This blog was way more interesting when I was potty training Asher

I'm sick.

And I would tell you how I HATE being sick, because that seems to be what people do, after the initial “I'm sick!” announcement – tell you exactly how much they HATE being sick. As if there are people out there who really LOVE being sick and they want you to know how DIFFERENT they are, how ORIGINAL and UNIQUE, because this sick thing is for the birds! Also, they are obviously way sicker than you have ever EVER been.

It occurs to me that this must be one of my pet peeves, this announcing how much you hate being sick, because now that I think about it, I can think of three or four people I have muted on Facebook JUST FOR THIS REASON. Yes, it sucks to be sick, I myself know that firsthand. But MY LANDS, people, TRY TO SUCK IT UP FOR THE REST OF US. We've been there! TRUST US ON THIS.

I find it amusing that people have absolutely no qualms about complaining about colds or hangovers or hangnails and yet! I have encountered very few people who log on to Facebook or Twitter and gripe and moan about their CHEMOTHERAPY. Or LEG AMPUTATIONS. Am I right?

Anyway, so I'm sick. I've been sick for two? three? weeks now, I was sick right on through my Big Chicago Weekend and I thought it would get better on its own and I TRIED to hold out but this morning I thought my ears might actually burst and I'd have to watch my brain flow out the holes onto my new couch and I don't think the warranty we bought covers brain matter. So I went to the doctor. (Big put-out sigh.) I actually would have gone to the doctor on Monday, because I felt pretty freaking crappy on Monday, but I am going to be honest with you here: I did not want to climb onto the doctor's office scale.

Yes, FINE, I put off getting well so that I did not have to find out if I've gained any weight in the last month. Which I figured I most certainly had, given my Prolonged Period of Grieving for the Dog Which Manifested Itself in Chocolate Consumption, and also the evil holiday known as Halloween. Seriously, it took a threat of BRAIN MATTER to get me into the office today, because I was afraid of the scale. Which is weird, you know, because I weigh what I weigh whether I've looked at the scale or not, you know? I mean, I am the same size EITHER WAY. And I was having such difficulty swallowing and basically trying not to die that I decided it was worth it to know if I needed antibiotics slash Weight Watchers.

I needed antibiotics. I don't need Weight Watchers, necessarily, I just need to STOP EATING CANDY. Also I would like to announce to all doctors out there that it would be nice if when you come at a patient with one of those giant cotton swabs that tests for strep, you could maybe insert a bit of a pause and a transitional statement of sorts? Like maybe, oh, I don't know, “Let's do a quick strep test!” The nurse I had this afternoon didn't say ANYTHING about a strep test before she came at me with a foot-long q-tip. I saw it coming and I instinctively opened my mouth but still. How about a little BEDSIDE MANNER? Later she asked about steroid nasal sprays and whether I had ever had success with them and I confessed that I didn't really know, because I'd been addicted to Afrin the last time I tried a steroid nasal spray so I didn't know which product was the one that worked and she gave me this very disapproving look and sighed and shook her head and said, “We tell people not to use that stuff, you know,” which seemed to be an attempt on her part to make me feel like I should be participating in an episode of Intervention.

Then she typed a bunch of stuff on her little computer and asked me what pharmacy I like to use and then she typed some more and then she closed the little computer and said, “Okay!” Which is annoying, because then I had to ASK if she'd sent my prescription to the pharmacy. Why couldn't she close her little computer and say, “I sent your prescription to the pharmacy.” She just looked at me and made ME do the dirty work. I did not particularly enjoy my encounter with her, is what I'm saying. And I haven't even TOLD you about the part where I waited in the exam room for 30 minutes. Not that that's even out of the ordinary, anymore. What is it about doctors and the exam room wait? I mean, I get that things happen and you can't be exactly on time to every single appointment but raise your hand if you've ever had a doctor come into the exam room late and APOLOGIZE? THEY NEVER DO. They EXPECT that you'll just be waiting there – they especially love it if someone's already instructed you to take off your pants and cover yourself with a big piece of tissue paper, because then you're REALLY not going anywhere, ARE YOU. And God forbid if you happen to hit the intersection of Thong Underwear and Slightly Warm Exam Room because your sweaty butt? IS TOTALLY STICKING TO THE PAPER.

So yeah. I'm sick. Also: irritable. I want to tell you cute stories about my kids and all about my fabulous weekend in Chicago but I need to feel like a human again, first.

Comments

[Lynda M O]

I am sorry that you are feeling poorly; may the goddess of autumn sprinkle gorgeous colors in front of you wherever you must go. My dream revealed that your puppers doesn't hurt physically. Emotionally he send strength and knows that you are healing. Know that we are thinking of you every day.

[Lisa]

I saw one doctor twice recently where I waited two hours each time. Two hours! So annoying. Nowhere else in life would this be considered acceptable. Hope you feel better soon!

[Vicki]

I had a doctor's appt last week and had to wait in the exam room for a pretty long time (although not two hours, thankfully). When the doctor finally came in, she apologized for keeping me waiting not once but THREE times. I almost fell off the exam table, I was so surprised. Considering I was in just the awesome paper gown, that wouldn't have been good at all. Hope your drugs work quickly!

[tiah]

Actually I did have a GP who apologised when late. Everybody who saw him always commented on it; because, yes, it is so unusual he was like a strange creature from outer space that must be studied. Get well soon!

[coach outlet stores]

I LOVE this! SO cute!*

[Susanlee]

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I do kind of enjoy being sick. Especially if it's just sick enough to stay in bed with juice and a book. Perhaps I should mention that I don't have children.

[Raven]

I'm sorry you feel craptastic!

It's like they schedule you to sit that 30 min, it's built in to your appt!

UGH.

When I go to see my OB, I expect to sit on that paper for at least 45 to an hour or longer, because HE ALWAYS delivers a damn baby during my appts. ALWAYS. It's like a bad Rom Com at this point.

[Becky]

My doctor actually apologizes for making me wait! I wait almost every time I go see him, but the fact that it bothers him enough to offer sheepish apology makes it so much easier to take.

[Maura]

I'm with Susanlee. Any excuse not to go to work. I've contemplated licking subway poles just to get a few days off. Or not getting a flu shot hoping to actually GET the flu. That being said, nobody else likes when I'm sick because I'm a miserable patient. Whoops.

Anyway, I haven't stepped on a doctor's scale in YEARS. When they lead me to it, I tell them I know how much I weigh and how tall I am. No need for public embarrassment. I embarrass myself every morning on the damn scale. ALONE.

[pseudostoops]

YES with the butt sweat! Waiting for my first ultrasound, my butt got so sweaty that when I had to scoot down for ultrasound time, the paper RIPPED and STUCK TO MY ASS and she had to stop and get a new piece and I was picking little bits of wet tissue off my legs for the rest of the day. As if the "internal wand" ultrasound device was not dignity-stripping enough.

[DevilsHeaven]

When I went to my Gyno she actually walked in on me in the midst of me "disrobing". We were both startled by it. Like it mattered if she actually SAW my boobies when they weren't barely covered by the silly paper robe. I wasn’t moving slowly or anything, I just thought I had more time, as per usual.
Also, I don't like being sick, but I DO like being allowed to sleep forever and shelping about in my pj's watching TV all day.

[HereWeGoAJen]

I fired our last pediatrician for keeping me waiting too long EVERY time. Sure, emergencies happen, but if they happen every time I am in your office, then they shouldn't be a surprise every day, but something you plan for. It was especially annoying when I had the FIRST appointment of the day.

[Steph]

I am just...in so much love with you that you talked about not going to the dr b/c you don't want to get on the scale. Like, I can't even express my joyous admiration and love for you. I have canceled TWO "general physical" appointments because I was scared of the scale. And I totally understand and agree about the "it doesn't matter because the weight is the same whether I know it or not" but STILL. (I totally judge my weight by my clothes, not the scale. The numbers frighten me.)

You are awesome and I big puffy heart you. Thank you thank you thank you!

Also, hope you feel better soon! :-)

[Shauna]

I have to admit, I am guilty of putting an 'I hate being sick' facebook update. Now I'm a little nervous about those judging me if I ever complain about it. I mean, everyone complains about something right? It's not like I put up a status update about it every month about it or anything but still! I guess I just feel like the whole someone always has it worse thing can work in any situation, there for making us NEVER allowed to complain about anything!
My gyno is a total pain in the butt about making me wait. She is notorious about taking too long lunches, and if I didn't love her to death, I would be really mad. In fact, I get really mad every time I make an appointment around lunch time, and I wait 35 minutes because SHE'S taking her time on lunch (my time is valuable too!) but then as soon as I see her I forgive her because she is seriously my favorite doctor!

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I have been fortunate to have doctors apologize if they've kept me waiting too long, but I have totally seen doctors who do NOT apologize.

Also, I once waited for an hour and a half in a waiting room before my appointment. And I was a little irritated, but I know emergencies happen yada yada. So finally I bit the bullet and went up to ask the receptionist what was going on, and she was aghast that I'd waited for so long, and SCOLDED ME for not coming up sooner! Turns out, SHE had forgotten to check me in, even though I'd signed in on the little form at the window. Yet she still thought I was to blame for the long wait.

Annoying.

Anyway, I hope you feel better quickly. Sending you healing-type thoughts and fake Internet chicken soup.

[Trilby]

I have to take my boys, (4 yrs and 2 yrs) to the doctor tomorrow morning. I fully expect to leave there with less hair on my head. I hate having to wait in the crowded waiting room with 2 rambunctious little kids. I usually can't WAIT to get in the exam room! And the doctors NEVER apologize... the PA does though.

Sorry you're feeling so bad. Hope your meds kick in soon and you feel better. :)

[Aunt Carol]

Somebody is cranky.

[A'Dell]

There is nothing that sets me off like Doctor Injustice. NOTHING.

But at least she didn't make you cry, which is exactly what happened to me yesterday. UGGGH!

[way to lose weight]

i became WW LifeTime member in 92, left WW and had several ups/downs on "diets" and returned to WW in 2/08. I got rid of all the excess and have maintained my weight at/below goal for 2 years. I still go to meetings almost weekly and weigh-in when I go. I need to continue to work on the coping skills to keep me from emotional eating. WW gives me the structure and direction to develop a healthy lifestyle. It's not a diet. Its a lifestyle. i know I can't do it on my own - I would have already if I could have.

[sassy]

I am lucky to have a really good doctor who thinks bedside manner is SO important. But here are my thoughts. Until people call these people on their behavior they are not going to stop. I think some of them don't even realize what their behavior is like. Some of them treat patients like body parts and not people. I refuse to let them do this to me anymore. Refuse. I know you don't like confrontation. Me neither! But I will call them on the carpet. The nurse that comes in and just starts poking and prodding me and asking me personal questions? She could tell me her name first. So you know what...I say "I am sorry I did not get your name." Then they realize what they have done. The one that sticks a swab down my throat "Could please give me a warning next time." And the doctor that would just close a computer and do that? I would say "Okay? Have you prescribed my medication? Are there any special instructions?" and it sucks. But I won't let them do it. I have had some doctors that have treated me like crap. Just because they are wearing a white coat doesn't give them the right to be disrespectful. Empower yourself as a patient. Seriously. It's your heath! Do it! And honestly I think some of them are so ingrained in their routines they don't even notice. Make them notice.

Oh and don't ever wait on the table unless you are already stuck in the paper sheet or you know they are coming right back. I sit on the chair and read magazines. You make me wait I am going to be comfy.