Ordinary Tuesday

Asher had his second swim lesson today. It's a group lesson, and I'm allowed in the water with him (not sure he would have done it any other way) and I don't expect it to be a Major Breakthrough in terms of his resistance to getting any part of his face or head wet, but I do think it will help him be somewhat more comfortable in the water, even if that translates to him just being able to hang on to the side all by himself while I pull his sister out of the deep end. Because Lucy thinks she has gills. Gills and A DEATH WISH.

Our instructor is a college-age girl with the personality of a tree stump, but Asher hasn't seemed to notice. Nor has he noticed that out of the four children in the class, he's probably the one who is the most rigid and anxious, which makes me happy. I'm obviously not happy that he's rigid and anxious; I'm happy that he doesn't know that the other kids aren't. I suppose this is because his rigidity and anxiety keep him from noticing anything other than how close I am letting the water get to his FACE, MAMA, HOLD ONTO ME, but I am so glad that we are doing this swimming thing before he gets older and figures out that your weak points can make you a target for ridicule. Before he gets old enough to be embarrassed.

During one exercise, I had to make him jump off the side of the pool while holding both of his hands and I kid you not, this child was so STIFF and FRIGHTENED going into the water that his body was as rigid as a yardstick and when he hit the water, his toes got caught in my swimsuit bottoms and PULLED THEM DOWN TO MY KNEES. I was extra thankful that he was able to hold onto the wall all by himself at that point, you know, while I rearranged my lower half and hid my private lady areas from view.

After swim class, we went to Target. I needed concealer, and I had a coupon. Want to know how I usually feel about coupons? I hate coupons. I hate how small they are, and flimsy, and I hate that clipping them makes me feel guilty if I don't use them and I am still at a loss as to how you are supposed to ORGANIZE coupons so that you know what coupons you are currently in possession of that aren't expired (somehow mine are always expired). I refuse to even get INVOLVED with Internet coupons, but this might be because we don't have a working printer and I can't exactly tote my laptop along and open it up at the register for proof of a discount. So the only coupons I can tolerate are the ones that come in those little Target circulars, because (NO JOKE) they are printed on paper that doesn't shred into little teensy pieces in my purse and because they're actually USEFUL.

Example of Target coupon: “$2 off jumbo size or larger Luvs diapers.”

SEE? See how EASY that is? I go to Target, where I usually buy Luvs diapers (we are never going to graduate from size 3, EVER) and if I remember to give the cashier my coupon, I get $2 off. The end.

Unfortunately, MOST coupons are for rich people. Ok ok, so maybe not RICH people, necessarily, but people who have enough money to buy/rent a place big enough to PUT all this crap.

Example of coupon seen in newspaper circular: “Save $1 when you buy any FOUR (4) Cool Whip Whipped Topping.”

FOUR. FOUR COOL WHIPS. Pray tell, WHERE am I going to put FOUR tubs of Cool Whip if I don't have an extra freezer and the freezer I do have is actually filled with things like FOOD? Frankly, I am appalled at the idea of having to buy FOUR of something just to save a measly dollar. That's a freaking SCAM, you guys. Cool Whip lasts for, like, 18 years or something anyway. Who is using THAT MUCH Cool Whip?

Coupons and places like Costco aren't money savers for us, because we don't have the extra space for bulk items. We don't have an extra freezer for meat, we don't have cupboard space for vats of olive oil or jumbo rolls of paper towels, we don't have room in the bathroom or anywhere else in the house for a 24-pack of toilet paper. OR EVEN A FOUR-PACK OF TOOTHPASTE. However much money it might save us in the long run to shop at these places, it just isn't feasible until we live somewhere with a little more storage space. For pete's sake, I CAN'T EVEN OPEN MY DRYER DOOR ALL THE WAY, because it's wedged up against the HVAC unit. Do you think I have room in my house for a bucket of roasted peanuts and a crate of Frosted Flakes, even if it saves me $13? Unless it becomes fashionable to use the Frosted Flakes as an ottoman and the peanuts as an end table, I have to refrain from shopping anywhere things are sold in large quantities. Which sucks, honestly, because grocery shopping and meal planning is pretty much the Worst Chore Ever and if I could go twice a month instead of every four days I would be a much happier person. I think a person is only granted so much patience to deal with children who fight despite being housed together in a grocery cart very loosely disguised as a fire truck WITH LOLLIPOPS IN THEIR HANDS and I'm afraid mine is about two shopping trips away from running out altogether.

Comments

[RockyCat]

Oh, man, I saw that Cool Whip coupon, too, and I was all, like, "Who DOES that?!"

Much as I have been known to indulge in a little Cool Whip, I'm pretty sure it'd get freezer burnt before I could use it all up.

[duchessbelle]

Yes on the coupons! Living in an apt, my storage areas consist of two cabinets. There's room in my fridge for 2 pieces of chicken, not 12. Those of us without deep freezes would like to save $.50 on a tomato too, please.

[Carla Hinkle]

There is plenty of time for Asher to learn how to swim ... mine have been in swim lessons for YEARS and it was really only after age 4 that my oldest one actually demonstrated an ability to keep her head above water for any length of time.

If he doesn't take to the group lessons ... we have had great luck with a smaller group (max 3 kids), VERY slow, VERY gentle, but VERY consistent style lessons. The kids spend weeks just being pulled, very gently, under water. That is where they start: going under is the very first thing.

Both mine have gone through water-freak out phases but the oldest (at age 6) is now a great swimmer, much better than her friends. Although (warning! annoyance and big expense alert!) we are basically in swim lessons 2X per week, year round. That's the only way it would stick and we could build comfort in the water ...

Not sure if there are any of this type of swim lessons near you but if he is very anxious, it might be something to try ...

[Parsing Nonsense]

You cracked me up with the bit about using peanuts as ottomans and such. I know what you mean, though. We just started shopping at Costco for the diapers, and somehow now my freezer is full of chicken strips, potstickers, and tilapia fillets...To which all I can say is, how did THAT happen?

[Audrey]

Ahhhh - Emily I HAD to comment re: coupons. I'm the same way. I'd like to be a coupon shopper, I'd LOVE to be a coupon shopper but the organizing of them kills me. They do ALWAYS expire. Or I buy the product but forget the coupon, or can't find it because its in a STACK with the others!

However I am a fan of Costco, but since I live alone that generally means I have hummus for breakfast! hummus for lunch! AND hummus for dinner! If I cave and buy things like that there.

[shayla]

Girl, you are CRAZY! :) Some might say I am addicted to coupons and they'd be right. I was in your same boat for years until I decided to get them organized. I keep mine in a notebook (1/2 in size) and put them in the photo pages. I'm a little overboard in that I have a table of contents page as well as dividers. HOWEVER, it is OH SO EASY to find my coupons. I clip them each week and put them in the cooresponding section. About once a month or so I go through and trash the expired ones. It's a pain and I hope that one day we'll be in a situation where I don't have to use them but then again, my addiction would kick in and I'd use them anyway. :) My tip for the day, use them at the grocery store where the double and triple. That is the BEST!

[Christy]

I feel you. The economy size is moving into my dear Target too. My Target does not carry any Cottonelle toilet paper (the only kind I will buy, mostly because it seems to be the only one without an offensive mascot) in less than 18-packs. The 12 packs BARELY fit in my closet! There are only 3 people in my house and I am the only girl...18 rolls is going to last me months.

[ANNIE]

Ugh. COUPONS. I want to be one of those people who's all "I bought $120 worth of groceries for $20!" (seriously - I just read a comment on a blog that said that exact thing) but I just can't. I can't do it, Emily, I can't! Like you, mine are always expired or I leave them at home...but my biggest issue with coupons is that I think I end up spending MORE money and buying MORE things with them than without. When I'm on my game I look through the weekly ads and I'm always all, "oooh that looks good. I'll get this. And that. And those." All things I would never buy otherwise.... Ah well. Every once in a while I remember to use one and it makes me so happy. I'm rationing out the happy, I suppose you could say.

Sorry to hear about the naked in the pool. That's unfortunate.

I'm eager to hear more about Asher's swim lessons. We're taking the boys to the pool this afternoon to inquire about that same thing. Say a prayer.

Off to make your pizza dough. Say another prayer. xo

[HereWeGoAJen]

I hate coupons. The only good ones are for Babies R Us where they give you 20% off whatever.

I shop at Sams sometimes. I buy the enormous packages of frozen chicken, since practically all we eat is chicken, and I buy fruit and dairy stuff there. Elizabeth and I can eat through the fruit and dairy before it goes bad. But I do not, ever (anymore), buy giant packages of staples at Sams. I once bought some chocolate dusted almonds there and I had them for MONTHS.

But our Sams is next door to our Wal-Mart and we like the free samples. Also the $1.50 hot dog/soda combo.

[Tara]

Remember those photo albums you always used to get when you had pictures developed but you never ever used? They make great coupon holders.

[Jen L.]

Thank you, oh thank you for this post. We're in week two of swimming lessons and I literally had to have the teacher pry my son off my head today. MY HEAD. It's nice to know we're not the only ones. Sorry Asher pantsed you, though.

I am a coupon person. I have an official, labeled coupon organizer. I clean it out on Sundays when I add new coupons to it. I'm also do organizational things for a living, so it's just in my blood. Am TOTALLY with you on the buying in bulk thing. Half my linen closet is reserved for extra diapers, big things of wipes and toilet paper. And don't let me fool you--they're all just sort of shoved in wherever there's room!

[karen]

You never fail to crack me up!
Thanks for making me laugh out loud!
(yea, I do know about lol, but I thought it seemed nicer to type it out).
I'd like to see some more wardrobe choices,
you have really good taste!
Thanks again!

[beyond]

as someone who lives in a nyc studio, i totally understand what you mean about coupons. we can only have one roll of toilet paper in the storage cabinet at a time. i need concealer! what did you get and would you recommend it? i haven't bought concealer in a while and have no idea where to even start.

[craftyashley]

I hate coupon people. The ones with massive amounts of coupons that take forever in line- buying four tubs of Cool Whip. I do, however, shop at Warehouse stores. Anything that isn't perishable gets bought in bulk and thrown into the "garage pile of toiletries." It's not a great system when you realize you don't have a single roll of toilet paper in the house because you always think there's another big heap of them in the garage.
But still, I like it. And I buy chicken nuggets in bulk too. So much savings.

[Kerry]

From the two days I actually showed up to a college accounting class (before I dropped it because I remembered, HELLO, I am a math failure), the only thing that I remember is my professor lecturing us on the huge rip-off of bulk stores. For all the stuff you buy and end up not using/ throwing out, the amount of money you actually save is less than or equal to the membership fee you have to pay in the first place. Maybe that was just his experience? Other people seem to rave about them, though, and tell me that if I like Target at all, I will just fall in love with Costco.

[Orion]

I learned how to swim when my uncle and father threw me into the Mediterranean Sea and stated, "nades!" I think it was pretty effective, since I was on the diving team in high school.
I like when a company has a reward program, i.e. Fred Meyer, drugstore.com and eBay.com. Makes rebates much easier.

[Raven]

Right now my Costco bulk items live on the floor of my kitchen behind the table that no one eats at, next to the dog food bin, stacked neatly. The table hides them from view and yet I can still have bulk, save money and use their coupons. If I had to go to the regular grocery store on a regular basis? I might go mental. I HATE grocery shopping. HATE.

I do wish I had an extra freezer though.

[rkmama]

I take my 2 year old to a waterbabies class where I go in with him and it's all about getting the kiddos comfortable with the water. They have a little basketball hoop on the side that you're supposed to lift your child up to so he/she can make a basket. I lifted my son up a little too high and his foot got caught in the top of my suit. Without realizing it I pulled him down and he pulled down my tankini top with him. I think his teacher saw put politely ignored it. I ducked down fast into the water and had to use the poor kid as a privacy curtain while trying to discreetly get his foot out of my cleavage and pull the suit back up. that was pretty awesome.

[glschneider]

We have our five month old with us every time we go to the pool. She gets in with us and splashes herself in the face. I also carry her into the shower with me occasionally and she gets a little spray in the face that way too. We want to get her comfortable but respectful of the water (that is the goal anyway) because I was not introduced to swimming till I was much older and I still suck at swimming-I have to hold my nose to go underwater.

Also, those buy five and get one penny off coupons? Bullshit. And they are rarely for anything healthy or good for you.

[Stacie]

I miss you! MA loves the water always has and has never been scared. Lily loved the water last summer when she was 1. She was jumping off the side, going under all the way, etc.... We thought we were going to have two big swimmer girls. This summer she loves going to the pool only if she has a strong death grip on Pat or I the entire time. She even freaks out if we put her in a floaties and try to let float on her own while standing right next to her. Annoying. I won't do a mommy and me swim class. I just have a thing about mommy and me classes, I want my kids to do it on their own without being dependent on my. I didn't start MA in swim classes until she was old enough to do it w/o me. Which around here is 3. So I will do the same with Lily. Hopefully next summer she will won't so scared. I'll say "Lily you want to go to the pool?" and she's all excited and saying "Yay swimming! Yay swimming in the pool!" then we get there and she only wants to get in the water with someone holding her and she doesn't want her face or hair splashed.

As for couponing, I just really got into doing it this summer. I keep the coupon flyers from the paper organized in a file folder by date. I pull them from the flyers from the paper and write the date on the front page and file them under Smart Source, Red Plum or P&G. I don't actually clip any coupons. I just check southernsavers.com after I've made my grocery list and check whatever store I'm going to shop at (Publix, Target, Kroger etc...) and it will tell me what items at the store are on sale and if there is a coupon for it. Then I pull out the Smart Source or Red Plum or P&G coupon flyer from my file folder and clip it before I go. That way I'm not just clipping coupons and losing them. Then I put my list for that store and coupons in one of those small wipes cases that come in like every box of wipes you buy and go to the store. It seems to be working out great. I've also been learning the CVS thing. I NEVER shopped at drug stores before, but if you can figure out CVS's extra care bucks system you will pay very little for many household and personal care products. I had to take an expert CVSer with me the first time to help me understand it all.

[-R-]

My brother-in-law has called us SIX times- no exaggeration- to ask us if we want a quarter side of beef. Where the hell would we put a quarter side of beef? Plus, we are two adults and a toddler. It would take us two years to eat that much meat. But my brother-in-law cannot understand this, so he keeps calling us every few days to see if we've changed our minds.

[Lar]

I never remember to bring my coupons to the store, which drives me nuts but apparently not so nuts that I actually remember them the NEXT time.

Here's a tip that has helped me save a lot on groceries (and I know you said you hate meal planning BUT): I used to go to the grocery store almost daily. It was across the street from my daughter's school, and I'd run in to get one or two things and INVARIABLY I'd spend no less than $30. Plus, I'd do a major trip once a week. Our food costs were ridiculous!

Now, I go to the store once a week, period. I plan our meals and make a list, and that's it, no more trips until the next week. We're out of bread? Eat your peanut butter on a cracker. No beef or chicken for dinner? We'll have eggs. It's made my life SO MUCH easier and saved us a bunch of money, too.

[adequatemom]

I freakin HATE Meal Planning and Grocery Shopping. It is one of my absolute least favourite chores! HATE AND DESPISE. Coupons would NOT improve the situation.

[Pippi]

I don't do coupons. They're not a big thing here in Canada anyway and I shop at all the little places by my house that are cheaper anyway. It seems like when there's a sale on at Safeway anyway it's always on something I don't buy. Celery never goes on sale. Neither does plain yogurt. So I stick to meal planning and eating lots of beans to control the grocery budget. We never buy bulk either -- like you there's no place to put it.

[emmysuh]

"Who is using THAT MUCH Cool Whip?" that was my first thought. What are you, preparing for a pie in the face contest?!

I love how this went quickly from We're Working on Swimming to GROCERY SHOPPING SUCKS. Because...it does. Never ever go hungry, I always end up coming home with 45 snacks and no meal stuff.