They didn't learn Meal Aversion from ME, that's for sure

Dave has a good point about Man vs. Wild. You know the show, right? Bear Grylls (no idea how to properly pronounce his last name, this is why VOWELS WERE INVENTED) is some kind of crazy ultra-Boy Scout who gets dropped off via helicopter in crazy places and has to find his way out using nothing but the crap he brought on his back. The stuff he carries with him varies – the episode we are watching right now takes place in Iceland, and although Bear told us he is wearing a non-insulated jacket (in sub-zero temperatures) what he DOES have is a gigantic 25-foot rope slung over his shoulder. Interesting, what the producers have decided people get stranded in the wild with. (A GIANT ROPE? And no cell phone? REALLY?)

Anyway, Dave's point is that Bear Grylls isn't the real star of the show. Granted, he's adorable and manly and has a delightful British accent, but he's also got a CAMERAMAN following him everywhere he goes. In other words, there's someone else who is doing all the same insane stuff Bear does – leap over glacial crevasses, swim through crocodile-infested waters, PARACHUTE OUT OF HELICOPTERS – but with a camera and equipment strapped to his person. So who is the REAL hero here? The dude who does all this crazy stuff? Or the dude who does all the crazy stuff AND CARRIES A CAMERA around to film the other crazy guy and gets NO RECOGNITION for it?

I mean, don't get me wrong, Bear Grylls does things like drink the water from elephant dung to stay hydrated and eats things like snakes and insects and worms and I'll bet the whole time the cameraman has Snickers and Slim Jims in his (likely insulated) jacket pockets, but STILL. Still! Dave would like to see a show called Cameraman vs. Wild, is what I'm saying, and he would be JUSTIFIED in this.

Moving on.

Can someone tell me why my children are so deathly afraid of the words we use for meals? I am so tired of saying, “What do you want for breakfast/lunch/dinner?” to my children out of habit, because then they inevitably say, “I DON'T WANT ANY BREAKFAST/LUNCH/DINNER” and I kid you not, if I wait THIRTY SECONDS and simply rephrase this question – using the exact same tone of voice – to “What do you want for a snack?” they are FALLING ALL OVER THEMSELVES to eat. I can even offer them exactly what I was offering them for dinner, if I was giving them a choice, and they are happy to choose macaroni and cheese and yogurt for this supposed snack. It is so irritating. I'm not sure why they have this Meal Aversion – is it the idea that a meal will be served sitting down at the table instead of in a little bowl in front of the television or their toys? I would assume that would be the case, but sometimes they are happy to eat their “snack” at the table without me having to force them to. It makes very little sense, but it does make me feel sly and cunning to have figured out that all I have to do is change my choice of vocabulary words to trick them into eating MEAL FOOD.

It does amaze me how many cues Lucy picks up on just watching and paying attention to Asher. Like that dinner/snack thing – that's something Asher started doing a few months ago, and now even if I just have Lucy alone and am trying to feed her dinner, she sticks to the routine Asher has established for avoiding having to eat anything but food we label as “snacks.” Lately they've been fighting nearly all the time, and the really annoying thing about it is that Lucy is fighting with him JUST TO FIGHT. It is so awful, because Asher is such a particular child – he wants toys to be played with in the correct manner and he cannot STAND it if you're insisting something is red when it is, in fact, very clearly BRICK RED and he will fight to the DEATH to defend his (usually correct) position on something, but usually before death comes hot, hysterical tears and stomping, so usually he just fights until he gets to those, and then I have to put them both in time out in separate rooms to CALM THE FREAK DOWN.

Asher will say something like, “This car is named Lightning McQueen,” and we can all see with our own two working eyes that yes, in fact, that car IS Lightning McQueen, and Lucy will simply say, “No, it's not.” Just for the sake of starting a fight; just for the sheer pleasure of being a shining textbook example of an annoying little sister. And they go back and forth and back and forth until Lucy channels her mother (you know, ME, the one with absolutely zero ability to debate) and just starts hitting him with whatever is lying nearby because she has no verbal energy left.

WHO, ME?

Last week was Vacation Bible School at our church – I signed Asher up to go for the week. It's only three hours a day and he absolutely loved the first three days, but he woke up on the morning of the fourth day and staunchly refused to go. I tried to convince him to go – we talked about all the reasons VBS was fun and how it was only one week a year and there were only two days left and all his friends would be there and he just looked at me and said, “Mom? I don't want to go today. I'll go tomorrow, but today I just want to stay home and play with Lucy.”

Yeah, so. I shut up about the fighting after that because DUDE, my kids really do love each other and it's pretty freaking awesome.

Comments

[Swistle]

I know, it's like the whole "Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards, and in heels" thing.

[Jamie Walker]

I have thought of the cameraman before too! Crazy!

My kids just don't eat. I just blogged about it. Sooooo annoying!
http://chosenchaos.blogspot.com/2011/07/liar-liar-dinner-on-fire.html

[Jessica]

I have thought the same about the camera guy! I can't imagine doing that. There is another show where a guy goes out alone and sets up cameras as he does his stunts, but it's not as good.

And yes, my two year old likes to have arguments with other two year olds about nothing. Absolutely nothing. Drives me bonkers.

[Diane]

Violet is completely Girl Asher, and Isla is, well, Other Lucy. I mean, seriously, with the button pushing JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT. "No, Violet! The sky is GWEEN!" I cannot even believe how much that pisses Violet off. This goes on and on all day. (Miraculously this has stopped a BIT with the new baby here. Having a third little person to dote on has centered them somewhat. But definitely not ALL of the time, no sir.) Do they do most of their fighting in the car? Where you can't possibly separate them or punish them in any way? Because if you've figured out how to deal with that, I will LOVE YOU FOREVER.

[Brandy]

For a second, when you were describing the kids playing with the toys and Lucy saying things JUST because she knows how it will effect Asher, I thought you were talking about my children!! Livi does that to Aiden ALL THE FREAKING TIME and it some days my head almost explodes.

Oh and what is with the meal thing??!! My kids are the same way. If I offer "breakfast" they are not hungry but if I turn around and say "do you want some toast", they are all for it! Kids are crazy people!

[Jessica]

That is the cutest picture of Lucy! I'm the opposite about food right now - I have the breastfeeding hunger, so I'm eating round the clock and calling everything a meal so it doesn't seem like I'm snacking too much.

[HereWeGoAJen]

We've been saying that about the cameraman too. Definitely a show that could use a behind the scenes episode. Didn't he salvage that rope from a shipwreck on the coast at the beginning of the show? We just watched that one too. We used to watch Survivorman too, where he made fun of Bear for taking a cameraman with him, but Man Vs. Wild is WAY better because of the cameraman.

Elizabeth prefers all meals to be called snacks too. And the other day, I offered her some pork tenderloin and told her that it was Penny's favorite food (since we've been watching Bolt) and she said "I will eat some Bolt meat!" and I swear I felt like I had served up dog meat for dinner.

[Bethany]

Actually Man vs. Wild has done a couple of behind-the-scenes episodes where the camera man gets huge kudos from Bear for what he does. The camera man also doesn't have to be quite as daring, in that he can have all kinds of fancy ropes and harnesses that aren't made from vines or whatever, and a life jacket in the water, etc. You can probably find these behind the scenes episodes on the internet.

[nonsoccermom]

It's like we're living parallel lives. My son is exactly like Asher - SO particular and insistent on accuracy, while his little sister is nothing but an argumentative button-pusher. Does it ever get annoying.

Incidentally, I have had the exact same thoughts as Dave re: Bear Grylls and his cameraman.

[Elizabeth]

My kids are still too little to do the whole sibling-arguing thing but man, growing up I was SO Lucy! I would come home from the sitters house at least once a week and tell my mom that "Elizabeth stayed at the sitters, I'm Sally." My mom, being cool and not freaking out about her daughters split personality, would play along. But my older sister would FREAK out! Apparently I did it just to annoy her and it worked every time. It always ended with her in tears until I would give in and say that I was really me. I like to think I helped her learn to roll with the punches, however, looking back, I may have had the opposite effect... should probably apologize one of these days. :)

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

Snacks are way more fun than meals. I think it's just fun to feel like you're getting away with something. That's why I enjoy breakfast for dinner so much - it just feels SNEAKY.

Those photos are adorable. And oh how sweet are your kids?

[Megan]

My two kids - (Mo is 3 and Liam is 1) - just love each other to pieces, too. Well, when they're not trying to punch each other in the face. But it's real love, right there! And it's amazing to witness.

[Julie]

I just wanted to mention that there IS a show like that- Survivorman- but I was beaten to the punch! And for the record, it is way better than Man v Wild!! But I love Les Stroud...
Also, cute pic of Lucy!!

[Jen]

OMG THE MEAL THING.

Today, just before noon:

"Mommy, I'm huuuuuungry."

"Okay! What do you want for lunch?"

(clearly offended) "I'm not HUNGRY for LUNCH! I want a SNAAAAACK!"

WTF, KID. SERIOUSLY. And this happens all the time. I give up.

[adequatemom]

You need to check out "Survivorman". He is WAY more awesome than Bear no-vowels. And no cameraman - he does it all himself. Which means every time you see him in a long shot, you can imagine that after he got that great long shot of him walking away from the camera across the desert, he walked all the way back up to the camera, turned it off, and packed it up. And then walked away again. Madness!

Also, my daughter is EXACTLY like that with the snack-vs-meal thing. Drives me CRAZY.

[Annie]

So I haven't opened a single blog in...oh...at least five months. This means, get ready for a bevy (?) of comments on every post you've written since January.

THAT SAID. Comments are closed on your last post (ahem?) so I have to say that I LOVE DRESSING FOR WINTER. But. I think that's for two reasons. First - winter here is like a rainy day in summer that just drags on for a few months. Second - The only way I've had to dress for the past five winters is in sweats (Project Babies) and so I've created this delightful style inside my head that I have yet to have to fund. Style is always easier to come up with when you don't have to pay for it.

Now to this post - keeping it short because you'll know I'll be back in about 30 seconds on the next one.... First question - what is the proper pronunciation of "crevasse?" Is it "crev-ass?" or, as I say "Crev-uss?" I need to know because when I read this post the Emily voice that I hear in my head turned British.

And also - Jake is the biggest culprit of Meal Hate in this house. Funny, considering he is, by far, the best eater. "I don't WANT dinner!" (Well, what do you want then, Jake?) "I don't want NOTHING!" And then, when it's placed in front of him he turns into a little Hoover and demolishes it in three seconds flat.