I didn't know the Sweetheart Neckline was even BACK

I am still, for some unknown reason, watching Grey's Anatomy. I no longer find it compelling or interesting or remotely likeable (though I personally think Meredith's hair keeps getting better and for that, I believe I am firmly in the minority), and yet, there are so few shows I really keep up with that I feel like I should stick it out. I mean, how much longer is it going to be on the air anyway? What do we have, like two seasons left, tops? One, if we're super lucky. Everyone's already been shot or hospitalized for something or another, there have been plane crashes and ferry capsizes and wasn't there a bomb or an earthquake or a car crash or a lesbian wedding or something else that was very very dramatic and overwrought? IT ALL RUNS TOGETHER. (Oh, fine, I do remember the lesbian wedding was a separate entity, OBVIOUSLY. I remember it because I thought there was way too much Sweetheart Neckline for my own personal tastes.)

Anyway, watching the season finale the other week was making me think about all the things that annoy me about it, and I thought about those things that annoyed me EVEN AFTER the show was over – I actually made a list, lying in bed. On my iPod. With the lights off, because I was supposed to be sleeping and instead I was Still Irritated. Like the fact that no one on television ever foams up while brushing their teeth. Doesn't this annoy everyone else? I am a virtual foam FACTORY when I am brushing my teeth! I cannot carry on a CONVERSATION while brushing my teeth, like they can conveniently do on television. I would be spitting all over everything, including the mirror, which is extra annoying because then I'd have to clean the mirror and it's not like anyone would know what I was saying anyway because of all the FOAM and the fact that the foam limits my annunciation skills. Also, they seem to spit a lot when they brush their teeth. I am kind of a “spit only at the end” tooth brusher, but maybe this is not the only way to do things? Do you perhaps spit throughout the brushing? Am I doing it wrong by saving it all up for one big spit at the end??? GREY'S ANATOMY YOU ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY DENTAL HYGIENE PROCEDURES.

Also on my list of things they never get right on TV: Newborn babies. And I know, this is because there are laws about babies working on television, I get that. But those animatronic-ish babies we're using in the place of real babies are... downright frightening. I would rather not SEE the baby, I think, than be frightened by the sight of the little fake robotic baby with the jerky head and the (piped-in) cry of a four-month-old. I actually get those involuntary shudders when they show the fake newborns – even though the fake intestines or someone vomiting blood and all of that other medical stuff is totally not a problem for me. I just find it so ridiculous that we have the technology we do and yet, we cannot make a realistic-looking baby robot. HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

Then I was thinking about how for a long time, I agreed with the general idea that a show was more realistic when not everyone on it was Hollywood's version of Super Hot, with the long flowing hair and the arms that don't flap in the breeze but then they put that Dr. Hunt dude on and oh, you guys, he is just not for me (though he may be for you!), what with the fact that he smiles and you can't see anything but the tips of his little fang teeth and it creeps me out and I started thinking, why are they making me look at this guy every week? Can we not get someone HOT ON THIS SHOW? And BAM! It turns out I am exactly the kind of viewer Hollywood already knows about! We DO want attractive people on our shows! We say we don't, but we really really do, or we'll end up complaining about something as ridiculous as someone's fangish teeth. (He has nice eyes, I guess. But I can't really see them, because I'm focused on the TEETH.) Weirdly, I don't feel that way about women. Give me all kinds of shapes and sizes of women, I'm down with that. But only hot men, please. I don't know what this says about me as a person, except that I am terrible deep down inside.

Comments

[Jessica]

Haha! I love this. Grey's is ridiculous and I continue to watch. Can't it be the next ER?

And I think you are brushing your teeth normally, or I'm doing it wrong as well!

[Lawyerish]

I have never seen so much as five minutes of Grey's Anatomy, but the toothbrushing thing on TV irritates me, too. I foam! And I only spit at the end! THEY are the ones doing it wrong!

Also, what bothers me even more than the robot-newborns are the Obviously Eight Month Old Babies Being Passed Off as Newborns. Like, dude, I am not buying it that the gigantic baby they just handed to the glowing, perfectly coiffed mother is a newborn. I think I just saw it WAVE. And if a woman gave birth to a baby that large, her skeleton would have come completely unjointed.

I refuse to suspend disbelief about these sorts of things.

I also get very het up about unrealistic real estate, which PLAGUES television and movies. It makes me CRAZY to see people who could barely afford a walk-up studio living in some lavish three-bedroom apartment with a freaking wraparound terrace and a giant, open professional-grade kitchen.

I'm getting upset just thinking about it. Have to go lie down.

[Carmen]

I also watch Grey's and was very annoyed at the newborn baby scenes. Jeepers. And I've said since Dr. Hunt started: EWWW. I also have a hard time focussing on something other than his teeth. They're so TINY. It's annoying. I'm also not drawn to Mark Sloan, but I can appreciate that others might be. But Hunt? Does not compute.

I spit halfway through the brushing. I generate a lot of foam as well; if I didn't spit in the middle, I'd be dribbling all over the floor.

[kate]

There ARE people who can do the non foaming toothpaste thing! My husband can do it and it blows my mind. When I brush my teeth I look like a toothpaste monster splooged all over my face.

You're welcome for that visual.

[Emily]

YES THE BABIES WHO ARE ACTUALLY NINE MONTHS OLD AND YET WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THEY ARE FRESHLY PUSHED FROM THE VAGINA YESSSSSSSSS

[Jenna]

You hit the nail on the head with those creepy babies! I always think about that!

My husband's personal tv pet peeve is that every time someone arrives by car, we hear that dubbed in break sound to let us know that they arrived. Is there a rusty break phenomenon in tv land? Shouldn't these people have enough money to get them replaced?!

Or is it just that Hollywood thinks we are too dumb to realize a car has stopped if we don't hear that noise?

I'm all up in arms about it.

Jenna
momofmanyhats.blogspot.com

[Whitney]

I'll see your robotic baby and raise you an extravagant Halloween costume! Why does everyone in Hollywood just have automatic access to the most fabulous Halloween costumes of all time? Especially people in high school and college! I don't know about you but during those years, I was BROKE. B-R-O-K-E. And they have the nerve to be all, "Oh I don't think I'm going to Jenny's Halloween Party... Oh wait, yes, I am. Here let me grab my elaborately detailed and perfectly accessorized Edwards Scissorhands costume out of the costume. Oh you know, I just happen to have it on hand." WHAT?! No you didn't. Quit with the lies, Hollywood.

[Heather R]

It's funny....I totally know what you mean about Dr. Hunt's teeth, yet when I googled him, it only showed pictures of him, not smiling, smiling without showing his teeth at all, and smiling, but somehow not showing the fangy parts. Rather, his teeth actually looked quite nice! Strange!

About the toothpaste, I also know what you mean! I don't know why they have to make actors have conversations while brushing their teeth....who does that? As far as I know, there is an ingredient in toothpaste that is put in there JUST to make it foam even though foaming is not necessary to get clean teeth. If you buy an "all natural" toothpaste, they will often leave out that ingredient and it won't foam. (Sorry, just a bit of trivia)

[Swistle]

Yes, the "brand-new newborn 3-month-old baby" stuff makes me cranky.

Also, I know it is a typo, and that you probably want to know about the typo, but I wish you wouldn't change it because thinking of you having annunciation skills is AWESOME.

[diana]

Yes! I finally canceled it off my dvr when I realized I had ELEVEN episodes sitting there, unwatched. That is like, a whole season! So, I don't watch it anymore, and I certainly don't miss it- although I do have to say that during my last pregnancy I did have crazy sex dreams about Dr. Hunt which is really weird, because I also find him pretty not-my-style. Blame it on the hormones!

[Kathryn]

I love reading your blog! You have some clever commenters as well. Smart people, them.

My TV pet peeve is when the outside of the house doesn't even pretend to match the floor plan. I feel like the producers are TRYING to insult our intelligence!

[-R-]

I had a friend in college who spit halfway through brushing her teeth, and it totally shocked me the first time I witnessed it. I am a spit at the end person.

I had to quit watching Grey's Anatomy way back when they had a prom at the hospital. Too much!

I can't watch very many law firm shows because I get too frustrated at how inaccurate they are.

I love this post!

[-R-]

Oh, another pet peeve is when 30-year-olds play high school kids. I just watched Easy A this weekend, and it was so distracting.

[-Jen]

First, I am so glad that I'm not the only one still watching Grey's and wondering why. Second, you are not wrong in your method of teeth brushing.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I gave up on Grey's many seasons ago, but I fully understand the need to Just Stick It Out. (I did that with Alias, all the way to the bitter end.)

Also, I spit once during the teeth-brushing process, once everything is good and foamy. And then I brush my teeth - the rinse phase, if you will - with a rinsed-off toothbrush and then spit again.

But my husband does not do this, and thinks I'm weird. So I'm guessing there is no One Right Way to brush teeth.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

And now, after reading the comments, I feel compelled to post again about my own TV pet peeve. Which is that people still hear a dial tone after someone hangs up on them! I haven't heard a dial tone in eight years! And even back in the day when phones HAD dial tones, you didn't hear a dial tone when someone hung up on you - you'd hear nothing... or a busy signal! ARGH.

(Also, I fully agree with Swistle. The "annunciation" typo is one of the best ones I've ever read. It brings up SUCH a fun train of thought.)

[Diane]

You have pulled the thoughts right out of my very own head, Emily. TV toothbrushing has had me convinced I must be doing it wrong for years, because they even do it like that on the Real World! (Okay, so I noticed that in 1997 when I was in high school and watching the Real World, but WHATEVER. They SO DID.) So it's not even just leaving out the toothpaste for the sake of not overingesting fluoride after 900 takes of trying not to spit everywhere -- there is SOME basis in reality. Or reality television. Which I suppose is more television than reality, but it used to seem a little realer. But, like with facing the wrong way in the shower, I'm convinced now that I do it right, and the TV people are morons. (I also save the spit for the end, unless things get out of hand and require a second spit.)

I also think Meredith's hair is better than it's ever been.

Seriously, though, I'm so hung up on the Cristina storyline that I can't even think about the show, because, you know what? If you don't want to ever have kids, maybe you should get yourself some better birth control. You're a SURGEON, for crying out loud. Get an IUD! Or something! BE SMARTER. Two unplanned pregnancies over the course of the show for the one person who never wants to have kids? We are just getting LAZY with the writing here. Cristina is smarter than that! (Also, it really annoys me that her name is spelled that way. It seems completely inauthentic to me, but then this whole show is so stupid anymore and I have been mad ever since they killed off George I MISS GEORGE.)

[Diane]

Also -- the annunciation thing isn't a typo, is it? As in, the act of announcing? (Separate meaning from the Annunciation in Christianity.)

Or maybe I'm missing something and it was a typo and I'm being dumb. THESE ARE ALL POSSIBILITIES.

[Craftyashley]

Yep, I still watch Grey's too. I feel like I've invested a certain portion of my time in the show- need to watch it burn to the ground.

And I don't know what is up with you foamers. I do not foam. Unless I'm using this crazy "ultrasonic" electronic brush the husband brought home- that thing is mental! Are you all brushing like ultrasonically or something? lol

[www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawk2Lc-w5ZHWDdfsdz7Zhu3DyS-kiv9z9Eg]

What annoys me more than anything is no one EVER pays for anything on TV. EVER. I mean... have you noticed how these people get out of cabs and never pay the driver? Or how they leave a restaurant or bar and never see a check? I mean.... these people run their credit cards upside downa nd never carry a purse or a wallet and yet they are always going out to dinner or drinks or weekend getaways... seriously. Hollywood. You have doctors and lawyers and architects and all sorts of professional; types on television and they never pay for anything? Really? I want that life.....

[Linda]

As an RN, I CANNOT watch Grey's Anatomy, but I AM a terrible person way down deep inside.

[Michelle]

I feel the same way about Grey's. Why stop watching now? I've seen every episode and even though it's not good, I can't seem to stop.

Oh, also about Hunt. The thing that creeps me out about him is that he's actually Scottish so if you ever see him on a talk show or in a movie like the one he was in with Dempsey "Made of Honor" he has a Scottish accent. That makes me think of his character on Grey's as insincere and quite fake. Another con of the show for me.

[HereWeGoAJen]

I do not know that I have seen a robot baby. I see the giant ones all the time. They aren't even red anymore. They are covered in jam though.

My TV pet peeve is when someone says "can I talk to you in the other room?" And then they walk off a smidge where in real life, everyone would totally be able to still hear them. And also, I don't think you could actually say that in front of real people and not seem rude.

[Simply Complex]

They don't foam because they spit a lot. How's that for you?

BTW, I'm with you on Dr. Hunt. Gross.

[Rebecca (Bearca)]

This is seriously one of the funniest posts ever. I giggled.

BUT I LOVE DR. HUNT. HOTTTT.