Denim revelation

Last week we were at TJ Maxx when I stooped down to look at a book with Lucy and heard a clear RRRRRRIPPPPing sound. I stood up and it quickly became apparent that there was a delightful breeze blowing straight through my pants to my nether regions. I'd somehow torn through the crotch of my jeans. Is there anything LESS CLASSY than ripping your pants in public? IN THE CROTCH, NO LESS?

They weren't even TIGHT jeans. I really shouldn't have been wearing them out in public at all – they have a big hole in the knee and even before the hole appeared, they've never been the most attractive fit. The waist was too big and they sagged through the butt and there was always a lot of hitching going on, but OH, they were COMFORTABLE and they were still a stylish cut (they were a GAP purchase within the last year), they were just... ill-fitting on me. Which, I KNOW. That fact alone doesn't exactly make it acceptable.

But now I'm out another pair of pants and I really only have one other pair remaining that I like wearing. I really really have no idea how to dress in the winter. I know what I'm doing when it comes to summer clothes (skirts! tank tops! embellished t-shirts! SO EASY!), but winter throws me for a total loop. I buy sweaters and then I hate them. I buy long-sleeved t-shirts (FINE, I buy CHEAP long-sleeved t-shirts) and then I get frustrated when they shrink. I hate that winter clothes cost so much more per item than summer things and often need to be drycleaned. And I don't have an inkling of intelligence when it comes to winter footwear. I seriously could write a whole post on this Winter vs. Summer thing but I am so frustrated about it right now that the only thing I can do is vow to suck it up when next fall rolls around and buy myself an actual wardrobe that I will like wearing, even if it costs a crapload of money.

This morning, my favorite (and now, pretty much only) pair of jeans was in the washing machine. So I dug through my closet until I found a pair that fits, and I wore them to take Asher to preschool. The definition of “fits” here is that I could button and zip them easily and they didn't look OFFENSIVE on me. But they were uncomfortable. They're the wrong rise, so they cut into my pouchy mom tummy and they're a little too tight through the rear and when I sat down in the car, they gave me two very unattractive tire rolls, which I KNOW, not a big deal, except that I couldn't stop thinking about how much I disliked wearing them. I was CONSUMED by thoughts of how much I dislike them. Then it occurred to me that I have owned that particular pair of jeans for close to TEN WHOLE YEARS.

Ten years. Nearly an ENTIRE DECADE. That's... that's a pretty spectacular lifespan for an item like that. And I started thinking about why I was even holding on to this particular pair of jeans. Granted, they work in a pinch. But I bought them in 2002 or something, when I was 24. Twenty-four years old, OMG. I am not even remotely the same kind of person I was at 24; why would I even hold on to these jeans that I don't like wearing? Why am I letting them hang out in my closet at all? If they make me feel bad about myself, shouldn't I just get rid of them? They're not even particularly STYLISH anymore. (TEN YEARS.) We're not talking about a Chanel suit, we're talking about a pair of low-rise, Express-brand jeans.

I keep these stupid jeans because I keep thinking someday I'll fit into them again. Except that I DO fit into them, and they're not flattering or comfortable. I don't know why I can't seem to remember that even if I lose weight and those jeans are LOOSE on me, that I don't have the same body I had at 24 anymore, and they will NEVER look quite right. Let's not even get started on whether or not they're in style. (I suspect that they are not.)

Ten years makes a world of difference in a body – I think a lot of us tend to forget that. There's a big difference between 14 and 24 (somewhere in between those two years I grew boobs, after all); a bigger difference for me between 24 and 33 because I HAD TWO BABIES, and gained and lost hundreds of pounds during gestation and postpartum. I keep forgetting that I can lose as much weight as I want and it still won't turn my body back into my 24-year-old body because I am now TEN WHOLE YEARS OLDER and a MOTHER OF TWO. And in 10 more years as a 43-year-old? I am going to feel the same way about my 33-year-old body. I do not know yet if there will have been any more babies during those years.

What those jeans represent to me is a time in my life that has passed, and that I will not be going back to. I am not getting any younger. And while I am fit and healthy and VERY happy, I am not going to ever turn back into a 24-year-old. I don't need to look like that 24-year-old to look good. I do not need those particular jeans lurking in my closet, making me feel like I need to get back to that particular standard. Things are different now.

So this morning after I dropped Asher at preschool, I stopped at home, changed out of those stupid pants, and added them to the big bag of donations we were planning to drop at Goodwill. Goodbye, stupid pants. Goodbye, 24. I feel much better at 33 anyway – now I've got to make it a priority to DRESS like I do.

Comments

[Maggie [The Freckled Citizen]]

Last weekend I was sitting around with my siblings and everyone's spouses and we started telling pants-ripping stories. Hilariously, my brother-in-law had several dramatic pants-ripping stories, and can make the perfect ripping sound, too. We had tears streaming down our faces, we were so amused. (Did I mention that we were at a funeral reception? And comic relief was SO DAMN GOOD?) At any rate... I like that you are embracing the rip. It happens. Life moves on. We change. Almost always, for the better. :-)

[Alyssa]

Love this!!! I am actually much happier with my body now than when I was 24. I am 31 now and have had 2 babies. I need to look good for a 31 year old, not a twenty something!My body has changed, and I deserve clothes that fit and flatter it! thanks for reminding me.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

This made me CRY for some reason for Pete's sake. Just your confidence about the passage of time and the changing of the body. I wish I had your self-assurance. I am still mourning my decade-ago body.

[Erica]

Here here! Goodbye old jeans!! Good decision!

[sarah]

Damn straight. Thank you for this.

[Brigid Keely]

Yeah, that's why I hate stuff like "get your pre-baby body back!" That is impossible. That body? Is gone. Forever. Your muscles are different. Your pubic bones are notched. You will never have the exact body you had before you were pregnant. Maybe you will become as fit as, or fitter than, you were then but that is a whole different story.

In embarrassing personal stories time, I once crouched down at the store and my (loose) jeans split open in the back. I'd previously caught the pocket on something and a small hole had appeared, and I'd just kept wearing them. I was wearing very flashy undies. Fortunately, my shirt was long enough to cover the damage... or else I was able to convince myself that was the case.

[Kerry]

What is it about Gap jeans?! They are basically the perfect fit and color for the first 2 months, then fade and totally thin out. Grrr! Even Target jeans are more durable.

[Heather R]

I just cried too.....oh man. I am roughly the same age as you and have also had 2 kids...and I also have a few jeans from when I was 24 and everything about this story, except for the jeans ripping in public, sounds like me. I try and wear those stupid tight, low-rise jeans because I am finally at my pre-pregnancy *weight*....but they don't fit the same. I know I will never get into a bikini because the skin on my stomach is stretched out and sags, but I guess I was kind of in denial about not getting my body back. I really have been hanging onto the hope that maybe if I lose 10 more lbs, my stomach will be flat....I mean, saggy, but the pouch will not be as full of fat. But reading this post has made me admit to myself that it probably won't happen. But I am not in that place yet where I am happy about my body like you are. So, here I am crying.

[Robin]

If you like skirts in the summer, why not in the winter? I love to wear cozy jersey dresses or skirts and tees with leggings (pretending to be tights, but leggings are comfortable and tights aren't) and boots. Uh, usually Uggs, but you could choose something more stylish. Throw on a cardigan and a chunky necklace and you look like you got "dressed" except you feel like you're in sweats. Awesome!

[Robin]

Oh, and I realize that your winter wardrobe is totally not your point, I just got sidetracked by the rabid desire to spread the winter dress gospel.

[Jen]

I'm pretty sure I still own a similar pair of Express jeans (Stovepipe style, maybe?) and I think it's about time I cleaned out the ol' closet.

On a side note, I think you're the third person who mentioned Gap jeans ripping after just a year of wearing them! I think Jonna had TWO pairs rip, as a matter of fact.

[Jessica]

I feel very, "YEAH, GIRLFRIEND" about this post. I don't know what I think about that, since I am not someone who would EVER say that outloud.

But. Yes. YES YES YES. I am happier now than at 24. Fitter. I actually like my body more, even if most people wouldn't (stretch marks, GOT 'EM) but this body can birth kids and nurse them and run 13.1 miles without stopping and hell if my 20 year old self could do THAT.

And I vote yes to the other baby, by the way. You were asking for votes, right?!

[Val]

I did the same thing after each of my kids [I have two.] I held onto this pair of Gap jeans that I LOVED with screaming capital letters...pre-baby. They fit my curves. They didn't bunch. They were so soft and well worn in and the length was just right. After I finally lost all the baby weight after baby #1 I tried them on. Strange. They didn't fit. Even though I was technically the same size. Oh, but I was not. Hips changed, belly changed, butt changed. You know the drill. And yet I held onto them. Convinced I could feel that comfort, that "just right" fit again.

Fast forward to after baby #2 and after that weight was gone. In fact, I was even less at this point. I smugly put those jeans on and nearly had a breakdown when it occured to me that they would. not. fit. Damn. I was so bummed.

Of course I have since found my new pair of just-right jeans, but it took some hunting, I'll tell you that.

[Natalie]

This is so, so right on. And now I'm off to clear the closet of about 6 pairs of pants that I've hung on to for NO GOOD REASON. Thank you!

[sarah]

I, too, do not know how to dress for winter. I hate being cold, I hate the shorter days, so I have work uniforms of sweaters, pants and (soul-crushing) danskos. I keep flip-flops in the car just in case there is a random heat surge and I can wear them with the uniform. Flip-flop, tank top, skirt weather is wear its at.

[Aunt Carol]

When I was around 40, I was in an arobics class and my leotard ripped. Everyone thought I farted. I was sooooo embarrased.

[Frema]

I have a handful of skirts, jeans, and khaki pants hanging in my close that I haven't properly been able to fit into sometime between 2005 and 2007. But, oh, they are cute. And I felt cute wearing them. And clothes are not cheap. What if? I think to myself. What if I got down to that weight again and they weren't there?

I am happier with my 31-year-old self, but damn if my twenty-something self didn't have a kick-ass wardrobe!

I do agree with the "YEAH, GIRLFRIEND" sentiment of this post, though! (Love that, Jessica!)

[youncrys]

Mine always wear out high on the inner thigh. Ok I admit it, my thighs rub together. They always have. Even before I had a kid.

I just go and buy a pair that are exactly like the last pair and go on my way. I remember them as "very useful pants." I could care less about style, I thrive on comfort. I am sorry that my style is years old but honestly, it will come back around in a few more years so I don't sweat it. At least I am not pining and rolling my pant legs anymore. Right? Right?

[Lauren]

I love jeans, sweaters, and boots, so I am covered for CASUAL winter-wear. But church and other somewhat dressy situations are killing me. I just don't want to spend the money on clothes I don't wear as often. Every Sunday morning, though, I hate my closet.

For jeans, I have had to accept that there really is a difference in how the pricey ones fit. But I wear them every day, so the cost per wear is worth it. At least, that's what I tell myself.

[Jordan Chris Paul]

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

[Lisa]

I've been thinking the very same thing about my wardrobe, and you have inspired me to go clean out my closet. I think I still have a few items in there from *gasp* high school. I know. And I'm a year older than you, so you can imagine how sad that is.

[Kat]

I read this post yesterday and chuckled at the ripping story. Should have known better, today right before I had to give a major sales presentation in front of all the big wigs in my department the zipper on my skirt split. Had to give my presentation with my cashmere sweater wrapped around my waste jr high period style. But I was thinking of this post that I read originally yesterday and felt much better knowing I was not the only one

[Laura]

Robin already said everything I was going to write about conquering winter dressing! Leggings, knit skirts/dresses, layered tees/tanks with sweaters, boots (or flats on warmer days). I wear the knit skirts and tees/tanks year-round, so it's just a matter of switching footwear and adding layers for the winter months. I've had great luck at H&M for leggings and sweaters. I've gotten some great skirts and dresses for really cheap at 6pm.com (North Face, Patagonia, etc.). My everyday boots this year are Teva Montecito in brown leather. So comfy and they go with everything!

[Katieliz]

Preach it, sister! My doula says it would really be a shame if we didn't have some evidence on our bodies of the amazing, wonderful thing we accomplished. Nurturing LIFE!

I'm with ya on the winter wear, though. Why is it so hard to find jeans that fit?? Hooray for purging the closet!

[Kayemgi]

I just did a merciless purge of my closet and I know exactly what you mean. I found a bunch of stuff I was saving in case I ever fit into it again and I finally realized, even if I DO fit into it again, I still wouldn't wear it! It's either too young for me now, not in style, or never fit quite right in the first place. So now I have a mountain to go to Goodwill and I feel so much better!

I too hate winter clothes, for all the reasons you said. And summer clothes just feel more comfortable to me, probably because I'm not a dresser-upper, I prefer flip flops and tee shirts at all times. Fitted, somewhat stylish tees, but still tees. I found the most comfortable winter uniform for me is jeans, one of my trusty tees, flats and a cardigan. A bunch of cardigans in varying weights and colors carry me from fall through winter into spring and they keep me comfortable and can dress up (with embellishments!) or dress down as needed. Perfect and way comfier than a bulky sweater!