Turns out my mom likes maple glazed, so... win?

Today is our 18th day living with my parents. It really hasn't been that bad, honestly. I mean, yes, we're pretty much just washing and wearing the same four outfits each and we don't have immediate access to the toys the kids sometimes remember they own and I have to wear a bra every time I go downstairs (HORRORS), but otherwise it's been fine. I think it was a little weird for Dave for a few days what with the fact that we are SHARING A BED in my CHILDHOOD BEDROOM, but he seems to be fine with it now. Last night my dad even took him outside to demonstrate how he catches bugs and feeds them to his pet frogs (YES HE IS STILL DOING THAT) and the other afternoon he walked by me wearing only his underwear, so I think he's pretty comfortable having us in his house, unfortunately for those of us who don't want to see him in his underwear.

The kids don't seem to miss our house at all; aside from the occasional request for a certain toy (requests include one fire truck, one dump truck, one talking Jessie doll), I think they think this is their new house and they are perfectly happy to stay here FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

I mean, check it:

That's the UPSTAIRS playroom. The basement looks like this:

There are downsides to staying in this kind of place, though. They include:

And:

 
And I didn't even take any pictures of the potato chips. Thankfully, it could be way worse:

Somewhere in there, amongst the copious amounts of golf paraphernalia, is a treadmill.

The kitchen is coming along. Today our countertops will be installed. Tomorrow the electrician and the plumber are supposed to finish up, and Thursday and Friday will be devoted to sanding and staining the floors. We could very possibly move back in on Saturday and I will be spending the rest of the week ORGANIZING MAH THINGS. Surely those of you who have read this blog even TWICE will know how CRAZY EXCITED I am about this. I get to put things AWAY, exactly where I want them. My heart is beating faster just thinking about it. As soon as we get everything put away and cleaned up, I'll put up some before and after pictures. They will BLOW YOUR MINDS, people.

Ok, now I have to tell you a story and there's no good way to segue to the story so just pretend this is one beautifully crafted, seamless and hilarious blog post.

The other night Dave and I went out to pick up donuts for Saturday morning breakfast. Now, it was about 10pm by the time we made it to the donut shop, but it is a TWENTY-FOUR HOUR donut shop, so imagine my surprise when we walked in to get donuts and found that they were pretty much out of every popular kind of donut. I could understand that, if the place was going to close for the night or something, but TWENTY-FOUR HOUR DONUT SHOPS DO NOT CLOSE. How can you operate a 24-hour donut shop and NOT HAVE ANY GLAZED DONUTS? Part of the business model of a 24-hour donut shop should be ALWAYS HAVE DONUTS AVAILABLE. That's, like, the whole POINT of a 24-hour donut shop, you know?

Anyway, so we walk up to the counter and the clerk is a very unhappy man with a mustache and a gold chain who will not look me in the eye and just grunts at me when I make a request. GRUNTS AT ME. Anyway, so I start picking out donuts, but it is pretty hard to make quick choices about donuts when all the good donuts are gone. It takes me about three minutes to pick out eight donuts and during this time I am not even looking at the donut guy, but according to Dave, who is paying attention to the donut man, the donut man is getting really angry and irritated at me for how long I'm taking to decide on which donuts I would like put into my donut box. But it would take YOU a long time, too, if you were having to pick out donuts you would have never picked in the first place. I was in the process of putting together a whole box of second-tier donuts. (There should be a LAW against operating without chocolate glazed donuts.)

At one point I said something to him about whether he had some more glazed donuts, maybe, in the back? And he's all gruff about it and just grunts “NO” at me and then, without ASKING ME, turns around and dumps a plain CAKE donut in my box, AS IF THAT IS THE SAME THING AS GLAZED. And I was being TOTALLY NICE about it, you guys.

So then finally, I'm all, “ok, I guess I'll take a cinnamon sugared?” (which will be the ninth donut I have selected, I have THREE MORE TO GO to make a dozen) – and you guys, this is the HONEST TRUTH, Dave was a witness – the donut guy looks like he's going to bend down to the lowest rack of donuts where the cinnamon sugared donuts are stashed but instead, he just starts picking up donuts at random and throwing them into the box! BECAUSE I HAVE TRIED HIS PATIENCE ENOUGH, I guess? I am TAKING TOO LONG. He is ANGRY. He is ANNOYED. So he just starts chucking extra donuts in there, more than the box can even hold – he packs 15 donuts in the box, DONUTS I DO NOT WANT AND DID NOT ASK FOR – and then closes the box and tosses it on the counter and tells me, “Seven dollars and twenty-four cents.” You guys, he did not even include the last donut I asked for, which was the cinnamon sugar and he gave me MAPLE GLAZED, WHO EVEN EATS MAPLE GLAZED.

I kind of cannot believe we actually paid for them, but we were stunned and in shock, I guess. I mean, lowest level of customer service EVER. We walked out to the car and almost died laughing because YOU GUYS, the donut man actually got mad at me for taking too long to select donuts. And was completely passive-aggressive about it. And it's not like the line was out the door or even included ANY OTHER PEOPLE. It would have been so different if he'd been apologetic - “Sorry we don't have that donut, ma'am, can I throw a few free ones in there to make up for it?” but instead, he was just a jerk. Not that it wasn't funny, right? But still. He was a jerk.

Comments

[Lawyerish]

I am cracking UP at the angry donut guy. Listen, I'm just thinking if you're that surly, perhaps the donut business is not the wisest career move. Guess that's why they give him the night shift.

Also, I want to reach through the screen and grab those Entenmann's crumb-topped donuts. And I wouldn't say no to maple-glazed, either. Maybe I'm weird?

[Slim]

My husband likes maple glazed and walks around in his underwear and that will be my life forever. At least you get to move away. Although my kitchen remodel is over, so there's that.

[Slim]

Note: I love my husband, but I find the maple-glazed doughnut thing baffling, so there goes the two hearts that beat as one thing, right there.

[Jenna]

hahaha Sounds like he might be the soup man from Seinfeld's brother... except instead of "no donuts for you" it's "take whatever donuts I give you!"

Jenna
momofmanyhats.blogspot.com

[Kristin Hardwick]

Laughed out loud at work. Damn cranky donut man. Great story though!

[Jen]

My boyfriend LOVES maple glazed donuts...they're his favorite. I think they're ok, but never my first choice.

[Elsha]

Great story.

Also, I think my kids would also like to live at your parent's house with those awesome playrooms!

[Jessica]

Can I move into your parents' house? Or at least send my kids there during the day?

[Natali]

Ok, long time reader, first time poster (I think?) this post was awesome. Oh, and you and I could get along real well, because I would be so happy to eat any maple glazed donuts that stand in the way of you and cinnamon sugared happiness in the future. BAM donut friends for life! lol

[HereWeGoAJen]

Wait, for serious, that is the playroom at the grandparents' house? Elizabeth would like to fire her grandparents and adopt your parents. In fact, I'd like to move in there.

Best donut story ever.

[Bill]

Must have been the double D of donut shops. Since changing thier bussiness plan a few years back to using one central bakery and not making them in the stores anymore they never have what you want. (unless you get there at 4am when the donut truck comes)Also, (at least in our region)the first two job requirments are no english and having been fired from you last job for poor service.

[Karen]

Oh my gosh, you discovered the Donut Nazi.

[Brandy]

Holy crap!! That is INSANE!! Did you by chance call the doughnut shop at any time later to tell them what happened?? Although I can't say much. We have a 24-hour doughnut place in town and they have the BEST doughnuts but it's a hole in the wall with women who have the nastiest attitudes. I mean, it's seriously like you're bothering them to try to decide which doughnuts you want. Maybe that's just a 24-hour doughnut thing... Hhhhmmmm...

[Jen]

NO SOUP FOR YOU! ha

[Aunt Caro]

So, maybe it is a generational thing. Charlie is an underwear walking guy and I LOVE MAPLE FROSTED. In fact they are my favorite.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

How could anyone ANYWHERE think that a PLAIN CAKE doughnut is an appropriate replacement for a CHOCOLATE GLAZED doughnut? They aren't even in the same UNIVERSE.

(However, I DO like maple glazed, when there are no chocolate glazed to be had.)

[Megan]

That doughnut guy was WEIRD. You'd think he'd be excited to have customers on what was probably a slow night, right? I've worked retail, and when it's slow, you really don't care too much if someone pays in pennies or takes an hour to fish out their coupons or whatever - it's not like you can leave any earlier.

[karen]

You just made me laugh really hard.
Thanks I needed that, totally agree with the others, he is the donut nazi!

[Erika]

I'm amazed that you guys took the donuts. I would have had to tell him to take those out of my box as I didn't ask for them. I would have then taken my sweet time choosing other donuts, then decided that I didn't want them after all. I would have tried to make his head explode if at all possible. I can be passive aggressive with the best of them. :)

[Stefanie W.]

Well... this post is completely random, you're now officially warned.

I somehow stumbled across your blog (the internet is AMAZING sometimes, isn't it?!?), the first one I read was about your inquiry as to why hot-air ballooners give the no-go to the preggo ladies. My husband and I are looking into going on a hot-air balloon ride for our anniversary as well (only our 2nd though, in October) and we came across the same discouraging note that you did. I was wondering why, as well, and was happy to see you finally got an explanation. (I'm not pregnant & have no kids, but we're starting to try... er, that's probably more info than you needed from this stranger... sorry.)

I also saw that you have the name 'Asher' in your kids play room... that's the pre-decided on name for our future boy, so that was kind of coincidental and made me like you even more.

Just wanted to drop a note and say I enjoyed reading. It's late so I only read a couple posts, but it's nice to get those ballooning answers and then see that you all have our dream name, and a humor to match our own. :) I love the internet.

[Julie]

Your post reminded me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KBPtZI4t-M
He is my FAVOURITE comedian ever!!
Also, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the maple glazed. I would take Boston Cream in a pinch too (just chocolate instead of maple). Also... my dad walks around in his underwear when we visit too. Maybe its a dad thing?

[Kate]

That's hilarious! I was the victim of some heinous customer service myself this weekend, and while it's probably not necessary to go into all the details here, I'll just suggest that you go to Yelp and search for "Tour de France" in Boston (a home decor shop). You will see proof that even worse customer service exists!!