Let's Catch Up on the Basics in a Quick Takes Fashion

It stresses me out sometimes that I get around to posting once a week, at best. This blog is supposed to be a RECORD OF MY LIFE or something, especially if I'm never going to get around to finishing the 84 scrapbooks I started and then abandoned when I couldn't get the penmanship on page six EXACTLY RIGHT. Do you ever get out of the habit of posting and then NOTHING seems remotely publishable? The more I write, the more I feel like writing. So I'm working on getting back into the swing of things – the ideal being the way I wrote when I had that paying gig a couple of years ago and was Contractually Obligated to post three times a week. Three times a week would be ideal; I'm guessing I'm going to have to shoot for two and be pretty pleased with that effort for a while until I get my gears greased up and running like they used to.

In order to achieve this (annoying) fresh start of sorts, I feel like I need to write a bit of a basic update, you know, to make me feel like we're all caught up and ready for New Material. If you were wondering, by “basic” I simply mean “BORING.”

One: So, the dog is still dead. But just like you guys all promised, it is getting better. We are used to living in this house without him, now that he's been gone for more than a month. I am able to talk to people who ask about him without crying, and when the kids forget that he's not here, I am able to talk to them calmly and rationally about what happened to him. We opened the gate at the top of the stairs the other afternoon and Asher said, “Wait, we have to let B go down first so he doesn't knock us down!” and I had to remind him that Hambone (Asher always called him B, short for Bones) doesn't live here anymore. It sucks, but it's also just how it is now, and I accept that. The hardest thing is trying to remember the good things. My brain gets stuck replaying the last day of his life: how he couldn't walk, how he looked all drugged up and woozy, his body lying on a fleece blanket on the floor of the vet's office. I wish I could replace those visuals permanently. I know they'll fade with time, but I'm pretty impatient. For clarification purposes, it's not that I'm impatient in my regular life; just impatient with the Rapidly Failing Dog imagery.

Two: Asher is doing AWESOME at preschool. It still remains unclear whether he talks to anyone, but he follows directions and listens to his teacher and sometimes he even eats the snack, if it looks familiar enough (SpongeBob crackers did not pass this test). I stayed at school the day he had his Halloween party and went to music class with him and he was participating – dancing around like a tree, squatting on the floor like a seed, growing in time with the music. All with a big goofy smile on his face, while wearing his Halloween costume. I could have cried, I was so happy to see him enjoying it and looking confident. I also noticed that whenever he sat down, two or three little boys sat down with him. Even if he isn't TALKING to them, at least they LIKE him. At least enough to sit next to him BY CHOICE. The other day the mom of another boy in his class pulled me aside and said she had helped out in the class the week before and that Asher was just the SWEETEST kid. She couldn't stop talking about how sweet he was, how nice he was to all the other kids. I thought my heart might burst with pride.

Three: ON THE OTHER HAND, Asher is simultaneously going through some sort of anxious phase and is refusing to do anything (ANYTHING) by himself. He has never been a very independent child to begin with, but now he demands that I remain within a two-foot radius of his person no matter what he's doing. He asks me to accompany him each time he goes to the bathroom and he follows me through the house and I actually have a better chance of spontaneously growing a sixth finger on my left hand than I do getting him to run upstairs to retrieve his shoes from his bedroom. And lately he's been waking up in the middle of the night and calling for us and saying he doesn't want to be by himself and then after we get him settled, sometimes he lies there, awake, for an hour or two before falling back asleep (and then wakes up early for the day). Then he ends up taking a nap because he's so exhausted, which means we have a difficult time getting him to bed at a decent hour. He sleeps better at night with fewer wakeups if he doesn't nap, but we're in this vicious sleep deficit cycle (plus both kids have been sick) and who am I to deny sleep to a child who wants it so badly? Every afternoon I tell him it's time to rest and that he can take a toy with him to bed (it's my Secret Way to keep him from falling asleep) but he REFUSES TO TAKE ONE. He WANTS to sleep. This whole Not Being Alone Thing is starting to wear on ALL of us.

Four: For reference, Asher currently looks like this.

Five: Lucy. OMG LUCY. I did not truly understand the meaning of the word “delight” until she came along. Ok, truthfully, not until the last three or four months, because before that she sucked the life out of us ALL NIGHT LONG. But now she reliably sleeps through the night and I don't have to hold a sleep-deprived, frustrated grudge against her and that frees up a lot more brainpower for general, all-consuming adoration. She repeats everything we say, and comes up with a lot of stuff all on her own, and it just thrills and entertains me to no end. Whenever we enter a store together, she acts like she's straight out of a third-world country: “WOOOOOOAHHHH!” She makes a standard request when she gets up in the morning: “Juice! Waffle! Turn on Mickey Mouse!” She admonishes herself when she does something wrong: “Lucy! Claire!” I do not want her growing up. No. NO NO NO NO NO. Yesterday she spontaneously kissed me and tenderly patted my cheek and that has never ever ever happened to me before and I would like it to happen pretty much continuously for the rest of my life. As long as she doesn't grow up. (Those little fingers!)

Six: Lucy, also for reference.

Seven: And me? I've been doing some freelancing. Nothing terribly exciting, nothing truly noteworthy. But figuring out how to get assignments done without completely ignoring the offspring for the entire day (especially when one of them no longer naps reliably) is WAY harder than it looks. It was stressing me out for a bit there, enough that it was starting to stand in the way of me ever relaxing – I always felt like SOMETHING was hanging over my head, and there were times when blogging here felt like cheating, like I was going to get caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing, because I had to write all that OTHER STUFF, and if I wasn't writing the OTHER STUFF, then I couldn't be doing anything for PLEASURE. But I'm getting the hang of it and I'm figuring out how to do it without sacrificing my well-being and my kids' needs and my (nerdy nerdy) hobbies, too.

Recap: Blog here more. Two posts a week would be great, three would be ideal, even if one of them is just photos. Nerdy, pleasurable hobbies are still hobbies.

Comments

[Kristen]

I feel very strongly that blogging is a lot like talking to friends who live far away. If you keep in touch and talk regularly, it's easy to just give them a quick call to say, "Hey! How are you! This funny thing happened and I only have a second but I wanted to share!" whereas, if you haven't talked in 6 months, you can't really do that.

And a little over a year out, I still replay Yuki (our dog) on her last day, but I'm also able to make myself change gears and think about her swimming and playing and running faster than any other dog. And I can mostly talk about her without crying. You're doing great, and it sounds like you're doing an amazing job with helping your kids through it.

[Erica]

Wow. Asher looks so much like you! Both are such cuties.
And on death - sometimes we can't choose what memories are strongest. With my dad, the clearest memory I have of him is when he was in the hospital right before he died - this is now over 5 years ago. It sucks because it's not a pleasant memory but that time is stamped exactly into my brain. I have happy memories too but sigh - we can't choose what sticks with us.

[Erica]

I realize the "both are such cuties" thing sounds kind of weird. I meant both your kids. Of course you are also a cutie but I meant your kids.
Um, yeah.

[Patti]

My daughter (a year younger than Asher) just started preschool this year and it's been exciting to watch her blossom in that setting. She's a shy child, too.

(I've been reading your blog for a while, but am just now coming out of lurkdom. I grew up in NoVa, but now live in Tidewater.)

[Annie]

Hi Friend. Funny, I was just thinking recently, "Emily doesn't post as often anymore." Made me feel better about the fact that I never do ANYTHING as often anymore. Just wanted to weigh in on the "Asher not doing things alone and waking up at night" thing. We were there just a few months ago and it made me WANT TO DIE. It was so so so terrible, Emily. Chris was exactly the same - he wouldn't do ANYTHING by himself. Bathroom? No. Playroom? No. Anything at all? NO. And he was waking up at night, too. This was nothing new - he used to wake up, come bounding up the stairs, climb into our bed and go right back to sleep. Not ideal, but no big thing. BUT THEN. He started waking up SCREAMING in the middle of the night. He was having nightmares. He was afraid of monsters. There was a lion in his room. YOU NAME IT. He'd wake up, stand up on his bed, and scream and yell until one of us came down to get him. And if it was the wrong parent on any given night? He'd scream even louder. Sometimes he'd let us lay down on his bed with him until he fell back to sleep. Often he was unhappy with anything other than being CARRIED up to our bed. I was at a loss as to what to do. Finally things got back to normal and he is back to waking up (every night) and just coming back up to our room. I never would have thought I'd be happy with that....

Anyway, hang in there. You're not alone.....and, actually, even though we seem to be through it for now? It's nice to know that we weren't alone in it either. This, too, shall pass.

[Swistle]

I had several sad/unpleasant detail memories from the End Day of both of my cats, and at first that was almost the only thing I could think about when I thought of them, and it was what flashed into my mind when something reminded me of them. But that is definitely getting into more of a weighted balance with time, and the REST of their lives are ALSO participating in the Memory Parade.

[HereWeGoAJen]

If it would help, I'd certainly be up for a favorite memories of Hambone post. Hambone was my favorite internet dog.

Want to start a My Kid Never Slept club? Elizabeth slept through the night for a month when she was eighteen months and then stopped. And then the last three nights, so hopefully she's starting that again.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

Yes, three times a week!! I love your posts.

[Jackie Kalyan]

If it makes you feel any better at all (Im sure it wont) but your the only blog I read. And I totally understand the funk that comes with feeling like you have too much to do in so little time. So whenever you want to post is ok with me, once a week once a month... I miss your BUT TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. I love reading about your kiddos more than I like most anything on this darn computer. I started when you were on parents and my twins are, I think 2 months younger than lucy. So (sorry but) it was comforting to hear that someone else was sleep deprived and crazy. LOL. Hambone was an awesome dog and youll never replace him, but I hope the good memories out weigh that bad day soon!!

[Allison]

I agree - posting is so much easier when you are in the habit of doing it! If I go more than 4 days or so between posts (which I often do), I completely lack inspiration, and then I'm guaranteed to not post for over a week. But I love reading your blog, so I hope you have more success than me at posting regularly!

And I have to say, I have my own Lucy, a bit younger than yours, and I was nodding along with every word you wrote about her. This age! I'd like to freeze it, please! So full of wonderful, surprising bits every day.

[Leslie]

We loat our fourteen year old Lab right around the same time you lost Hambone...same problems, same unhappy ending. Just like you, I cannot get the mental image of her lying on the blanket in the vet's office as we walked out the door out of my mind, but also just like you, it is getting a little better every day. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[joaaanna]

Oh hooray! I'm so glad that you will be posting more! I truly enjoy reading your blog!

[Sarahd]

Yay! I missed reading your regular posts. Now all you have to do is have a bird land on your head and/or turn a corner and dump someone out of a car and it'll be just like old times!

[Sarah]

We lost our 10 year old puppy two weeks ago yesterday. I haven't figured out how to replace the good memories with the bad either but I'm glad to hear it gets easier. I'm still a crying mess whenever I'm by myself. Dogs should be with you forever. Am I right?

[auntie]

Great update post, and I always love seeing pictures of your kids. They're getting so big & they're always adorable!

[Jenn]

We had to put our dog to sleep two weeks after you lost Hambone and I can't get the last images out of my head, either. We are doing mostly OK, in fact, my husband is actually beginning to pester me for another dog (WTF? It's been FOUR WEEKS for pete's sake) but I feel like that would be a rebound dog. Kind of like a rebound boyfriend, you know?

And more posts? most excellent.

[Katie]

I would love to hear about your nerdy hobbies! Also, I'm glad you're planning to post here more regularly. I missed you for awhile there.

[adequatemom]

Yay for posting! I love your posts, every single one of them. The part about having to remind Asher about B. no longer living there made me tear up. You are such an amazing mom.
In the pictures, (to me), Asher looks a lot like you and Lucy looks a lot like Dave. They are both gorgeous.
I remember that stage of complete and utter adoration of my daughter. It ended right around her second birthday. Hopefully it will come back when she hits four. Thanks for reminding me of how that felt!