Honey Maid over Nabisco, ALL THE WAY

When Lucy suddenly started sleeping through the night about a month ago (for those of you following along at home, that means she was 16 months old, or nearly TWO back-to-back PREGNANCIES, if you happen to be crazy enough to attempt such a thing), it was interesting how quickly we upped her status to Favorite Child.

I mean, you guys know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't get all “I love my children equally and apparently way more than you love yours, you craptastic excuse for a mother” on me. It is not a crime to enjoy one phase of a child's life more than another. Some people are better with teenagers, some people are thrilled by toddlerhood, and EVERYONE is better with newborns than I am. Lucy is in a pretty awesome stage right now: she is learning new things, she is sweet and charming, and whenever she throws a tantrum, I can just pick her up and distract her with candy. (Oh SHUT UP, candy doesn't make me a craptastic mother, either.) Did I mention the part about how she finally sleeps through the night? DID I? BECAUSE SHE FINALLY DOES.

On the other hand. THE THREE-YEAR OLD.

Everything is a fight. Everything is an argument. And every fight and argument is augmented with foot stomping and I DON'T WANT TO's and sometimes even KICKING, in my general direction. Good attention or bad attention – he just wants ATTENTION, ALL THE TIME. He wants to control everything from who helps him pull up his pants after he pees to which car door he climbs in to the temperature of the bathwater. He takes toys away from his sister, he demands things instead of asking politely, he does not fall for my ploy of putting “special cheese” on the lasagna I make. What is so offensive about lasagna, may I ask? Meat and cheese and noodles? I'm sorry, but the kid must be missing a chromosome or two somewhere.

I know this is standard behavior for the three-year-old set. I knew we'd eventually get to the point where I'd seriously consider trading him in for a new bundt pan or something, but I didn't know the days would be endlessly draining. I figured there would be moments of objectionable attitude; not WEEKS that are quickly turning into MONTHS. I never even really thought much about preschool until a few weeks ago, when I collapsed onto the couch for the 15th night in a row, beaten to a pulp by his willful declarations to do exactly the opposite of whatever I asked of him, and realized that preschool means that someone else could be dealing with this crap for 10ish hours a week. I had visions of skipping off with Lucy to a flowering field where we could make daisy chains and play tea party without someone driving a battery-powered train through it and demanding we choose which pretend car we might want to ride in.

Oh, I know, it's not just that preschool would give me a break from my kid. A few months ago, I wouldn't have even seen it as a possibility for Asher, but he has grown up so much in those few months. All the hardheadedness and desire for control is a GOOD thing for this boy who has been so passive and mildly anxious about certain things. He is still really attached to me and hesitant in new settings but if his progress continues at the current rate, I see no reason why he wouldn't do fantastic in a preschool setting in the fall. Except you have to PAY FOR PRESCHOOL, which: SUCK, because staying home with me is free AND I have a good excuse to do fun things like ride miniature trains and eat popsicles and see how far I can make it across the monkey bars (TWO BARS, that's my record).

And here's the other thing about preschool: as much as I think it would be awesome to have one-on-one time with Lucy, I'm also kind of terrified of the idea. How did I ever manage with just ONE CHILD? They get on each other's nerves and take each other's toys and yes, it drives me BONKERS most days but they also keep each other entertained and HOW do you entertain a baby without an older child around to help? I DON'T REMEMBER. I always thought I'd put Asher in preschool and spend that chunk of time with Lucy in the jogging stroller, getting my exercise out of the way and maybe stopping incrementally to point out baby ducks and tadpoles in the lake and maybe a moment or two on the playground swings. But Lucy's NEVER been in the jogging stroller by herself and I think she would HATE IT because no one is there to laugh at her when she shoves too many pretzels in her mouth and blows raspberries. (I don't laugh at this as often as Asher does. He thinks it's hilarious; I am the one cleaning spittle and half-chewed pretzels out of the seat of the stroller when we get home.)

How do you go back to having one child when you've been dealing with two? I don't remember what I used to DO with just one kid! I do remember that I complained about it a decent amount, obviously having no idea what kind of amplified chaos occurs when you add another one to the mix. When I think about it now, I am absolutely HORRIFIED and EMBARRASSED about how hard I thought things were sometimes when Asher was a baby. And then I didn't sleep for like, what, two years? And yeah, that was way worse. WAY WORSE.

So were your kids happy or distressed when their older siblings went to school? And what kinds of things did you do with that chunk of time they were gone? Besides weep with joy, I mean. And the hoarding of the graham crackers. ALL THE GRAHAM CRACKERS WILL BE MINE! MIIIIIINE, I SAY!

Comments

[obabe]

OMG those chunky thighs!!!

its really...quiet. im home with the baby (20 months, ha!) saturday mornings while the 4 + 6 yr old are with dad at synoguage, (i cant spell that word!) and its so relaxing. we just sit and do whatever, whenever (and then both get a nap) theres no one stealing toys, no worries about too small pieces, and no one cares if a train track gets ripped up. saturday mornings are AWESOME. :-)

[Hannah]

There is this book called "Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy" and the recurring piece of advice for dealing w/a three year old is to have someone else watch them (preschool, babysitter, kid you find on the street, WHATEVER) as much as possible. I though that was a little silly until Nathan hit three. Now I get it.

We're starting him in the fall and I think I'm just going to get a single jogging stroller and run a lot with the baby when he's in school? I don't know. I figure grocery shopping with one will be easier. In January the baby will start Mommy and Me (same day, same school as Nathan) one day a week so that'll take care of that.

[Stacey]

I don't know about this from a parenting experience because I only have one and now I'm scared for him to turn three (thank you!). :)

I do know about it because I remember when my older brother went to school because I loved him that much and I waited at the window the whole time for him to get home!

[Parsing Nonsense]

I only have the one squishy baby at the moment, so I can't speak to having two.

What I can do is congratulate you on getting sleep! Woo hoo!

[shayla]

Preschool is FABULOUS!!! You will love it and wonder why you didn't do it sooner for many reasons. 1. A will come to love it and make new friends and love his newfound freedom. 2. You can actually do what you want to do with your time even with baby in tow. 3. A will love it! 4. L will be even easier than she is now. My older girls are only 18 months apart and when they have time apart, each are SO much better during and after. I do hear 'let's go pick up M now' but really, it's all worth it, the money, anquish, scheduling. ALL WORTH IT, I tell you! :)

[Charlotte]

There are some pros with pre-school but 1 major con is him getting sick OFTEN and spreading it to the rest of you! That seems to be the major downfall with my friends whose kids are in daycare/pre-school.Just had my third baby and have been contemplating pre-school for the first time as well. My 4 yr old and 2 yr old have never been such stinkers as they are now that my attention is elsewhere. Good luck!

[VHMPrincess]

all of our younger siblings LOVED morning dropoff of the older one -they got to run in the room and play for like 5 minutes w/the big kids then ALONE TIME w/mommy! Come on, what's not to like?! Also, second/third children know how to play better independently than 1st children, generally, sow when you come home, she probably isn't expecting every second of your attention and will probably ENJOY playing with his toys when he's not there to stop her!
And my kids all LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED preschool.

[rkmama]

Here's the thing about preschool. Your child will be an angel there and you will try to tell the teachers that he is a total a-hole at home but they won't believe you because preschool MAGICKS your child and makes you look like a liar.
We put my daughter in a 2 day a week program when she was three and a 3 day a week program at 4 and I've LOVED the one-on-one with my son. The first week or so we just kind of stared at one another for the first hour or so but we rallied and I've so enjoyed getting to know him without the influence of his older sister around. You will love it- It's only mildly scary at first!

[halloweenlover]

Oh man, I love preschool. The only part I don't like about preschool is when they have a less than stellar thing to say about my child, who is a pain with me but is PERFECT AND WONDERFUL AND AN AMAZING SPECIMEN OF A CHILD if anyone else is talking about him. Ahem.

I generally go grocery shopping with Josie, run errands that are difficult to do with two, laundry, etc. but I totally agree if you stay home with her, Josie at least is whiny and demanding of attention because she is bored. I find that shockingly, the time goes by super quickly and by the time I look up, it is time to pick Gabe up.

Oooh also, I cultivate friends for Josie because that poor child is FRIENDLESS. Oh sure, she has her brother and her brother's friends, but no friends for herself, so I have found 1-2 friends for her and we do playdates with them and it is hilarious to see them interacting without their siblings. Josie will snatch toys away from other babies and then look around to see what is going to happen. Hee! Definitely find another mom who has a baby the same age, if you don't already. Super fun!

[Beth Fish]

I think when Mia started school last year, I mostly just reveled in having 7 hours a week where nobody was criticizing my every action. And Owen was seven months old, so we nursed and then he slept and then we played a little peekaboo and then it was time to go for pick-up. Now, I do all my errands while Mia is at school, because Target with only one whining child? Pure bliss.

[Elsha]

I remember when Kalena was a baby and I used to think life was SO HARD and I NEVER wanted my husband to leave me alone at home with the baby. Now I take every opportunity he offers to take Kalena and leave me home with Will. Who knew I would every think of being at home alone with a 4 month old as relaxing? He doesn't need much entertaining yet though, so that makes things easier.

[Steph]

Cutest. Picture. Ever. That is all!

[nonsoccermom]

I can almost guarantee that you're better with newborns than I am.

I work full-time, but we're coming up on summer when my older kid (7) spends chunks of time at his out-of-town grandparents' homes. And lo, it is GLORIOUS to be down to the toddler. She goes to bed early! She doesn't ask to play Wii 2237465438367 times a day! She quietly plays dollhouse instead of running all over the house pretending to play indoor sports! I can't wait!

Oh, we were talking about you. Ahem. I say just roll with it - I bet the logistics of parenting one kid will come back to you quicker than you think!!

[Melissa]

If he's only going half days, you'll be amazed at how quickly that time passes. You'll feel like you only just got home from dropping him off before you're off again to pick him up. Just enough time to run errands or exercise. I'm sure Lucy will love the one-on-one time.

[Maggie]

Same thoughts! Same thoughts! Same thoughts! AAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

[Heather]

My son started preschool last fall and he loves it. LOVES IT. I get two mornings a week to sit with my now 1 year old and play, talk, clean, rest - whatever I want to do. B goes to school tues/thur from 9am to 12pm. Next fall he is going mon/wed/fri. It's so easy to spend one on one time with one child, and the time goes by so quickly. And best of all it was so good for my son to get out of my company and spend time with another adult, doing activities in a group setting. He begs to go to preschool now, hopefully not because it is too boring here. But really, if you feel good about sending him, do it! Good luck!

[Carla Hinkle]

Think: Grocery shopping with only one child! Working out with only one child! Playdates with only one child!!! Mommy & Me stuff with only one child!!! The possibilities are endless...and generally, super, super peaceful.

[C @ Kid Things]

I know you asked questions somewhere along the way but I can't think straight because THAT PICTURE IS KILLING ME WITH THE CUTE.

Although one child, my god, it all seems like such a piece of delicious cake in retrospect.

[ANNIE]

Two things: 1 - I LOVE that picture! And 2 - I am so right there with you on this whole Three is Killing Me and One is Adorable thing. You described Chris and Jake PERFECTLY. For a while I felt guilty about liking Jake's company so much more than Chris'. Jake has the sweetest disposition and when you take that sweetness and put it up against The Tyrant it just makes him look that much sweeter. I've found that time away from each other (me & C) really does work wonders for both of us. He's not in preschool now and I don't know that we'll send him next year. BUT when he does start school...whenever that is, I'm really looking forward to the one-on-one time I'll have with Jake...well, at least during Nate's naptime!

[mandy]

I didn't realize it was so difficult these days, I am so sorry. I must not have been paying close attention. I mostly pay attention to the pictures. :) Her chuky thighs!!!!
Mine are 14 months apart and BEST friends, so I totally get what you are talking about. I had my older one in preschool for two seasons, it was great for her at the time and awful for the younger because he had no clue how to just be, on his own and I had no clue what on earth to do with him. But ours are switched, and you have a girl..and I have since pulled my girl out of preschool to keep her home. She is 4 now, kids for some reason were mean to her-she is passive in social environments (sooo not at home) and the expense was too much at the time and my kids love each other and have so much fun together.

You know, I now babysit several kids each day and my own occupy themselves so much together that is the only reason I am even able to do it, they are so low maintainance because they have each other. They pretend and play well together (mostly) all day.

I am rambling I am sorry. I think it would be great for you to get a break from him in this way. Also, possibly get some guidance from his pediatrician-a friend is having her young son tested for allergies and some other issues due to his tantrums which often lead to kicking and thrashing (in her direction also). I have to recommend a awesome book I read which saved my own home- Shepherding a child's heart

By far, the most effective instruction on how to deal with my young children..truly from the inside out. They are totally different children, I am a different mother because of it!

:)

[chiquita]

Well, I only have one so I don't know any different way to do it. Blessedly my 2 year old will sometimes play for a few minutes unattended. But this is why the nap is a blessing, to get a break. Often we watch videos on the computer of places we have been, we draw, read books, go to the playground. Yes, it gets tedious. But it makes the time go by. Lately she loves to pull things out of the kitchen drawers and play by herself on the countertop (standing with a stepladder) while I cook.

[chatty cricket]

Preschool. The best thing to happen to our family since we got these kids in the first place.

We're not early preschoolers. Which is to say, the kids go to their two years of preschool, turn old enough for kindergarten and off they go (well, Lady will be heading off anyway this Fall and I'm a basket case about it so let's not talk about anything like KINDERGARTEN yet, ok?). So in our town, most preschools draw their cutoff at 2.9 years by the first day of school. OUR little Co-Op cuts off at 3 years old by September 1st, because that guarantees your child will make the Kindergarten cutoff if you choose to let your child continue on to Kindergarten when they turn 5.

So, that means Lady was happily home with me until she was 3 years and 3 months (June Birthday), and then she started Preschool. And by "home with me" I ACTUALLY MEAN home with me. Not in a toddler program, not booked solid in classes and activities. Home. With me. We did one or two things like a music class or swimming lessons, but that was it. I just didn't see the need to have my 2 year old booked all day.

Mister turned three years in December and he'll start at Lady's preschool this Fall. So, he'll be a little older than three and a half. And he's had the same deal as Lady: Home With Me.

Because of where Sweet B's birthday falls (mid September) he will be FOUR when he starts Preschool and until then? You guessed it: Home With Me.

Having said all this? By the time my kids head off to preschool it seems like they are SO READY. So ready to have their own thing going on, outside of the house for a couple of days a week. Their own friends. Teachers whom they adore and LISTEN TO (I keep asking how they do that, the teachers, get Lady to "listen" and "do things when I ask"). And Lady has LOVED school. And Mister is BEYOND excited to go to school in the Fall.

As far as then going back to having just the little one? It's divine. It's PEACEFUL. Dude, I'm not afraid to admit that my FAVORITE AGE EVER is around 15 to 19 months, and OH BUT I LOVE THAT TIME ALONE with my BEBE. Mister cried the day Lady left for school for the first time. He was 1 and a half, and Sweet B was a minute old, and as she skipped out the door on the way to her new adventure he stood waving after her with BIG TEARS streaming down his little face. And then he realized he got me all to himself and he got over it. FAST.

[chatty cricket]

Also: Three Years Old. It's maddening. They outgrow it and grow into NEW annoyances, but nothing I've experienced so far comes CLOSE to the pain in the ass that is dealing with an irrational three year old.

OHMAGAH.

So with you here, Sister.

[Carol]

I remember when Heather went to 4 year old kindergarden. When the bus picked her up, Michael had a screeming fit out on the walkway and wouldn't come in. The neighbor came over to see if everything was allright. Then, when I got him inside, he was so mad that he got in the basket that we kept wood in and closed the lid and continued with his fit. It did end up being a good time though. Sherry Oliverez and I would go roller skating and Michael and Manny would play and he would go over to Manny's and they would watch frosty the snowman gillions of times. Then when he was finally in preschool, I actually had time for devotions and I went to arobics. It was pretty great and then we went into the mission training. I did have that one good year. I think you will enjoy the time with Lucy and it will be really good for Asher. Heather's Maya loves "school" and it is really good for her. Aunt C

[beyond]

those thighs! too cute! also: asher has a car bed and dinosaur curtains? awesome!
(no children here, so i will spare you the hypothetical advice...)