THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT POTTY TRAINING. You're welcome.

You know what's depressing? Spending money on your house. Which, I know, right? It's nothing new: No one likes to replace the roof or the heating system or the drywall on the ceiling in the kitchen because someone's husband may or may not have been experimenting with completely replacing the plumbing fixtures in the master bathroom. But you know what's EIGHTY-FIVE BILLION TIMES more depressing? Spending money on your house for the very specific purpose of making it beautiful and livable for the NEXT PEOPLE WHO WILL LIVE IN IT.

Here's the thing: We want out of this house. We've outgrown it. Having three bedrooms is wonderful and perfect; having two and a half baths is utterly fantastic as well. But the rest of the living area is not meeting our needs. We do not have a workspace (unless you count the miniature desk we have shoved up against our bed). We don't have a playroom (unless you count the living-slash-family room, which affords the kids a four-by-four foot square area where Asher's elaborate train displays can be quickly and effectively demolished by one exaggerated sweep of Lucy's arm). We don't have a backyard (unless you count the muddy swath of common area beyond our deck). But we can't get into a BETTER house unless we can sell this house for more than what someone would pay for it right now. It needs upgraded bathrooms, new floors, a whole new kitchen. We can't expect it to draw a bidding war (or any bids worth anything at ALL, frankly) with cabinets from 1978 and gouged out Formica countertops and matted-down builder-grade wall-to-wall carpeting.

So we update it. We update it with tile and new bathtubs and hardwood floors and THEN WE WILL SELL IT. Talk about ripping your heart out! Because for all my hard work – all my poring over design websites and image galleries and for Pete's sake I DOWNLOADED THE IKEA KITCHEN PLANNER AND THOSE ARE HOURS OF MY LIFE I'LL NEVER GET BACK - and it's going to belong to someone else. That's the plan, anyway. If I could dig us a basement, I would, but I have heard that at best, it's frowned upon, and at worst, IT'S ILLEGAL. Without a permit, anyway, and I have heard of very few permits being granted for Digging One's Own Basement Underneath an Existing Structure. Not that I have checked, admittedly. But I assume.

Dave and I had this interesting discussion a couple days ago about what we want our next house to look like. I was under the impression that we both felt like we needed to get into a single-family home as soon as possible. I don't know why I thought HE would think that, but I felt like that was the only road we could possibly head down because I would obviously be shortchanging my children if they didn't have their Own Personal Backyard, complete with enormous play structure and various sandbox-ish accoutrements. After our talk, I realize it's less important than I thought (especially if we stay in our current community, where parks and fields and tot lots abound), but it still got the gears turning in my head. Of all the things we COULD go after in a new house, I think the things I want most are room for a separate playroom and more adult-ish living room, a bigger kitchen, and maybe some of the same upgrades we're making to our own house (hardwood floors, updated bathrooms). After living in this very tiny home for almost seven years, just that little bit of extra space seems like it will be SO LUXURIOUS. You mean I might not have to move 85 trains, 612 books, a doll stroller, a MagnaDoodle, two boxes of DVDs and a barn every time I want to sit down on the couch and watch television? ARE YOU FOR REAL?

What I wonder is, how long will we be satisfied with that amount of space after we move? How long before we start wanting more? Bigger? Better? Will I suddenly turn into the kind of person who needs a formal living room for all of her entertaining needs? Will I want a formal dining room? Is Dave going to say the four most offensive words in the English language? (“Where's my Man Cave?”) (COLLECTIVE SHUDDER)

I guess I started thinking about this mostly because of that little entitlement conversation we had last week. I admit, I do feel the pressure to own a single-family home, even though realistically, we don't need one. There's a little nag in my head that says grown-ups live in single-family homes. Kids are happier in single-family homes. That townhouses are starter homes, not long-term dwellings. I feel ENTITLED to a home. I don't necessarily have an entitlement attitude, I guess – I'm not throwing tantrums or stomping my feet or going into serious amounts of debt because I must have things that I can't afford, but I feel like I'm old enough and responsible enough to deserve a house, dammit. I'm not acting on that feeling because I know I can't (not RESPONSIBLY, anyway). But I sure do feel like it's OWED to me. I AM A GOOD PERSON, after all.

Anyway, I'm just curious. Those of you who own your own homes: Are you on your first house? Your second? Was your first house your dream house or were you just settling until you could move? If you're planning to move, are you planning to BUY your dream house? Or are you just kind of working your way up the ladder?

I ask this because I seem to be in the business of assuming everyone else does things like I would, if I lived in my Ideal World. I think we're going to be working our way up the housing ladder, little by little. I always assumed we would be the kind of people who moved from our Starter Home into the house Where Our Children Grow Up, but I don't think we're going to be those people after all. What about you?

Comments

[VHMPrincess]

ah, moving. Have you ever done it with kids? We aren't in our dream home, but we are in a home big enough to suffice thru their teens because I AM NOT MOVING ALL THIS CRAP AGAIN! I have never (not in 3 pregnancies and 3 newborn stages) been as tired as when I moved! I say - go big and get the moving done with. Remodeling is EASY compared to moving. This is our third house - we had a tiny town house in the Broadlands, a decent house in Leesburg and now a bigger house in Dulles because I'm not doing it again at least until my 2 sons are old enough to move all the stuff for me and my daughter can put it all away! I say, go for as big as you can safely handle, you don't want to have to do all this again (and it's expensive, all the paperwork and moving) in 2 or 3 more years!

[Jen]

We're still living in the first home we bought five years later. We never intended for it to be a "five year home," as a lot of people plan for their first house to be. We've made the updates it needed - kitchen and bathrooms - but we chose things that we would love and that would also benefit us if we want to sell down the line.

This house is not our dream house, but it's in a perfect location, and I think if we decided that we wanted to stay here, we could make it our dream house by adding more space. I can see us moving someday and I could also see us deciding to stay here. It's nice to have the option of going either way at this point.

Good luck with your search! I look forward to reading about your adventures at open houses...we once went to a house where Oriental rugs covered EVERY surface - windows, walls, doors...you name it, it had an Oriental rug hanging on it. WEIRD.

[Elizabeth]

We're in the same boat, space-wise. Bedrooms and bathrooms are completely functional but the kitchen needs updating. And we *could* stay here, but I am also tired of moving stuff so I can relax at night and having my living room cluttered with toys. The idea of a playroom (that's out of sight somewhat and can stay somewhat messy) and an adult space is so appealing!

Our problem is that I refuse to live in suburban sprawl and all the neighborhoods we want to live in are crazy expensive. I suspect it'll be multiple houses before we get to the permanent one, which means multiple moves. ERGH.

[Linda]

We will have to move eventually and I worry about that a lot. Change paralyzes me, not to mention the updates to the house and the clutter clearing and keeping it clean for showings and DEALING WITH REJECTIONS. And then agonizing over which house we should buy and which things are dealbreakers and which we can adjust to and then OMG THE PACKING and the actual MOVING and then the UNPACKING. All the while dealing with our kids and each other and our jobs and LIVES. I need a drink.

When we moved here, we did not plan on 1. Having 3 children in 3 years and 2. The housing market tanking. We have plenty of room - 2100 sq feet, a finished basement + huge storage area, 2 full baths, big main floor kitchen/dining/living area - but it won't work forever. Right now we only have 2 bedrooms upstairs and then a main floor office that can't really be used for a bedroom because there's no closet and it has the slider to our deck on one side. So our girls are fine all together in the master bedroom right now, but it won't be okay when they're 12 and 9, for example.

If I could just rearrange our space, I would stay. I would give us a bigger backyard that we can fence and I would eke out another bedroom. Otherwise, I like living in the city. I like our sidewalks, the proximity to parks and entertainment, the wide variety of people, the hustle and bustle of a mid-sized city.

If I could dream, I would buy a duplex with a like-minded family. You get community and support but with your own space (necessary for an introvert). Even better, I'd buy 2 duplexes with 3 like-minded families. I see community meals, shared childcare, shared expenses like a lawn mower and snow blower, etc.

[Aunt Becky]

I live in my own home and I am happy with it. We have a backyard and dogs and a swing set and having moved from a condo with an association (poorly run, OF COURSE) and having to pay those stupid fees, man, it's awesome. BUT, there's no one to call when there's a beehive in my backyard and I have to shovel the snow. THE NERVE.

But getting ready to sell. GAH. My heart hurts for you. Also, my wallet.

[Kate]

My husband and I go back and forth on this one. Our current townhouse (which I purchased and lived in with roommates before we met) sounds a lot like yours. While it's adequate at the moment I'm sure I won't feel that way when baby number 2 comes along in about two years. Add to that the fact that we plan on having a baby number 3 (and possibly 4) and we will have to move at some point.

My husband has this fantasy of a huge house on a couple acres but unless we win the lottery (which we don't play) that's not going to happen. We've pretty much settled on buying a larger townhouse because I don't want a huge house to clean or a huge yard to take care of. I really do feel like as long as we have enough bedrooms, some sort of library/study, and at least two living areas (so that one can be the playroom) I'll be fine.

The other alternative is that his parents really want to sell us their house in a couple years when his dad retires. The house would work space wise but we can't possible afford it unless they gift us the third of the house which would (theoretically) be his inheritance someday. I haven't (and never will) suggest to my in-laws that they gift us part of the house; it was just what I came up with when crunching the numbers to make the point to my husband how out of our price range the house is.

[Danell]

We're on our FOURTH house. Each previous house was intended to be temporary, with the expectation that the next house would be our FINAL house...but something always came up.
Our first house was a wee little thing we got before we were even married. We were going to live there until we were married and stable and then move back home. Then there was job loss and we ended up moving back home to job hunt.
Our second house was ALSO a wee little thing, because you can't afford much when you don't have a JOB. So that was ALSO going to be temporary until we were more stable (we did manage to at least get married). Then my husband was offered a huge promotion to move to another state for a few years.
Our third house was definitely temporary because we weren't going to stay in THAT state any longer than necessary. Five years and two kids later...
We bought our FOURTH house when we got to move back home. We've been here less than a year, and although it's HUGE compared to what we've had before, I already catch myself thinking that more room here and more room there would be nice...but we're NOT moving again for a real REAL long time. I'm wit VHMPrincess, go as big as you can-I didn't think I needed a formal dining room, but it turns out they make good playrooms!

[Tina]

We did it backwards--we lived in a large house when we had 1 child (but my husband was driving an hour each way to work), so we moved closer to his office but could only afford a small 3 BR/1 Bath ranch...and we moved when pregnant with #2. (Try moving from 2000 SqFt to just over 1000 with a 2 year old, wow was that intersting. We got rid of LOTS.) And now we have Boy #3. It's SO tiny but has a huge fenced-in yard, which is a big blessing. (Kids are outside right now, I don't have to sit and watch them, they get to play & run around and get rid of energy!) I would love to move but the money isn't there. And I'd love to fix up the house--for us to enjoy now as well as for future selling, but again, the money isn't there. (We're thinking about renting this place down the road, we'd get more money from that then from selling, just a thought for you.)

When we move (and Lord willing, we WILL move, I can't imagine staying in this tiny house), it will be for good, I will NOT move again. And I have very specific ideas. We moved to the last two houses because of location, and that'll be a factor as well but I'm going to be VERY picky about a large yard and the layout of the house (yes to basement or large family room + a study or office, master bath is MUST, I've potty traied 2 boys with 1 bathroom and I'd like my own please). So there is my essay answer to that.

[She Likes Purple]

We bought our first house nearly a year ago (in June of 2009) and it was actually a bit of a downsize from the last rental house we lived in. It's small(ish) but we fell in love. We sacrificed a few things and almost guaranteed if we ever have another kid, we'll have to stick him/her in some closet, but we love it. No, we LOVE IT IN ALL CAPS.

I think no matter how much money one has (up to a point), most people will always want a *little* more or will always spend a *little* outside of their means. Same goes for space, most people will always want a little more. Not to say these wants aren't sometimes super legitimate and, even, damn necessary, but I think you can be happy in most spaces and with most incomes if you figure out how to make the most of it. We won't be moving soon and in order to continue loving our house, that means getting really creative and utilizing every square inch but that's also kind of fantastic and fun too, you know? In a way? Or, at least this is what I tell myself so I don't hate all those mansion dwellers who live just down the road. Damn them.

[rkmama]

We bought a suburban townhome as a transition from hip city-dwellers to full fledged home-owning parents. Only it's been 5 years and we're stuck here because we bought this place at the top of the ridiculous market inflation and we'll never get what we have left on our mortgage let alone the full price we paid for it.
In that 5 years we have accumulated 2 kids, 2 cats, a dog and enough brightly colored plastic toys to sink the fricken titanic in a townhome clearly intended for a newlywed couple on a 5 year plan wait plan for kids.
We? Are screwed. But our plan is still to wait for some semblance of our Dream House because moving is for the birds. I hate it and I want to just be content in our next home, instead of having that nagging feeling that this just isn't where we belong.
And I SO understand your feeling of "deserving a house". We've done everything right but now because of some slimey mortgage companies and dishonest banks we're stuck in a place that, well, it just doesn't feel like home.
Good luck!

[A'Dell]

Obvs my story is unfolding in a frillion installments now that I'm finally moved, but we purposefully bought MORE house than we needed with the intention of having room to grow.

What I figured out is that moving is expensive. (No shit, huh?) There is a lot of cost involved with selling a house (just call it 6%) plus loan origination fees, lawyer fees, movers, boxes, etc. IT ADDS UP. To make an interim move would have cost us the same basic fees, twice in a 5 year period.

Plus there are all the things you want to change in a new house that cost money...And there's no guarantee you'll get it BACK when you sell. And we didn't want to go through an unnecessary round of that.

[Dr. Maureen]

Andrew and I talk about this incessantly, because the time will come when SOMETHING will have to be done, as we only have two bedrooms and in 6-8 years, it will become inappropriate for Jack and Nora to share. But we have a few options (well, we HOPE we have these options): 1) Sell the house and move. 2) Move, but keep this house and rent both apartments. 3) Keep this house but take over the downstairs apartment. 4) Hire an architect to turn the attic into some sort of master suite or bedroom/playroom or SOMETHING.

The problems associated with these "options": 1) We have no idea how much money our house is currently worth, but a very nice 2-family in our neighborhood was just put on the market for significantly less than what we still owe on this one. Sob. 2) Unlikely that we will be able to charge enough rent to cover the mortgage and also there are legal issues with renting if you don't live there and also also if something goes wrong with this house we'd have to DRIVE to it to fix it and gaaaahhhh. 3) Our mortgage would be quite something to pay without the rent money to offset some of it. Also, this is clearly a 2-family house, so it would be weird to live in both apartments. We'd have 2 kitchens, for example. And the don't connect right. We'd sure have enough space, though. 4) This is a good possibility, actually, depending on what the market is like when the time comes. Also how much money we have.

But Andrew and I will talk and talk and talk and talk about what we would do and how we would do it and where would we put things and so on and so on, and the reality is that we can't make the decision until we know what the market is like when the time comes for us to make a change. For now, we will make do with what we have.

But in my ideal world, we will move into a detached single family home with an upstairs and a playroom and two offices. Or at least ONE office with a door. On a quiet street but within walking distance of the library and the grocery store.

In Andrew's ideal world, we will build our new home and it will be state-of-the-art in green technology but also have all the charm of a 1860s Victorian in terms of fixtures and moldings and what have you. I'm pretty sure that we will never have enough money to fund Andrew's dream.

[samantha jo campen]

I don't know if this helps but I'll chime in anyway:

I'm going to be 31 next month (OMG) and we've never owned anything. Been married for 7.5 years and we have a 2 year old son. Up until August we lived in a two bedroom, 2 bath 1200 SF apartment. It wasn't bad. We knew as far as apartments go we had it good.

Now we are renting a single family 3 BR 1 BA house with a laundry room, backyard and one car garage. It feels so LUXURIOUS. This house is perfect for us right now. We would never buy it as we'd outgrow it in a day (ONE BATHROOM!) and would just have to sink tons of money into it to meet our needs. But for now we love the neighborhood and backyard.

I sadly never felt like a grown up living in our apartment and that's sad. We had a super sweet upgraded apartment with more space and a better kitchen than a lot of our friends in homes. But it was an APARTMENT. tsk tsk tsk.

We can't afford to buy anything. The economy got us good and I honestly don't know when we'll be able to buy something. But now that we're living in this house, I want one of my own. And I don't ask for much, honest. We've never desired to have a 4500 SF McMansion with two feet of yard but a 4 car garage. BLECH. Just something we can make our own.

So I know how you feel and I understand, as much as I can, your frustration.

Silly American dream. Single-family homes. *shakes fist*

[Erin Harper]

I am having heart palpitations just reading this. We are in our 5th house in 16 years. Moving brings out the devil in me. Our 4th and 5th houses were only 12 weeks apart. (more heart palpitaions) Did I mention we have 5 kids and 2 dogs, and enough "stuff" to fully fill all 5 said mentioned homes. We will stay in this house till I am carried out in a body bag. (which might be soon if I keep thinking about moving.)

[Christiana]

We bought our house knowing that it's current state (2bed/1bath) would not be a permanent situation for the 3-4 kids we wanted when we moved in. (at the time, childless). We figured we could buy now, upgrade to a bigger house later or at the very least build-on (large backyard). Now we are upside down in our mortgage (owe more than it's worth) and our only option is to convert our garage to a bedroom with the possibility or adding a half bath in there, too. But do I desperately want to eventually move? Yes!!!! My kitchen is tiny, we have little-to-no closet space throughout the house. We have a great room style living space that is our living/dining space which works for now, but I'd love to have some office space and or a playroom, etc. And I have learned SO much about what I need and want in our next house just by HAVING a house that doesn't meet my current needs (I loved it when we bought it, honest!) that I'll pick better the next time around. But I was SO grateful to get out of that wretched apartment that the first affordable decent space that we found in a good neighborhood was all it took for me to fall in love. (The backyard with more square footage than our house is nice for the 2 dogs, too!)

[Jen]

We're on House #2, and I'm pretty sure we'll be here for a while (unless we win the Powerball or something, then we might want to upgrade, ha) We lucked out majorly with our first house- it was just us at the time, and we found a nice little split entry that was in good shape. UGLY AS SIN INSIDE, but all the Big Stuff was good. In the 5 years we lived there, we upgraded everything- floors, painted walls, sinks, countertops, etc. It paid off when we decided last year to start looking for a new place. We were facing the same issues you mentioned- no work/grown-up space (playroom was the living room, or at least it would be if we'd had another baby there) and it just felt STIFLING.

Because we didn't Absolutely Have To Move, we were in a good position. And thankfully, Pittsburgh has had a very strong housing market, and we were able to sell our house and walk away with a nice chunk of change to put toward the house we found. And WE LOVE the new house- talk about luck. It was the VERY LAST HOUSE that was on the market in the area we were looking in the price range we were searching, so if we didn't find anything that day, we were just going to take a break for a while and keep our eye on things. We walked in and... the rest is history :)

All that being said, I don't think there's any rule about the Single Family Home thing with kids. It's all about what you're used to, for one thing. And for me, it was a dream. I lived in a trailer park until I went to college (my parents finally were able to buy a house when I was 19) so I'd always wanted A Nice House With A Yard. But I don't think it's required for happiness- and there IS a lot of responsibility along with a huge mortgage, GAH.

Good luck in whatever you guys decide to do :) It's exciting and scary and pretty made me want to throw up the entire time, but I also loved every minute of it. I'm a masochist, apparently.

[Raven]

I am on my first house in so far as it's my first house that I have had a mortgage for, I am on my third house in which I have held a paid stake. I lived in two rent houses before my husband lit a fire under my butt to BUY.

This is not my dream home by any stretch of the imagination and I was severely constrained by my son not wanting to leave this neighborhood when we were looking and my husband giving me an hugely unrealistic time frame to find something livable. Also, it was NOT a buyer's market when we moved. I love certain aspects of this house. I also way hate things like the small kitchen, the smaller living room, the master bathroom not having a door, the practically non-existent pantry and our neighbors.

That said, I am updating things as we live here. The guest bathroom is done and for under $700 (probably less, but I don't have the exact figure) the kitchen already looks way better but I have more plans, we are going to rip up all the carpet and do the floors and eventually our bathroom will be upgraded as well. Will we get our money back? Probably not but we aren't going nuts with what we are doing either. I get good deals when I buy things and we DIY most everything. Also, a lot of the upgrades are to make it more livable for me (I have A LOT of allergies so the carpet is a me thing not a resale thing) so I'm okay with that. If it's not a good market when we finally get to move, we'll rent and we'll get a higher rent if the house looks nicer.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

Don't hate me...we are in our first house and (God-willing) it will be the one from which we downsize when we retire.

Dave and I moved to this city when we first got married (as in I moved up ONE WEEK BEFORE the wedding and he joined me after our honeymoon) and we lived in a wicked apartment. We had existing savings (I got a bunch of scholarships in Uni and that preserved my savings - bless public education in Canada!!), some money from our wedding, and we saved like fiends. We were in the apartment for 3 years, which allowed us to get to know the city and find our gem of a neighbourhood. I should also admit that we inherited some money (which, while helpful, meant that I had to lose a loved one, so extremely bittersweet). This allowed us to go directly to detached, single family homes.

Our neighbourhood consists primarily of 45 year old houses - great workmanship (and standard hardwood floors) but some modern amenities (we have an ensuite bath). A lot of the houses are 3 bedroom, but 4 bedroom homes weren't that much more, so we aimed for those. We ended up buying from an original owner (she was 85!) who'd kept the house in immaculate condition - but with 1967 bathrooms and kitchen. And LOTS of wallpaper.

We've been in the house for nearly 3 years and, as I said, we plan to stay. We did a whole bunch of cosmetic stuff when we first moved in - some bathroom work, removing wallpaper and painting, mostly. A lot of the big stuff - windows, roof - had been done, and we replaced the HVAC this year because they were over 20 and the rebates were insane (over $3000 in rebates!). We intend to do big renovations in the future (kitchen, I am looking at you!) but since everything is totally functional, there is no big rush.

Lots of space for kid stuff, so Teddy, sibling-on-the-way and future kids have lots of room to commandeer. We will eventually fence the yard, but we back on to parkland, so it's so nice right now. And we are 100 m from a kiddie park, so it's a great spot.

[Style Lush Christina]

We are 33 and this is our first house- its a single family but we live in central Ohio so its affordable.
My husband is a professor so we are in a holding pattern until he either does or does not make tenure- then we decide.
Our house is plenty big for us (even w/ #2 on its way) we have a full finished basement affording us (semi) formal living spaces, a den and then the play room/family room and home gym and office in the dungeon- but, its out of date- built in 92 and really needs a face lift so we will either move to a 4 bedroom (so we can accommodate our in laws) or renovate this place, which, is what I want. I love our neighbors and we live in Ohio's best school districts. So, long story short- first house and I'm happy here. As long as we can update I'll stay until we move from the state.

[chatty cricket]

So, moving.

I HATE MOVING.

I am a creature of habit, I want to be where I am. I like the familiar versus big sweeping changes.

My parents moved from their first apartment into their first house right before I was born, and although they kind of assumed they wouldn't stay there forever, we lived in a lovely community and never outgrew the house, so they stayed put. And they're still there! And I LOVED growing up in ONE HOUSE ONLY. It offers an incredible sense of security. We were lucky enough that my parents could afford a house that was big enough to suit their needs for the next 32 years.

And I wanted to give the same thing to my own kids. And, growing up, Sweetie lived in 4 different houses as they moved up the property ladder and that was a LOT of new neighborhoods and a lot of transition and he went along with it (obvs), but did not like it. So HE ALSO loved the idea of being able to purchase The Home We'll Raise Our Children In.

We are SO lucky that we currently live in That House. Before we bought this house, we lived in a cute little townhouse in the same community (on the other side of our very small town), we owned it and, like you guys, had to sell it before we could move. So we did all of that new roof, new water heater, painted the exterior, fixed a bunch of rot (did I mention the townhouse was 250 years old? it was I LOVED IT), kind of boring updates to get it ready to sell, and sold it in a minute and a half and then had to quickly find a new house.

Interestingly enough, the house we put an offer on before this house was MORE expensive, but would have been a 5 year house. Ultimately we gave up on that house because we just couldn't meet in the middle, and that's when we found THIS house.

THIS house is in the kind of neighborhood where people raise their kids. Our street is made up of an awesome mix of empty nesters, old timers and new young families. This house has an awesome yard that is JUST the right size. Kids ride their bikes in the street. Our kids will always be able to walk to school.

The minute we walked into this house we KNEW it was the house where we'd raise our children. The bonus for us? It was totally in our price range, because although we KNOW we'll stay, we know in order to stay we'll need to add on down the road. right now our house is 1650 sq ft. It's a 3 bed, 1.5 bath colonial with a full basement and a walk up attic. When we bought this house we made the educated guess that eventually we'd need to go up to the third floor (bedrooms and a bathroom), someday we'd add a family room off the back of the house and expand the kitchen, and hopefully add a master bath at some point. But those are our 10 year plans. And in the mean time we live in our perfect little house and know that when normally we'd be feeling the space pinch and maybe have to move? We can stay where we are and add space.

I LOVE knowing we'll never leave our neighborhood. I love knowing that even though we have plans to change this space? We'll never have to leave it. Won't have to say goodbye to memories. The kids won't need to make new friends in a new neighborhood.

We were EXTREMELY lucky to find this house: it was one we could afford that suited our space needs perfectly, but also had the potential to grow with us and become EXACTLY what we'll need later.

[Emily]

Oh, a new house. We're in our first house right now, looking to buy within the next year or so. When we bought, it was a seller's market. When we sell, it'll be a buyer's market. Anyway, I can't tell you how much money we've sunk into this house to make it attractive to potential buyers. No, seriously, I can't: if I totaled it all up, I'd need smelling salts or, you know, a defibrillator to get me going again. New hardwood floors, new flooring in the kitchen, remodeled bathroom, new central heat/air, new water heater, new appliances, etc etc etc. We sink nearly every spare bit of cash into this house, just so we can sell it. And then, possibly, do all those things again in our next house (likely to be a "unique fixer-upper opportunity"). We'll be moving cities the next time we move, and I'm hoping it'll be our last move. So, we'll probably be looking for our "dream house," or as much of one as we'll be able to afford. The whole process is stressful and scary, but also exciting, yes? I have no real suggestions here, but I wish you all the best in whatever you decide, house-wise. (And I hope there's not a Man Cave in your future!!)

[Cora]

Oh man, I think about this topic A LOT!

My husband bought a house years ago, before we ever met. Then we met and fell in love and got married and I moved in. And I hated it. HATED. IT. It was old and drafty and needed a million updates and I didn't like the neighborhood. And then surprise! We had a baby. My husband had never intended to have a baby in that house because it was just a "starter" home, but guess what? The economy took a down turn, I lost my job, and we had a baby. All not in the plan. So we were stuck in the crappy old house that I hated and that he couldn't renovate on his own.

Then he got a job offer to move across the country. He took it and now we live in a 2 bed/1 bath apartment. It's much, MUCH smaller than our house, but I love it. I love Texas (where we now live), I love the location and it's big enough for the three of us. Not big enough for all of our STUFF, but it will do for now. (We got rid of a TON of stuff when we moved.)

But! We still own the stupid old house. So we are paying a mortgage AND rent, plus utilities on two residents. It sucks. We had to do a TON of renovations after we officially moved to get the house ready to go on the market. It's going up this week and I hope it sells soon, soon, soon. Otherwise, we are stuck in this tiny apartment for who knows how long.

My husband is DYING to buy a house, but I'm not ready yet. We are taking a HUGE loss on the stupid old house and if we had been renting this whole time, we would have saved ourselves A TON of money and could currently be looking for our "forever" house. Instead we're struggling with a ton of bills.

So right now we're kind of in limbo. We'd like to have at least one more child, but we both want to wait until we are moved into our new "forever" house. Because moving with a 9 month old was not exactly fun and I can't imagine moving with two. (We aren't near any family who could watch the kids at this point.)

Ideally, we'd sell the crappy old house, save up a good down payment (our current apartment is CHEAP, which is why one reason why I love living here) and then buy a house that we can grow into. We want at least 4 bedrooms because we want our future kids to have their own rooms and we need an office for all of our computer/scrapbooking/paperwork stuff.

Whew! That was a lot. But I agree with you. I feel like we should own a house too. My husband just turned 30 and I'll be 30 later this year. He is well established at work. We have a child. We are currently homeowners, albeit in a house we don't live in. So I feel like we SHOULD be owning a single family home. I feel like people might judge us because we live in a teensy apartment right now. So I get what you mean. I don't think I feel entitled to it, but I feel like it's what we should be working towards.

Good luck with the renovations!! I hate doing them and so I feel your pain in doing all the hard work for a house you won't live in for very long.

[Beth Fish]

Our first house was a townhouse, we were there for five years, until Child #1 was 2 and Child #2 was T-minus six months. Our second (and current) home is a single family with a huge yard that is an annoying amount of work to even semi-maintain and is the House Where Our Children Will Grow Up. Our third house, after the children go to college, will be my dream house. And since I live 4.2 miles from you, I will mention that our parents provided significant assistance with the purchase of House #2, or else we could maybe, maybe, have moved to a bigger townhouse, but probably not even that until I went back to work. Even with the bursting of the bubble, housing around here is a fortune.

[Amy]

My husband and I decided to skip renting and bought a house before we were *gasp* married. Heck, we weren't even engaged. We moved in to a semi-detached house on my 22nd birthday.

When we decided to have a baby, we moved. We had lived in our current home for almost four years.

Our second home was great for our first child, our son. Then we decided that maybe we should have another baby. Our two-bedroom home wasn't big enough. Time in this home: 3 years.

Our third home is the one we live in now and had our daughter in. We aren't having any other children so we are happy where we're at. This house will be our home at least until the kids are grown and out-of-school. But yeah, three houses in seven years is crazy!

[krista]

our first home was amazing - we were in north carolina, it was such a great price and brand new. truly my dream home. we lived there for 2 1/2 years, then my husband got a tenure-track position at a school in california, where real estate is not so affordable. and we couldn't sell our nc house in time either. so we are currently renting out that house and bought a townhome here. it's 2400 square feet, 3 bedrooms and 2 1/2 bathrooms. the best part: it has a formal dining room that we use as a playroom. it's perfect for us and was in our budget. i kind of had to get over the "single family home is the only way to go" mentality too though. and i'm so glad i did! good luck!