It is EMBARRASSING, the amount of HGTV I watch

My mom continues to be completely astonished by the fact that today's generation of married people sometimes let the husband make or influence design and decorating choices. This COMPLETELY FLOORS my mother. “Your dad couldn't have cared LESS!” she tells me every time we are out shopping and I say something like, “Oh, Dave would HATE that.” I don't know if this rings true for other people my age – were the Dads of those born in the 70s and 80s TOTALLY UNINTERESTED in what their homes looked like? Did it really and truly fall to the women, just like child rearing and meal preparation and diaper changing predominantly did? I'm telling you, my mom just cannot get over the idea that Dave has opinions about what we should put in our house; she's equally, if not MORE perplexed, by the fact that I give his opinions any kind of weight.

Which frankly, I don't. I mean, if Dave really really HATES something (he can generally be counted on to detest overly floral patterns, purple, and anything that seems knick-knacky) then I obviously am not going to force him to live with it. There's a lot of design out there in the world, so I don't feel the need to make him live in a house surrounded by ceramic birds, even if I think they're the most wonderful things in the entire world. But when we're talking about DESIGN SCHEMES? That is when I do not really pay attention to whatever it is he's thinking in his little computer-centered, information technology brain. I am the one who can name the host of every HGTV design show, you know? I am interested in this kind of thing. I like doing this kind of thing. I understand his wanting to be involved in the big decisions (couch, hardwood flooring, appliances) and I welcome his expertise concerning warranties and life expectancies, but please, for the love of all that is holy, keep your nose and your opinions out of everything else. Especially if it is something that needs to match something else.

It took me months of thinking and planning and re-thinking and window shopping before I came up with a color palette for our new kitchen. That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? But it isn't, because I wanted to do something fresh and cute that wasn't overly girly or crazy expensive. And since we took down the wall in our kitchen that separated it from the dining room and unified the entire downstairs with hardwood flooring, it feels like one big airy space instead of three (living room, kitchen, dining room). So I wanted to use pretty much the same color scheme throughout the entire downstairs – we're talking something like 500 square feet, so it's not a big enough space to justify a lot of different stuff going on. I finally came up with this:

I love all the color, especially since we have so much brown going on in the house now with the wood floors, wood cabinets, and chocolate brown sectional in the living room. But you guys, after looking for a rug that works for MONTHS, I have come up with nothing. I finally brought a nice neutral sisal rug home from HomeGoods last night (for a very nice price), and Dave hates it. And while I don't LOVE it, I just keep thinking, DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED TO MAKE THIS ROOM LOOK NICE? Do you even understand that I have looked at every rug in the entire Internet and real world? THIS IS WAY HARDER THAN IT LOOKS.

This morning I was browsing rugs on overstock.com while he looked over my shoulder. “I like that one,” he volunteered. “And that one.”

You guys, you remember that color palette we are working with up there? I have bought pillows and throw rugs and CURTAINS in those fabrics up there. THEY ARE ALIVE AND WELL INSIDE OUR HOUSE RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND. Tell me you understand why I cannot use these two rugs with that color palette - the color palette that ALREADY EXISTS IN OUR HOUSE.

 


I KNOW, RIGHT? You don't have to watch a lot of HGTV to figure this one out. SIGH. It's not that I don't want his help; it's more that I think I might be pretty okay at doing this and I want free reign to do it all by myself. Which is pretty selfish, when you think about it. I mean, he's just EXCITED that we have what feels like a brand-new home, and he wants to help make it look good. But it turns out that while I want his help in some ways, I am a little bit stuck back in my mom's era of decorating, where I pretty much feel very HANDS OFF MY HOUSE, too. Also there's this little part of me that is kind of disappointed that he isn't all, WOW, the house looks AMAZING! when I do something new, but the truth is that I made a whole entire CURTAIN (we have exactly three windows downstairs, it must be said) and he was in the house for OVER AN HOUR before he even saw it, and that was only after I pointed it out. I am not kidding.

So anyway, I'm just curious. Does your husband/boyfriend/significant other care about how you decorate your house? Like, above and beyond wanting a nicer dishwasher or a sectional couch or vetoing an entire wall of flowery stencils. I'm talking about curtains and throw pillows and accents, I guess. I have a feeling your answers are going to make my mother PASS OUT with DISBELIEF.

Comments

[Brenda]

My father didn't care about the design... Unless he really hated it. I was born in the 70's. My husband likes to be a part of the design in our house! I like that he cares!

Love the fabrics!!! Will you tell us what the source??

[HereWeGoAJen]

My husband couldn't care less. I mean, occasionally he mentions that he hates something, but RARELY. Decorating is totally my domain. So, does that validate your mom? :)

When I do something new, I go right out and say "come look at what I did and admire it!" Then he knows exactly what he is supposed to do. ;) He always gives me his real opinion, and usually that opinion is that he thinks it looks fine.

[Maura]

My ex-husband had to approve everything, which is why I lived in a glorified bachelor pad. My place now has more of my own style. My boyfriend moved in with me and seems to like it. It will be interesting when we decorate a place together. He's so laid back, but I will want his opinion on stuff, naturally.

Have you see this site? These rugs look cute and similar to your design colors/patterns.

http://www.shadesoflight.com/rugs/by-style/hip-modern/

[Erica]

LOVE the colors you've chosen! I'm sure you've looked at them, but what about Flor tiles? They come in great colors and when they get dirty? Just pick the dirty one up, wash it off, and put it back down. We have them and they rock.

On the other note, my husband is a designer, so I'm screwed. That said, I picked out all the wall colors for our house and he "approved" them (i.e. I let him think he had some influence). And I arrange things and decorate. He has more influence when it comes to buying larger furniture items or hanging things on the wall.

[Maura]

Oh, I think you get a 10% discount there with this code: YHL0505. Prob only for July, though.

[Leslie]

Emily, I bought new lamps for the family room and it took my husband TWO MONTHS to notice them...yet he feels he is entitled to an opinion on decorating.

[Lisa]

If left to my husband, we'd have a living room full of cowboy statues and dead-animal heads on the wall, with a camouflage sofa and love seat.

So, no. He doesn't get a choice. He only gets a veto. :)

[Kelly P]

Yes, but not only does he want a say he wants it ALL DONE HIS WAY! Which is preposterous, especially given that I am an interior designer for my actual job that earns a salary. And he thinks he knows better? PREPOSTEROUS!

I do love what you've done though. Can't wait to see after pictures!

p.s. Not done ranting yet - the most annoying thing? All of his ideas were awesome sometime during the Reagan administration and he gets really bent out of shape when I shoot them down so it all has to be done very carefully. Gah!

[Diane]

I don't think you need any ceramic birds in your house luring in more real birds.

[Kate]

I was going to say check out Flor.com. They are the flor tiles? But now I dont see my favorite that was a leafy viney one (that I saw ON HGTV - the apartment makeover show - cant remember the name ) Anyway, I can't find that one, but they would be perfect for under a table. But they've got some crazy ones too.

My hubby is a homebuilder so he's does the heavy duty stuff and TRIED to comment but is JUST LIKE DAVE. He likes all the 90s style of stuff. Very traditional. So I just sneak things in one at a time and don't ask his opinion unless it is something major.

[-R-]

I love the prints you chose!

H cares about furniture, which sucks because he and I have very different tastes. He cares a tiny bit about colors, but I ignore him for all other design opinions, and he is happy I make the decisions.

[Roberta]

It depends. I have learned to ask my husband about a decorating choice and whether he cares. Furniture? Definitely a YES. He picked out these awesome red velvet armchairs for our living room that I'm not sure I would have picked on my own. Rugs? Mostly. I have picked some on my own. Paint color? Oh definitely. Blinds/window treatments? Not really. I usually get to do this by myself. I have much more patience for swatches and fabrics and designs. Often I will get things down to 2 or 3 choices and then bring him in. It's like you said - I don't want him to hate it.

[Kate]

I'm back to say:

1 - Maura thanks for that link! Those rugs look awesome and I need one for my front entry way.

2 - I just realized that last night I decided on a similar color scheme for my kitchen! Mine will have touches of orange too! and am I getting opinions? Heck no! :)

[Kristina]

My husband doesn't really care until I do something he doesn't like. Which kind of annoys me, because if he likes what I do with the rest of the house, why can't you trust me with everything?? I suppose that's kind of selfish, as he IS entitled to an opinion, but still.

[Jen]

Oh, my husband has very serious ideas about any kind of art or photography that we hang in our house: it has to have MEANING. Deep MEANING. This is really annoying when I want to just hang some prints that I just LIKE. Because they are PRETTY. Gah.

Anyway, I really love those fabrics you've chosen and I can't wait to see the finished kitchen/dining room!

[Jennie]

HAAAAAAAA. I laugh because, one day, I'd like you to meet Mike and I'd like you to then match your impression of him (very laid-back, doesn't really seem to get riled by anything at all, zones out when I talk about 95% of the things that I have opinions about) with the truth that he has opinions about EVERY INCH OF OUR HOUSE. It's very frustrating indeed.

He also had opinions about EVERY INCH OF OUR WEDDING, which was shocking and irritating. We made our own wedding invitations and got into such a horrible fight that ended with him stomping down the hall, turning back to me and shouting, I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING, "You cut like you don't even care."

Yes, he has opinions. They're all wrong, but he's definitely got them.

[Heather R]

ummm, YES! It is SO annoying to me, that yes he cares a WHOLE lot! He is also a computer guy, so why, I don't know. It took up 4 YEARS to agree on window treatments for our living room. We lived with NO curtains for 4 YEARS because we couldn't agree. He comes with me to pick out fabric. He is right there looking at paint samples. He must approve all artwork and hang it himself so it is all centered and balanced and whatever. Sometimes, like you, I appreciate his help. Other times, it is just so frustrating!!

But I feel like most men these days still don't care....at least none of my friends' husbands care.

[Blanche]

This was my WEDDING!!! Grooms aren't supposed to have an opinion, right? Anyway, we survived and are now approaching our 10 year anniversary, but I have to say, his having an opinion on decor/touches, it hasn't stopped.

[Lindsay]

Oh ya, Rick totally cares. It's a double edged sword. I think he probably has better taste than me actually but the amount of dithering he does before making a decision nearly kills me everytime.

My father absolutely had no opinion.

[Laura @ the Diniwilks]

First, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the patterns you chose. LOVE!

My dad and mom jointly tortured us with trips to furniture store after furniture store when we were little. I guess he figured that if he was paying for it (my mom was a SAHM) he should have a say?

My hubs, however, could not care less - until I bring home something he doesn't like, that is. I made a freaking MOOD BOARD for our dining room (it's on my blog if you are interested), which he barely grunted at. The second he saw the jute rug in person though, he FLIPPED OUT. Because DON'T I KNOW HE DOESN'T LIKE WEIRD TEXTURES ON HIS FEET??? Eyeroll. Also, he thinks decorative pillows, knick knacks, and wall art are pointless.

[Gia]

First off we (referring to me and loosely to my husband) decorate sort of like the Amish ... very simple, lack of adornments, clutter, etc. We live in a farmhouse. Most of our furnishings are rustic in a rough-hewn farmhouse (not kitchy country) sort of way.

A few years back I agreed to allow my husband to pick out a new couch and chair for our living room. I think I may have been nursing my daughter at the time and didn't think I could handle adding anything else to my to-do list. I just couldn't think straight. He picked out the most hideous hunter green couch and this chair with all these weird colors and geometric patterns. He is a mathematician/scientist ... if this helps explain anything. The chair was VERY busy in a very busy sort of way.

Eight years later I am still living with his "beautiful much loved" couch. I do not ask my kids or dogs to be kind to it though in hopes that they will destroy it and we will replace sooner rather than later. Although the sucker appears to be rather sturdy and indestructible, unfortunately. The chair lasted approximately 6 months before I screamed uncle and gave it away ... it hurt my eyes.

While I may on occasion ask my husbands opinion and then promptly ignore it (mostly because he loves to offer up his opinion but really he just does not care all that much with the final outcome and I DO) I will never allow him final purchasing authority EVER again. :)

Gia

PS: Your color scheme is lovely.

[Elizabeth]

First of all, let me say, as someone who has been in your mother's house, it really doesn't say "A dude had a lot of say in these decorating decisions", so that made me laugh.
Secondly, yes, to this whole post. When we first got married and I was trying to take Erik's feeeeelings into consideration, I would try to ask him what kind of things he wanted and it was always 1. brown plaid 2. blue plaid or 3, some kind of denim. He REALLY wanted this god awful brown plaid duvet cover, and no. Just no. I spent SIX MONTHS looking for a "manly" duvet cover that I liked too and finally I realized, he would never notice or care about what I picked out. I have decorated our bedroom in the most girly decorative scheme the world has ever known and he literally hasn't noticed or complained one time. I like to think it looks universally nice, but it's definitely not manly.
I think what it really comes down to is the amount of bitching or noticing I am going to hear. We once had a sisal rug, and I loved it, and Erik did nothing but complain about it FOR EIGHT FRIGGING YEARS and we will never own another one. But like I said, I'll buy whatever duvet cover I want, and he'll never notice.

[Paige]

Just for your mom's disbelief: yes, my husband totally cares what our decorating scheme is. He's pretty much perma-stuck on blue, though. Dark blue. We have a red dog. Oh, the dog fur!! And he prefers, in his words "a sleek modern look with just a few pieces of art."

I think your color scheme is awesome!

[Dr. Maureen]

Andrew gets a vote, but I WANT him to vote because I'm the one who chose cotton candy pink for the bathroom and do not trust myself at all. Curtains have been tough though, because he doesn't want girly curtains and basically hates all curtains ever. So I chose those without him, but avoided lacy, tasseled flowery things.

The children are demanding attention.

[Jessica]

Growing up, I do not remember my dad caring at all. Now that he is retired? Oh he has all SORTS of opinions. My poor mother.

My husband is pretty good for trusting me. I ask his opinion on furniture but mainly because we buy it so infrequently its a big deal. I picked out paint colors with little help. I like to ask his opinion so he feels involved but his opinions tend toward the hunter green and plaid taste so really its a moot (moo! ) point. Because, no.

I have always liked everything you have decorated. Its always pretty and colorful.