One in, one out

We've had an interesting week. Perhaps most importantly, a week ago today my nephew was born! My sister-in-law had a complicated, high-risk pregnancy, so the little dude had to stay in the NICU for observation for an entire week. His week-long stay ended up being completely uneventful so he's finally being released this afternoon, and I am taking my kids over to meet him when they wake up from their naps. I don't know what to expect as far as their reactions go; it makes me sad that Asher no longer remembers when Lucy was born, or when he held her for the first time, or how tiny she used to be (at one point that child was FOUR POUNDS AND 15 OUNCES), or how ANGRY and DEMONIC I was during my postpartum haze. (On the other hand, perhaps this memory lapse is a good thing.)

Then last Saturday night, my mom called. “Well, I have something to tell you,” she said. She didn't say “I have something BAD to tell you” but I ALREADY KNEW IT WAS BAD. No one calls and says “I have something to tell you” if it's going to be that they bought a new recliner or Aunt Ida's will was finally sorted out and you're getting six million dollars. Those are the kind of conversations you start with “GUESS WHAT?!” followed by a generous helping of whooping and merriment and questions about treating the entire family to a two-week respite in Cancun. No one was whooping on the other end of this conversation. No one mentioned Cancun, either. So I said, “What is it?” and my mom said, “We had to put your cat to sleep.”

This is not necessarily a sad thing. My cat was a month shy of 16 years old and living in my parents' fully-finished basement. My parents generously offered to take her when we had Asher almost four years ago because the cat and my husband did not get along (TOTALLY HIS FAULT) and once we had the nursery set up, there wasn't a bed in the house the cat could hide under to avoid him. Frankly that's no way to live anyway, is it? Hiding under beds in very tiny houses? So she lived with my parents, and got along famously with my dad, and once she got the old Lion Cut she could have won awards for Miss Congeniality. But she was getting old, and she couldn't groom herself, and she threw up about a bazillion times a day and she scarfed down food and water and peed so much that the litter box had to be cleaned every day or it would float down the hallway and then, in the last few days of her life, she went downhill really, really fast. One week she was doing ok, the next, she could hardly lift her head. So in this case, the sad part isn't that my cat is dead, because my cat had a long, relatively happy life (I say “relatively” because I subjected her to living with Dave for three-odd years, which she HATED). What is sadder and way more horrible than death is suffering, and thankfully, my parents did not let her suffer.

HOWEVER. I find it RATHER AMUSING that I have owned TWO cats in my young life and both were put down by my parents BEFORE THEY CALLED TO TELL ME IT WAS EVEN NECESSARY. I am wondering, perhaps, if maybe the appropriate way to inform someone that their pet is going to be DEAD FOREVER is to call and say, “Hey, you know, your cat is really sick and we're on our way to the vet with her and did you want to be there in case she is Called Home to the Big Scratching Post in the sky?” My parents do not do things like this. They kill, then they call. And it's not that I'm angry with them! Far from it! I'm more... amused. Oh, fine, I think it's HILARIOUS that this is their Cat Killing Pattern.

The first time they did it (REST IN PEACE, MISSY THE CAT), I don't even remember knowing that my cat was really really sick. I mean, I was in fifth grade, and I knew she'd been using my parents' bed as her own personal litter box, and I knew that my parents were getting really tired of finding their comforter soaked with cat piss (although my fifth-grade self was not totally sure why doing laundry was such a big fricking deal, since THE WASHING MACHINE DOES ALL THE WORK), but I don't know that I equated cats who go to the bathroom in inappropriate places as Seriously Ill Cats. I think I knew she wasn't 100 percent, but she was relatively young, and I was only ELEVEN or something so I went to a slumber party and came home the next morning to find... just her collar. “Do you want to keep it?” my mom asked me. DO I WANT TO KEEP IT? This is how you're going to tell me YOU HAVE HAD MY CAT MURDERED WITHOUT MY CONSENT? Do I want to keep it INDEED. And then I cried, because I didn't get the chance to say goodbye, which I'm sure my parents were thinking would be less emotionally traumatic. Does a fifth-grader need that kind of emotional pressure? Nah! Better to let her go to a slumber party where she will watch The Amityville Horror for the very first time.

(That movie was terrifying when I was eleven. TERRIFYING.)

Anyway, so my nephew was born and my cat is dead and yet somehow last week I also signed my kid up for preschool. That's a whole different post, though, this preschool business. I am simultaneously thrilled and nervous and bereft. We drive by the school often, and pull into the parking lot to ogle the outdoor playground, and Asher explains to Lucy why she can't play on the playground and he can (“only big kids can play, Lucy, and you're still a baby”), and most of the time, I am genuinely excited for the changes that are coming to our family this fall. Sometimes, I'm worried I will miss him. Which is really depressing if you used to be my cat, because I haven't thought about her this week much at all. AND SHE'S DEAD, not just leaving me for preschool for nine hours a week.

Comments

[HereWeGoAJen]

Emily, you made me laugh really hard and that is difficult with a post about a dead cat.

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

Only you can make cat murder hilarious!

But also - I'm really really sorry about your cat. Even if you haven't lived with her in a while and even if she was old and sick... it's sad to lose a pet.

[Lisa]

Congrats on your new nephew!

When I was 14, my parents lied to me and told me that my pet rabbit died naturally when actually they had put him to sleep. And later the same day my mom sat in the living room (no doors on the bottom floor of our house) and gossiped loudly on the phone with her friend, practically bellowing, "WE HAD TO PUT THE RABBIT TO SLEEP." Why lie to me if you're going to not even try to hide it? So I am right there with you. Except that I recently tried to pawn off my cat on my mom (also due to husband not really loving the cat) but she said no.

[Robin]

Gah! My parents did the exact same thing. I was a bit amused too, but definitely more mad than you sound.

Also, preschool? Awesome, awesome. Micah started last week (they have a short camp program to get used to it before fall) and he loves it.

[Swistle]

This post has left me emotionally bewildered, or perhaps it is the whipped-cream-flavored vodka that has left me emotionally bewildered. Either way, I am sort of laughing and sort of sad and sort of something else (tipsy?).

[Orion]

My parents have done this twice...I think there is a common theme with parents everywhere?
I'm going to at least explain to my kids (when I have some) about why it is happening. Then I'll probably buy them a tortoise, because those animals live hundreds of years. That way their children will have to deal with it.
Wait, neverending cycle? Oh well.

[Melani]

If you're like me, you'll choose to use the preschool hours going to Target and the grocery store with just one child (which now seems so easy) and the time will fly by. It's also really nice for the 2nd child to finally get some true one one one time.

I'm sorry about your cat. Our dog has arthritis that is slowly getting worse and I'm so scared about eventually making that decision--I don't want her to suffer but I also don't want to end her life too soon. What if I can't figure out the right time?

[Petroni]

My parents did exactly the same thing with our dogs when I was growing up. Looking back, I guess I was sort of grateful; I think I would have been filled with so much sadness and dread at the anticipation of the death. I honestly don't know what I'll do when our dog gets old and sick. So I just keep telling myself that it will never happen! Sadie will just live forever!

[Michelle]

When I was in college I got the call from my mom that Patches, my cocker spaniel, was "not doing well." She told me when she called that "Patches isn't doing well, she hasn't been herself for a few days. She won't sit with me on the couch, and she just wants to lay next to the fridge on the floor. She seems to like the humming." This dog NEVER laid on the floor (she slept on our beds and laid on the couch for crying out out!) I asked my mom, "for a few days, like how long" and as I was doing that my mom started calling the dog. Shortly after that I heard a gasp, my mom put the phone down and exclaimed, "Oh MY GOD!Patches is DEAD!"

Ok, so either my mother is the queen of acting and the dog was dead and they had to find a way to break it to me without looking like they had neglected to let me know that she "wasn't doing well" while she was still alive or the dog ACTUALLY DIED in the 30 second phone call that I was having with my mom. Either way... she called way too late.

My dad picked me up from my dorm a few hours later and I went to the vet with them. Seems she died of jaundice. Did no one in the house notice that her eyeballs were YELLOW for days before? Yikes.

RIP Pretty Little Patches

PS all my friends who were conflicted about preschool for their kids have come to LOVE it... Asher will do great!!

[Jessica]

When I was 14 my family moved to Japan for two years. We had to leave my beloved dog behind with my uncle to avoid the dog being quarantined for several months in order to live with us overseas. Once we returned to the states, we set out on a trip to visit my family, and I thought, to get my pet back. However, on the ride there, my parents informed me poor Punky had been attacked by some animal in the woods near my uncle's and he had to put her down! Like, 6 months prior! WTF Mom and Dad?

[Ashley]

My 3 year-old son is starting preschool this fall too, and the only think that's keeping me from having breakdowns every other hour is all the BACK-TO-SCHOOL SHOPPING. I have always loved that part :)

[Ashley]

*thing*

[kristin]

Re: preschool. 9 hours?? You will not miss him. You will only wish preschool were longer.

[Diane]

This must be a parent thing. My mom did the same thing with my childhood cat. She somehow thought that was easier for me to call while we were away visiting friends for the weekend.

Wow, preschool- I'm sure you and Lucy will have lots of fun just the two of you.

[adequatemom]

DUDE. When I was maybe 9 or 10, my cat went missing. I was devastated. A neighbourhood kid told me she'd seen a dead cat that looked like mine in the forest, maybe killed by a bobcat or something. I was extra devastated. It only came out years later that actually, my parents took the cat to the vet and had her put down. Not because she was sick, just because they didn't want to take care of her. AND THEY DIDN'T TELL ME FOR YEARS. And they when they did? They thought it was funny.

I win in the cat-murdering-parents category, I think.

(Also, I can't wait to read your post about preschool!)

[Parsing Nonsense]

Yay for new babies! Always so exciting, isn't it?

My friend's mom just did this to her, too, with the family dog. Her mom asked her if she'd like to know when the time came to put Pepper down, and my friend said she did. A month later, her mom calls and says Pepper took his last visit to the vet.

Why do parents do this?

[SRotten]

My family is totally freakish and keeps VERY IMPORTANT things a secret until after the fact. For example, they thought my stepdad was dying of colon cancer and neglected to mention it until he wasn't dead two years later and they found out he didn't have cancer. Hmmm, thanks for the mental prep time folks! WTF?