if they have any Mo Willem books!" or something like that, and we go hunting. Or nonfiction books.

But really, I would find another library if you can. We live near a fairly largish library that's in the metro system. But it's...dingy, and weird people hang out there, and when the guinea pig died THEY ANNOUNCED IT ON A BIG POSTER. So I got to explain to my two- year old what "passed away" meant that day, for the first time.

Instead we go to the library that's on our military base. When their library hamster died, they put up a little notice that the hamster had been, ahem, "transferred" (military kids understand that concept, their parents get transferred all the time) to Japan. The librarian confided in me that while it felt like lying, they figured that the parents would figure it out and be able to enlighten kids who were able to process the truth, and it wasn't the library's job to introduce the concept of death to small children. I thanked her profusely.

Oh, and I also tell the kids if they don't behave they don't get to pick out a movie. We head to the movie section after books. I am not above bribery.