I am using anti-wrinkle cream, I'll have you know

Today was the Mother's Day program at Asher's preschool. It was fine – Lucy played happily with the other kids (though she spent the majority of her time popping a small plastic leopard in and out of the play kitchen's microwave – TINY BIT WEIRD) and I ate a donut at a table full of moms I never see at drop off and pick up because they work full-time at Big Important Government Jobs in the City and have nannies. But that's okay, because they were wearing suits and suits are not conducive to eating powdered donuts, and hey! That means MORE POWDERED DONUTS FOR ME.

That plan backfired, just so you know. At first I was all superior over the fact that I didn't have to worry about my clothes getting powdered sugar all over them; moments after stuffing my face I realized everyone else was eating low-calorie fruit salad with a fork and leaving all their powdered donuts to their offspring. Actually, then someone asked me if I was X child's new nanny, and I had to say no, and she's all embarrassed, “Well you just look so young!” but you know she just said that because I was wearing jeans and not a power suit and had POWDERED SUGAR ALL OVER MY FACE. If she'd just looked a little closer, she would have seen all that powdered sugar settling into the fine lines and wrinkles around my mouth.

Anyway, other than that, it was fine. Perhaps memorable, even, as it was the very first time I have seen Asher participate in a group activity with a smile on his face. It's also the first time I have seen Asher's face while participating in a group activity. Behold, the top of his head.

December:

 

Today:

 

I know, the difference is remarkable. I'll save all my poetic ramblings concerning preschool for “graduation day” in three weeks. I had to use quotation marks because Asher is going back to the exact same classroom with the exact same teachers next year and will be a four-year-old again, so I guess he's graduating from... actually, I have no idea.

The best part of today was getting my homemade Mother's Day card. Dave got his card at an early Father's Day thing a month or so ago and we very much enjoyed the part of the card that Asher filled out with his teacher's help:

Here is the picture he drew of Dave:

I know, right? Your guess is as good as mine on those Menorah hands. We are not Jewish.

Today I got mine:

And a photo of me, with my hair apparently done up like either Sarah Palin or... well, according to sources (those sources being the aforementioned Father's Day card), like Dave.

For the record, I have never ridden a bike in my children's presence, and I have maybe eaten three salads in front of them. But imagine the relief that the card doesn't indicate the truth, which is that my favorite thing to do is The Internet. Also very relieved that no one outed me on my love for Cool Whip. I'm pretty sure Cool Whip is even lower on the food chain than powdered donuts.

Comments

[Lawyerish]

It's impressive that you've managed to keep Dave's tragic case of Menorah Hands a secret for all this time.

[hannah]

Nathan did one of those and said I like to eat salad, too! I have no idea where he got that since I never eat salads around him.

[Annie]

I'm sitting at my desk (at work) reading this and trying so hard to control the laughter but failing miserably. OMG this post is funny. Thank you for the laugh today.

[Callie]

I had a similar Mother's Day event at my son's preschool today, except I am the anomoly for working while the other Moms seemed to all stay at home AND have nannies. Whatev. I would have eaten a donut if there were any, but this was a Cinco de Mayo fiesta. Chips and salsa are not really my thing so I skipped the food. Then paid a ridiculous amount of money for some school pictures, although not as much as all the other parents who bought the full package. Am I crazy or is $85 a bit much for 8 pictures of my kid in a courtyard? OK I'll shut up now.

[Anne]

Definitely a laugh out loud post. Does Dave have Star of David feet?

[Dr. Maureen]

Oh, I love the preschool drawings. Jack recently started drawing all girls and women with eight or so strands of long hair coming out of the middle of the head and down the sides. Hard to explain in words, I guess. But it's new. As for Dave's menorah hands, those are his FINGERS, Emily. Count them! Ten! I'm surprised you didn't recognize them; you must be too used to Dave's freakishly large fingers and the way they grow directly out of his arms. You're probably just jealous because you don't have any fingers at all.

[HereWeGoAJen]

I second the fingers. I think they are fingers too. He should probably see someone though about his fingers migrating from his hands over to his arms there.

At one of our recent playdates, Elizabeth spent most of her time microwaving Buzz Lightyear in the play kitchen. Lucy is not alone.

[Erica]

Menorah hands!!!

[Poohbeargs.blogspot.com]

I love those Menorah hands so, so much.

Also, I think my dog is a little concerned that I am laughing so hard.

[Megan]

Menorah hands, hehehe. Also, love that he is wearing the same shirt in both videos! It doesn't make me feel so bad when half my kid's pictures include the same hooded sweatshirt.

[ant danielle]

Omg, hilarious post AND comments! My heart about broke in half watching that video from December but he more than makes up for it in the Mother's Day performance. So cute!!

[Laura @ the Diniwilks]

This post totally alerted all of my cubemates that I am not working. Thanks for the laugh!

[Julie]

Menorah Hands! LOLOLOLOL! Also, look how nice and tall and skinny he made you! Despite the Sarah Palin hair.

[-R-]

My favorite part is that he thinks Dave is 17 and you are 16. No wonder other moms thought you were the nanny!

[Jennie]

I'm sure you have, but have you combined cool whip with chocolate pudding and a sprinkle of chocolate chips? BEST DESSERT EVER. Full of chemicals, just full of them, but tasty as all heck.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

You do look young - 16, in fact. This entry made me laugh so hard. I read the whole thing to Dave, who also killed himself laughing. You rock.

[Mama Bub]

In my kid's preschool interview he said I'm 122.

[Linda]

This made me LOL.

My kids did one of those for their 4yo preschool year and outed Andrew with his favorite drink: BEER.

[Heather]

I'm laughing so hard I may pee on myself. I cannot believe you and David are only 16 & 17 years old!

[kim]

Great post! I think he put a tiara on you.

[Alison C]

And also, as in the drawing, you are tall and VERY skinny. FTW!

[Anita]

I still carry around a drawing the physician had my youngest (almost 16) draw before she started kindergarten (OMG!) I still find it funny:) The doc explained what each thing meant. So my guess on the "menorah hands" - because I had very distinct fingers in my pic - does Dave do a lot of work on the computer? I am a court reporter, so my kids have always seen me on the computer.
But at least Asher said that you ate salads and liked to bike instead of saying donuts and watching TV! You eat sensibly and exercise instead of eating junk and sitting on your duff.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

Those cards are hilarious. I got a good chuckle over the ages. 16 and 17 - ancient!

[whoorl]

What is up with the salad business? That's what Wito put on his Mother's Day sheet for me...actually, he said "lettuce." LETTUCE. Really?

[steph]

Oh Emily, Asher is just so handsome and happy and smiley in that second video. I feel proud of him for you! :)

Can't wait to hear all about his progress!

No wonder the other moms thought you were the nanny, you're freakin' 16 years old!