I need to get a video of the fist pump

You guys, we have a new Neighborhood Menace and for once it isn't a crotchety old widow with three cats and an overzealous attachment to the (NON-ASSIGNED) parking space directly in front of her house!

We have a pooping robin.

It doesn't SOUND like a big deal, does it? Well, in fact, IT ACTUALLY IS. This bird spends his entire day (HIS ENTIRE DAY) flitting from car to car in our parking lot, POOPING. He poops on roofs and on spare tires, he poops on sideview mirrors and windshields. He flits and he flies and he lands and then he poops and WHEN DOES HE EVEN EAT, we don't even know, but he must be eating at some point, because LOOK AT ALL THAT POOOOOP. On Friday, the kids and I were home all day long and every time we looked out the window, there was the same stupid bird, ON MY CAR, perfectly positioned so that he could drip bird crap all down the kids' windows. We had to wash the car! The poop was LIMITING VISIBILITY. How does one bird produce SO MUCH POOP? It has solidified two things for Dave and I. For me, that I will never own a pet bird. I am just not interested in inviting that much runny, liquid poop into my home. (Among other things I don't really want in my home, like beaks and feathers and those little scratchy feet which are so so unbelievably gross.) For Dave, that he needs a BB gun so he can shoot it from Lucy's bedroom window.

We have been discussing the Pooping Robin all weekend long. The kids spend an inordinate amount of time at the storm door and the front window: “THE POOPING ROBIN IS BAAAAAAACK!” Last night I actually forgot that we'd agreed to not park our cars in the front row of the parking lot where he loiters, and I parked Dave's car there, so guess what? This morning we got up and there he was, already pooping up a storm on top of the Honda. Can you see him? On the mirror? Do you also see that nearly everyone else has taken their cars and VACATED THE AREA? No one likes the Pooping Robin!

I started parking at the back of the lot, which seemed very First-World Problem until it took me close to 10 minutes to herd two children to the car for preschool drop off this morning (they're prone to wandering) which is when I started thinking about where I might be able to pick up a BB gun for cheap. (Walmart or Craigslist, I'm thinking.)

In other bathroom news, Lucy has been wearing underpants around the house and PEEING IN THE POTTY. She stays dry in between the times I encourage her to go, and tries willingly.

She apparently does not care for reward candy – the only time she has ever accepted it is when I offered it, and she'd forgotten about it by the time I went downstairs to get it and then came back up. This is the only thing she and Asher have in common, except for their ability to hear a siren and tell me whether it is a fire truck (the one with the ladder) or a fire engine (no ladder) or an ambulance. I swear on my life, they hear it and then it passes us and they are RIGHT EVERY TIME. How is this possible? I'm about to ask them to fill out a March Madness bracket so I can sit back and figure out exactly how I will spend our plentiful bounty.

Other things Lucy has been doing lately: Breaking lamps at birthday parties. Saying, “Let's do this thing!” and accenting it with a fist pump (that's probably my favorite one). And falling into BASEMENT WINDOW WELLS.

Yeah, that last one? I wasn't there when it happened, but apparently on Sunday at my in-law's house, Lucy wandered outside (totally fine with that, as there is a kid-friendly patio and a big picture window to watch her through) and saw Asher looking at her through the window. So she sauntered up to the window AND DISAPPEARED. Dave said one second you were looking at her and the next second she was just GONE. And he said everyone in the room kind of went white and no one moved for a millisecond (I'm sure it felt longer) and then he was sprinting outside where he found her unharmed and a bit surprised, albeit three feet below ground level. She'd apparently walked on top of the plastic cover that tops a window well located under the big living room picture window (I'm not sure what the covers are for – certainly not for keeping out animals or intruders since it crumbled under a 24-pound toddler) and just... fell right through.

You southerners without basements have no idea what this is, do you. It's a cover that fits over a basement window that gets light because there's a little cave dug out around it. It looks like this:

Yes, she just FELL THROUGH the middle. Like a trap door! (I don't know if her hands went up in the air or anything.) I'm surprised the jagged plastic didn't cut her on the way down, but somehow it didn't.

Anyway, she's fine, and we're so glad she chose to break something at a RELATIVE'S house this time rather than a friend's house, please see above, re: broken lamp, which she did at a friend's birthday party, to which we were the ONLY NON-FAMILY INVITED. Way to make a good impression, Cassees! Seriously, we're talking shattered glass all over the carpet. It is HARD to break a lamp on carpet, but Lucy is pretty talented at wrecking stuff. (She gets that from her father.) 

Comments

[Lynda M O]

I love your stories; Pooping Robin and Breaking Lamps on carpet--you have more excitement than I do that’s for sure !~!

[Elizabeth]

Lucy is such a gorgeous child. Where did you get that dress? It speaks to me.
Re: pooping robin. Erik suggests a recording of animal noises. MONKEYS AND OTHER LOUD SCREECHES. Heeee. I can only imagine how popular you're going to be around the old homestead when you start blasting recordings of monkey screeches. Also suggests: STROBE LIGHTS.

[Erica]

That would send me into a panic attack, watching my kid just disappear (I don't handle stress very well). But big HURRAY for potty successes!

[Mary Murray]

We had the pooping robin - we called him psycho robin. He would fly into our screens and just cling to them for hours. One nice sunny day my husband parked his car in the driveway with the sunroof open and 5 minutes later psycho robin landed with his rear hanging into the car and pooped on the driver's seat. He has also pooped on the kids as they were walking to the bus stop. Someone did take a BB gun to him but in order for that to work you have to actually hit the robin which didn't happen. Maybe it's the same robin moved to a different location.

[Jessica]

We have a window well right off our patio that isn't even covered. My husband thinks I'm too anxious about it, but I freak out anytime my daughter for a near it.

[Jessica]

GOES near it. Stupid auto-correct.

[charlotte in bristow]

We were told those things are for escaping out of the basement if there's a fire but geez they make me a nervous wreck! Ours has about an 8 foot drop down to cement!! I've resorted to scaring the crap out of my kids with the gory details of what would happen if they fell through it to get them to stay away :)

[H]

In the snowy north, those covers help keep snow out of the window well (in case you need to escape via that window) so people get them for safety. We shovel the snow out of ours because we don't have covers. I wish we had them because another benefit is that pooping birds and random rodents can't get in there. Once, a baby bird was learning to fly in our yard and it kept getting blown into the window well. Every spring, we find a dead vole or two down there. Gross.

[Kristin]

So I had to enlarge the picture to see it properly and I have to ask: Is that poo on the passenger door of the blue car?? This is just one more reason why I HATE birds!!

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

This is my favorite part: "We had to wash the car! The poop was LIMITING VISIBILITY."

So funny and yet so annoying to live through, I'm sure!

[Terri]

The snow cover would totally freak me out if my kid disappeared into one. Whew, glad she is okay.

The pooping bird...find the neighbor with the bird feeder keeping the bird in the area and then use the BB gun on the feeder.

[Heather Raab]

OMG, I am cracking up at "pooping robin!" We have SEVERAL pooping robins at our house too (although I think it is funnier to imagine just one!)..I think it is their M.O. They love our cars AS WELL AS our adirondack chairs and swing set! I have to hose everything down each time we go out to play. SO GROSS!!!!

[craftyashley]

First: Totally get a bb gun. Make sure you get him twice. Once just knocks 'em out. (I know this because we have a nest of pooping pigeons on the house across the street)

Second: Basements are weird. Those covers look so crazy! Digging out a hole for a window just seems absurd for us desert dwellers.

[Katie Newsom]

Okay, all I have to say is THANK YOU for the picture, because I had NO IDEA what you were talking about. I was like, "She fell through a hole of a window in front of a window, wha?" I'm here in Texas so I was quite clueless! (Though I've always thought having a basement would be cool!)

And the pooping Robin story is all kinds of hilarious!! I hope he gets bored soon!

[Laurie]

I don't know a lot about birds, but maybe the robin has IBS? Yes, that must be it.

[HereWeGoAJen]

Okay, so you get a bird feeder, to lure the robin away from the cars. And, here is the genius part, you put it up over the crotchety old widow's house.

I dislike birds. They give me the creeps, with their weird little beaks and their creepy feet.

[True Religion Outlet]

We use friendship writing a book, a thick book.

[Kerry]

So glad I'm not the only one who's significant other uses a BB gun. We live in a crazy hippie liberal area- and have to keep it (eliminating pests) a secret!

[Rebecca]

Tim has a BB gun... Dave's welcomed to it. Seems like an even swap for the tile cutter of y'alls we're currently using. Course, you might want it back once Dave incapacitates the bird. You can go all french it (relax robin lovers of America, I'm kidding).

[Christian Louboutin Platforms]

Finally! the truth and pettiness of the public officials is stated! i am amazed that the city can continue to claim the pension cost as part of the budget to the citizens, it was (before this year) a seperate cost. i wonder if the pension cost for any other department in the city is being included in their budgets? and how much was the % of budget in the 80's? i bet it was similar if not more. and what effect on the numbers did the court order to pay have? i doubt this is sudden nor new, these cost are probably pretty constant short of the 3 years of nonpayment by the city.

[K Leafloor]

As a Canadian momma where window wells are plentiful, I am ALWAYS worried my now running 15 month old son will fall into one. Glad to hear L was ok. It kind of takes the edge off my obsessive worry every time he passes one of the FIVE we have at our house.

And, what's up with the last comment? DId I miss something? I know I'm pretty tired from 6 hour outside play sessions but I can usually follow a blog..... usually ;)