In which I let Lucy take the reins in the name of capitalism

So listen, you guys! I got a sweet new gig writing for Huggies at their Tumblr blog, Highchair Critics, a blog written for babies, by babies, to promote Huggies Little Movers Diapers. I'll be posting there once a week for the next seven weeks (and linking appropriately when I do) but I had to agree to give Lucy, who is thankfully the only person in our household who still wears diapers, an introductory post here first. SOOOOOO (deeeep breath)... without further ado. (So help me, Lucy, DO NOT SCREW THIS UP.)

***    ***    ***    ***    ***

Hello Internet! It is I, Lucy Claire, star of this blog. You remember me, right? I don't get as much airtime as my brother did when he was my age. This is somewhat distressing, but I know it isn't because I am any less adorable than he was. If there is one thing I am intimately acquainted with, it is adorableness. So what if I can't type the alphabet yet? (Stuff it, Asher.) AM ADORABLE.

Remember me when I was freshly born?

  
No, no wait. Let's try that again, after I've been bathed and clothed in very tiny garments. This is a family website. Lordy.

 
I, Lucy, was the size of my television remote. This is actually the closest I have ever been allowed to come to the television remote. I tend to... how do you say it? Screw everything up. When I touch the electronics, at least.

You may remember I also used to have a real knack for screwing with certain people's emotional stability. For a while there I was getting my parents up and out of bed something like seven times a night. ON AVERAGE. Have you ever seen what someone who gets up seven times a night looks like the next day?

 
Sorry for that. Yeah, so that's kind of why I quit doing it (for the most part). Not only was that face really hard to look at every morning (you should see this mug in color), but also, the quality of life around here went way down. There are only so many macaroni and cheese dinners a toddler can take, you know? If this woman didn't get some more sleep, were headed straight towards RICKETS or something. She was too weak and weepy and exhausted to figure out how to open up a can of green beans every once in a while.

These days, though, I'm almost totally grown up. I sleep through the night, I eat neatly with a fork, I say words, and I frequently climb onto the dining room table all by myself and stand up until someone yells at me.

Also, I am already setting a career path for myself. I'm thinking something along more creative lines. Body art, maybe. Tattoo school.

 
Weird, isn't it? They let me draw all over myself like this without worrying about the mess (I COLORED DIRECTLY ON THE CARPET AND NO ONE BATTED AN EYE) but when I try to eat a popsicle they make me eat it in the bathtub. The very same bathtub that has a permanent ring of mold; the one they keep telling me they're going to replace as soon as they can. (LIES.) Not exactly the kind of ambience I'm looking for while I eat my dessert. 

 
I assume this is a kind of payback for all those nightwakings? Dude, you want to see some REAL payback? HIT THE DECK!

 

TO THE VICTOR BELONG THE SPOILS.

 
Do you SEE this wrath? People, if I can take down a LAMB and a PANDA, there's no telling what's next. Take a look at these guns! Also note my expression of APATHY. I'm a dictator waiting to happen. I'm a super mean and capable dictator wearing a Hello Kitty shirt. Holla!

Now TELL ME I'M ADORABLE. Do it. DO IT. Or I'll happily run you down on my frilly pink ATV and I'll do it TOPLESS. Am wearing aforementioned Huggies diaper which also makes me SUPER FAST and WAY LESS WADDLE-Y thanks to the shaped fit which doesn't bunch up in my super-personal area. In other words, I can so totally take you down.

 
ANYWAY. Let's all say it together now that I've threatened you with vehicular manslaughter. Adorable. Now we can forget all that nonsense above and focus on this. We're nearing perfection over here, if someone could maybe, just POSSIBLY, photoshop out the booger situation.

 
Wait wait wait...

 

MUCH better.

(See? Adorable. Don't you forget it.)

Disclosure: I have partnered with the Huggies brand to help promote Huggies Little Movers Diapers. I have been compensated for my time commitment to the program, which includes writing about my family's own experiences from my daughter's point of view and/or their experiences with diapers. However, my opinions are entirely my own and I have not been paid to publish positive comments.

Comments

[HereWeGoAJen]

Lucy is a very good writer. She should totally write more often. :)

[Maura]

Awesome. And adorable. (Don't hurt me, Lucy!)

[jonniker]

Hail, fellow Highchair Critic!

[tiah]

My daughter had the brown poka-dot onesie, too. In the meantime, well done.

[Bren]

Great Job Lucy! And popsicles in the bathtub? What is that all about??

[Kristin]

Love, love, loved it! :) And Lucy is quite adorable! :)

[Amanda]

Glad to see that I am not the only parent that has her children eat messy foods in the bathtub in minimal clothing!

[One Mom (Kristina)]

Can I just say... I so enjoy reading your posts but this one takes the cake! So funny and yes, Lucy is ADORABLE.

[Megan]

Kudos to you, Emily! (And Lucy, too!)

I just have to say that I'm relieved that I'm not the only person on earth with a permanent mold ring. (I said too much, didn't I?)

[ANNIE]

Wow, Emily. Look at those EYES. Gorgeous.

[Danell]

the remote! she was the size of the REMOTE! And adorable!

[Jennifer S.]

Great post! Lucy = Awesome. & hilarious!

[Jordan 5]

I love you blog very much.And thank you .I hope you have a happy life .
Best wish to you,Let my blessing, is a pure light tea, a light faint scent, brushed the work you tired and dusty, bring you - my friend! Every day in a good mood!

[Jordan 13]

Human hope like a star eternal stars, And the dark clouds can't hide its rays. Especially in today, Peace is not a dream, a dream,It is people's desire