not that you asked...

Hot Soup and Head Squashing

The “magical” part of Christmas in our house seems to be the fact that my children, BEFORE MY VERY OWN EYES, were transformed from sweet, docile, mostly reasonable children into raging wild beasts capable of terrorizing entire neighborhoods. I GET it, you know, I understand that they're overstimulated and off their routines and were getting less than the ideal amount of sleep over the last few weeks, but I mean, HONESTLY KIDS. Today, for example, I am doing a Really Nice Thing for them (NOT THAT KIDS EVER NOTICE, what with the whole world REVOLVING AROUND THEM) and taking them out to lunch with a friend and then to a freaking BOUNCE HOUSE GYM for an hour and a half and they are actually spinning themselves dizzy in a Potbelly Sandwich Works and then careening wildly into people carrying trays laden with HOT SOUP AND SANDWICHES. While GIGGLING.

I had to be the mother that YANKS CHILDREN BACK TO THEIR CHAIRS BY THE HOODS OF THEIR COATS. I don't want to be that mother. I don't want to be reduced to yanking, for one thing (they just flop at the ends of the hoods which is possibly even worse), but I just hate feeling like I am powerless against them. I am not, for the record, powerless very often against just ONE of them, but when they COMBINE their powers, they're virtually UNSTOPPABLE. This is mostly because they zero in on nothing but each other, TRACTOR BEAM SIBLINGS, and block out the rest of the world, so they don't hear my voice even when it approaches Super Screech Level, as I am attempting to prevent them from power-chest bumping each other into (and then under, as in THEY THEN ROLLED UNDERNEATH) other people's booths.

I don't know what is suddenly different, but in the last few months it is ALL I CAN DO to keep my children from writhing around on the floor in public places. Restaurants, grocery stores, CHURCH. I have held God knows how many lectures in the car where I shake my finger in the rearview mirror and detail ALLLLLLLLL the terrible things that can happen when children roll around on the floor in public places. They include heads being stepped on and hot food being dumped down people's backs and PARASITES (it's a stretch, yes), and as a last resort, I have included the possibility that perhaps someone might get mad enough at them to YELL at them. This would have TERRIFIED me as a child; the idea that someone might reprimand me or that I might get in TROUBLE for misbehaving. Not my children – at least, not at this point. Asher seemed very concerned about hot soup down his shirt and the fact that we'd have to go home and change, therefore forgoing whatever fun thing we were poised to do; Lucy was worried that someone would squash her head with a boot. This is a step forward, as far as I'm concerned – I intend to bring up Hot Soup and Head Squashing each and every time we step inside a public place.

Honestly, we'd wandered out into the church lobby after the Christmas Eve service, and I turned around to find both my children dancing on a marble-topped coffee table (!!!) and then after they were reprimanded and removed from said coffee table, I caught Lucy playing hopscotch from one ottoman to another. JUMPING FROM OTTOMAN TO OTTOMAN. I give her one minor MINOR pass for perhaps not knowing what an ottoman is for, seeing as how we do not have one, but let's be honest here, it is a large stuffed piece of furniture, a very small COUCH, if you will, and we are not allowed to jump all willy nilly on those at home, so WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS AT CHURCH? Asher does it too – for attention? I guess? We often have to peel him off of our legs because he tries to wrestle us in public (WHY) and then when are finally able to wrest his arms from our knees he falls comically to the floor. Well, HE probably thinks it is comical; I am SEETHING.

Are my expectations too high? It's not like I'm expecting him to sit at a table and eat a four course meal, you know? I'm just expecting him to stand upright in a crowd of people; to not break into a run the minute we step foot inside a place of business. I just want them to walk beside me and not treat line ropes as a jungle gym. IS THAT SO HARD?!

WOW, I needed that vent. I know that when routines go back into place and children go to school and feel like they don't have to fight for my attention during the day, that it will be better. IT WILL BE BETTER. But until then, I have and plan to exploit my secret weapons, Hot Soup and Head Squashing.

The National Diaper Bank Network

This is my last month serving as an ambassador for Huggies' Every Little Bottom campaign. I'm a little sad to see it end – it doesn't mean I'll stop working to eradicate diaper need, as its become a cause I feel so connected to – but I do feel like I've done as much as I could to reach my little corner of the Internet to spread awareness and let people know how they can get involved in their own communities.

One of the hardest things about diaper need is that most diaper drives and fundraisers end up being locally-based events, which means donations and resources just don't get very far outside the immediate community. And there are many, MANY communities that just don't have anyone advocating or providing for them. There are holes in the network, and there are babies suffering as a result. Think about how many of YOU were unaware that diaper need was an actual thing? (I can raise my OWN hand here, too.)

The good news is that diaper drives are outgrowing their community-based status with the formation of the National Diaper Bank Network, a newly formed national nonprofit that is working to create a community of partners nationwide that will raise awareness of diaper need as well as establish diaper banks throughout the country. The NDBN will work to educate the community as well as reach out to national leaders and the general public, assist local communities in starting diaper banks as well as build the capacity of existing diaper banks, and distribute funding and diapers from national donors. This is a HUGE step in a country where nearly 34 percent of moms surveyed by Huggies said they'd cut back on food, utilities or child care to provide diapers for their children.

Huggies is a founding sponsor of the National Diaper Bank Network, and I am so proud to have been able to work with a company that is working to make a difference. In fact, Huggies recently donated 12 million diapers – yes, MILLION – as part of a program called “12 Days of Thanks,” where over a 12-day period, a million diapers were donated in 12 cities across the country. That's in addition to the 22 million diapers Huggies has given in the name of Every Little Bottom, and the 20 million diapers the company has pledged to give to the National Diaper Bank Network in 2012.

Fifty-four MILLION DIAPERS. That's certainly a great place to start.

Disclosure: I have partnered with the Huggies® brand to help promote the Huggies® Every Little Bottom program. I have been compensated for my time commitment to the program, which includes writing about it here. However, my opinions are entirely my own.

Turtle

Asher's “lovey” of choice has been a small, green, stuffed turtle ever since he was about a year old. Grandma and Grandpa brought it home as a gift when they spent two weeks in Hawaii in 2007, and while it wasn't an immediate hit, Asher grew to love it and eventually they became inseparable. For several years, he put himself to sleep by holding the turtle under his arm and twisting the fabric tag while he drifted off – when he was around 4, the tag actually disintegrated and fell off altogether, but by that point he was way more in love with the turtle than the tag-rubbing ritual, so it was never a very big deal.

I have always been very protective of turtle. He is allowed to go with us in the car, but never OUTSIDE of the car to places like Target or the mall or preschool, because I have always been terrified that we would lose him. When Asher's in school, turtle holds his place in the car seat until he returns; when he gets up in the mornings, it's turtle he drags out of bed with him. We do not have a replacement for turtle; there is no backup, is what I have always told him. And because Asher is a very reasonable child, he always complied. I don't know if he was complying with the rules because they were rules (as he is wont to do) or if he was complying because he understood that he didn't want to lose turtle, but whatever the reason, he always did it.

On our way home from Disney, somewhere between Orlando and home, 35,000 feet in the air, Asher removed his turtle from his backpack to hold in preparation for landing and... that was it. He was never seen again. In the chaos of leaving the plane, we didn't think to double check that he was present and accounted for, and by the time we got home, had dinner, and got the kids into their pajamas and their beds, there was little we could do. We told Asher we'd left turtle on the plane. He started coughing (his trademark nervous tic when he's anxious) and then sat down beside me and burst into tears. I wept with him. I don't know if there's a worse feeling than knowing you've let your kid down in a way that impacts him in such a painful way.

We called the airline and were told the plane had already been taken to a maintenance facility where it would be spruced up mechanically, then returned to the gate the next morning for cleaning. Our only hope was the cleaning crew, and we'd know if they found anything on the plane if we called back after 10am. We called my mother-in-law, who worked for United Airlines for many, many years, and she wasn't optimistic. Cleaning crews recognize the value of diamond rings and abandoned Kindles and laptops. Cleaning crews DON'T, apparently, often recognize the value of treasured stuffed animals, and they're sent immediately into a trash receptacle and likely head straight for the incinerator, a la Toy Story 3.

I turned to Twitter, and everyone was so encouraging and kind, telling me they would pray for Asher and for turtle and for a miracle, and how awful it would be if their kid lost a beloved toy. I felt buoyed and lifted up, and went to bed that night feeling optimistic. But at 10:03 the next morning, the phone rang, and Dave had already gotten word from the airline: Nothing was found on the plane.

In all honesty, I think this broke my heart more than it broke Asher's. Like I said before, he's a practical kind of kid, and he'd already made peace with the fact that turtle was lost – I don't think he understands that sometimes things can be recovered. But to me, that turtle represented Asher's entire childhood – it has been with us for forever, and it made me so sad that something attached to so many memories and photos was just... GONE. And after searching the entire Internet, it seemed there wasn't a new one to be found anywhere. They're simply just not sold anymore. Except... ON EBAY, you guys. I found ONE, on the ENTIRE INTERNET, and it was for sale on eBay, and we snapped it up and it arrived two days ago and Asher has resumed life as we knew it when we had OLD turtle. It sleeps with him, it perches on the sink when he goes to the bathroom in the morning, it sits beside him as he watches movies and plays video games. This story has a happy ending – that's something I never would have expected.

Two things that I have to mention, that can't go unnoticed. JetBlue was amazing. Their customer service responded to us immediately and thoroughly. I contacted them via Twitter and Dave contacted them via phone, and they were courteous and helpful. I even got a voicemail from a customer service representative about two days after we lost turtle – she'd called and left a message for ME, not for Dave, though I'd never called. (She must have tracked me down from my Twitter account.) The voicemail was long and detailed everything they'd tried to do to find turtle; she'd detailed exactly where the plane had gone and who had cleaned it and told us they'd found nothing – she even said she'd gone so far as to EMAIL OUR FLIGHT ATTENDANTS, to ask if they'd found or seen anything when they'd gotten on/off the plane. I thought that was a step beyond what they ever had to do, and I was so grateful that they took that extra step. Consider me pleased with JetBlue (and not just for this – they were extra attentive during both flights to the kids, going so far as to make a birthday balloon for Lucy with a latex glove).

Then last night, I went out to the mailbox and found a package with Asher's name on it and a return address I did not recognize. I opened it up and found a small stuffed turtle and a letter from a blog reader and someone who was following along with the turtle saga on Twitter (@NJRae). Rachel and her family had written to say that they were so sorry that Asher had lost turtle, and that every year at Christmas, they try to do something nice and unexpected for someone. This year, she and her husband and three kids had sympathized with Asher's plight and had decided to send him a turtle as well as adopt a real sea turtle (named Squirt!) in Asher's name  – then he could feel a little bit better knowing he was helping real life sea turtles.

I know that in the grand scheme of things like LIFE, that losing a stuffed animal is not a huge deal. But it felt huge to our family last week, and as a parent, it felt like a major, preventable failure. And to have someone do a small act of kindness like that for us was so wonderful and amazing, and I couldn't even read the letter out loud, I was too choked up with emotion. Someone we don't even know, would never recognize on the street, did something for our family that was kind and thoughtful and yes, completely unexpected, and WOW, what an awesome feeling to be on the receiving end of that. That letter is going into Asher's keepsake file, and I will remember it for the rest of my life. Thank you, @NJRae, and your entire, beautiful family.

The funniest thing is that I was telling Asher that they'd heard about how he lost his turtle, and he's all, “How do people know I lost my turtle?” Oh, son. What am I going to do when you grow up and realize I've opened your childhood up to the public? I am hopeful that if he ever doubts my choice to write about our family as I do, that the good things – the kind comments, the supportive emails, the phantom turtles showing up in the mailbox – will convince him that it was always a good thing.

Threadbare Disney Recap

So HEY! We're back from Disney World! And it turns out that I am not developing Post-Vacation Depression at ALL, and I am certain that's due to a direct combination of a fast-approaching and all-consuming holiday we call Christmas, as well as the fact that five non-stop days at Disney with four kids age five and under was PLENTY for me, and I am full-up on Disney for at LEAST three more years. AT LEAST.

That's not to say that we didn't have a fantastic time, because WE ABSOLUTELY DID, and that is despite one whole morning of hard rain that required us to wear enormous ugly ponchos, the ones I schlepped out to Walmart on a special trip to buy for $2.88 (adults) and $6.88 (children) and figured we would never use so I saved the receipt to return them when I got home. Except then we had to use them, which: TOTAL BUMMER. But only for three-ish hours or so, and then after that, the weather was absolute perfection. Truthfully, after its been raining at a theme park, any kind of weather that doesn't include precipitation is absolute perfection, but it stayed warm and mostly sunny for the remainder of our stay.

What is there to tell you about our ACTUAL experience? It is hard to think of anything that stands out as super unique or crazy amazing. The thing about a Disney vacation is that I imagine nearly everyone has a similar experience to the one we had. We met characters, we rode rides, we watched parades and fireworks and shows and we slept very, very little. The kids loved every minute – well, Asher was pretty pissed that he got wet on Splash Mountain, but otherwise, they loved it - and were very, VERY reluctant to climb onto the bus back to the airport on Thursday morning. (Seriously, the kid was perfectly fine with a 50-foot drop on an amusement park ride, but NO WATER IN THE FACE, PLEASE.)

In terms of what we did RIGHT: we visited during a relatively off-peak time, meaning we stood in a handful of 10-minute lines the whole week, with the worst line (80 minutes) being at the most popular and newest ride at Disney (Toy Story Mania) during a rainstorm, which is kind of everyone's ideal time to stand in a line indoors where it's safe and dry. Otherwise, the crowds were super low, we walked right onto everything we wanted to ride and every show we wanted to see. We also stayed on property at the Wilderness Lodge: the major perks were easy access to the Magic Kingdom via boat and relatively inexpensive rooms with bunk beds for the kids and a balcony that overlooked the lake (we could see the Magic Kingdom fireworks from our room each night). The boat was wonderful – we took a Maclaren double stroller with us and we were able to roll it right onto the boat from the dock, without ever having to fold it up. HUGELY helpful, especially when you've got a bazillion little things with which to survive a day in an amusement park crammed into the mesh baskets underneath.

In terms of what we did WRONG? Well, honestly, not much. Except that I was unprepared for how difficult it would be to get into the groove of moving a group of 10 people around a crowded theme park for five straight days. THAT part was tough, mentally and physically.

Asher was enamored with riding Big Thunder Mountain – a roller coaster that's relatively tame, in roller coaster terms. But dudes, once he got a taste, it was ALL he wanted to do. He did also enjoy Pirates of the Caribbean and Snow White's Scary Adventures and Peter Pan and was very unimpressed with the Haunted Mansion, Dumbo and (as mentioned before) Splash Mountain. He was a smidgeon too short to ride Space Mountain.

Lucy was focused on expanding her stuffed animal collection as much as humanly possible – we allowed her to bring two of her animals with us to Disney to sleep with while she was away, and somehow we came home with FOUR MORE. Unfortunately for us, Lucy is charming and sweet and adorable and WHY ISN'T ANYONE TURNING THIS CHILD DOWN WHEN SHE REQUESTS ANOTHER PLUSH BABY BAMBI? (She told me she needed it to match her shirt. I KID YOU NOT.) She also loved meeting the princesses and Winnie-the-Pooh, and her favorite rides were It's a Small World and the People Mover (I KNOW) and she sat happily through the entire 40-minute Finding Nemo musical at Animal Kingdom with big, wide eyes.

And Dave... OH, DAVE. The guy who was completely skeptical of the entire Disney experience ended up making a bunch of calls on Wednesday night before we were supposed to depart on Thursday trying to figure out how much it would cost to extend our vacation. (For your information, it would have been $167 a night to stay in the hotel, but more than $400 to change our flights, so... yeah, no.) He had such a great time with the kids and was probably the saddest of all of us to have to leave. I was completely charmed by it – it's not that he loves Disney in the kind of way that would make him want to come back WITHOUT the kids, but he just loved being in a place that was so kid-centered; it made it so easy to really ENJOY them while we were there.

I'll write another post about planning for those who asked, but in the meantime, here are a few photos from our week. Two thumbs up, without a doubt. Even my skeptical husband admits that it was money well spent.

At our hotel:

Meeting his idol:

I'm taking time out of my busy suitcase-packing routine to write this

My children are currently besotted with the movie Ratatouille. I have no idea why. Admittedly, I am the one who ordered it from Netflix and I am the one who attempted to drum up enthusiasm for it before I popped it into the DVD player (“a funny RAT, you guys! A RAT!”), and then it came on and I remembered what it's actually ABOUT, which are all things my children have no concept of, like France and eating politely at nice restaurants and health code violations. AND YET. They CHOOSE it, even when offered other clearly superior choices.

The fact that I am writing about my childrens' poor taste in entertainment proves that not much has been happening lately. Lately, our days consist of errands and television and the occasional Advent activity that I hastily shove into the appropriate envelope about .06 seconds before the kids ask to open it. Then, I hunch over my computer and make packing lists. THIS IS MY WEEK, you guys. Listen, I love taking vacations, but I REALLY love the Prep Week BEFORE vacation. I already made Dave get the suitcases out of the attic. I already packed the snacks for the plane. For heaven's sake, I ALREADY GATHERED AND ASSEMBLED THE TOILETRIES. (We don't leave until Sunday.) I have had a few emails (I mean, I haven't been INUNDATED or anything) from people asking if I'll do a recap of our planning, and I will – after we get back and I see if any of my strategies were successful. I'd hate to prematurely advise you to do something, and then have to put an EMERGENCY STOP on the process once I got back.

Otherwise, yeahhhhh, it's pretty slow around here. Freelance work has all but dried up, too, so lately my evenings aren't even restful, they're just boring continuations of my days. I have been putting some serious thought into pursuing a new direction soon. Next year Asher will be in school full time and Lucy will likely be in preschool a few mornings a week, and I'm not necessarily going to dive head-first into full-time work or anything, but I do want to start preparing myself for something once they're BOTH in school full-time. The thing is, I'm not really sure I want to pursue a writing career. Not that I don't love writing, because I do, but I think I'm better at it when I'm doing it just for myself. And writing is something I like to do in spurts; I'm not particularly excellent at sitting down for an entire day and churning out copy – much less an entire WEEK at a time.

One of the things I've loved most about being a stay-at-home mom has been the MOVEMENT. We're always in motion, always going somewhere or experiencing something – we have very few days where we're just sitting around. I crave that in my daily life now. I want to be out and about, doing things and MOVING. And I'd really like to pursue a new job or career that involves way less sitting at a desk. I'm intrigued by so many things, though, that it's hard to decide which direction I'd like to go. Do I want to try professional organizing? Could I really manage nursing school? Or do I want to dedicate myself to non-profit or charity work? I feel like the options are ENDLESS, but I also feel enormous pressure to choose the RIGHT thing. Anyway, if you've been through something similar, or changed careers after having kids, I'd love to hear about it. I just can't imagine going back to copyediting at a desk for 40 hours a week. If I'm going to work full-time (eventually), then ideally (and yes, I know, IDEALLY), I'd like to find something that appeals to me at least half as much as being a stay-at-home mom does. COPYEDITING DOES NOT.

One cute story BECAUSE I CAN: Asher's preschool does a Christmas pageant every year, and the four-year-old class acts out the nativity. Perhaps you remember this from last year? Last year he was a sheep, a terrified sheep. He did not even look up during the entire pageant. It was heartwrenching to watch, seeing how awkward and out of place he felt. This year, however, is so different. He is SUCH a different kid, so much so that this year he has been cast as Joseph in the Christmas pageant. He came bounding out of school last week talking ALLLLLL about it. “I'm going to be Joseph, but it isn't going to be hard. I mostly just walk and then I pretend to sleep.” (I told my friend Christie that I wasn't sure why Joseph was asleep at any point in the pageant; she's all, “Probably right while Mary was in hard labor. TOTAL GUY.”) Then suddenly, a panicked look in his eyes: “MOM. The pageant is supposed to be a SECRET. I wasn't supposed to tell you who I am going to be! How about you just forget that I told you, okay?”

YOU GUYS. He's so GROWN UP and REASONABLE and HE'S GOING TO BE JOSEPH IN THE SCHOOL PLAY. My work here is done.