Seven Quick Takes makes a non-quick comeback!

ONE: The icicle I had picked out for Dave's untimely death has grown to gigantic proportions. I'm no longer certain about my ability to use it effectively. 

It is as thick as my forearm and probably close to three and a half feet long, and this means that should I feel the need to open the back door, I can't do it without worrying that I may soon be starring in my own episode of Grey's Anatomy. Remember that episode? The ridiculous one? HA! Right right right, sorry about that, I must be more specific since EVERY episode of Grey's Anatomy is ridiculous. Anyway, the one where Christina slips on ice and falls on her back and then BAM! Gets a very dramatic icicle through the heart. LIKE THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN. I can sense that you're joining me in a collective eye roll. Except... here I am, worrying that it might happen to ME. The good news is that after EIGHT DAYS of being stranded here without a car with four-wheel drive and two car seats, Dave finally gave me back the SUV and drove his own car to work this morning. The roads aren't even bad anymore, but this didn't stop him from muttering something about RISKING HIS LIFE as he walked out the door. If he keeps that crap up, I will find a way to use that icicle. AS GOD AS MY WITNESS. (Eight. Days.) (I mean, yes, my mom did come and pick us up a couple of times so we could hang out at her house, but somehow it isn't quite so freeing to get out of the house when you have to call your MOM for a RIDE.)

TWO: Lately I have a hard time walking anywhere without worrying that at any moment I'm going to get whacked upside the head with a tree branch and end up... mentally altered. My mother-in-law gave me a book a few months ago (actually, she said she was returning it to me because I had lent it out to her and I took it even though I didn't immediately recognize it because my superhuman talent is that I can read ENTIRE BOOKS and then get to the last page and think, hmmmm, that seemed somewhat... familiar, and then Dave will look at the cover and say, didn't you already read that? Why are you reading it again?) and anyway, one of the characters in it meets a tree branch that way and after her traumatic coma and losing her fiance, seems to tend. toward the loony. I don't even think I would have thought twice about it unless my mother-in-law had said, “It made me think of you, since you're always walking out there on those paths through the woods,” and so OF COURSE now I'm paranoid about things like BREEZES.

THREE: It doesn't appear that we're going to see our sidewalks again until July, so when I take Hambone for a quick walk in the evening so he can poop strategically into a snowbank, we have to do it in the middle of the street. I feel so REBELLIOUS walking in the street. I mean, how old are you when your parents start hammering it into you that the street is NO PLACE TO PLAY and that we should always be looking both ways and be very aware of traffic and the LURKING DANGER? I know I remind Asher about The Street every time we get anywhere close to a door. And now, even though I'm an adult, and even though I HAVE to walk the dog in the street because there is nowhere else to do it, I spend the entire walk slightly nervous. Because I'm breaking rules. And I get jumpy at the merest rumble of an engine, as if at any moment, someone might come tearing down the icy, snowpacked residential street at 60 miles an hour and barrel RIGHT INTO ME, like my parents always warned me they might. The reality is that very few people want to drive on icy streets after dark, and if they do, they don't come close to the speed limit so I have about... oh, TEN WHOLE ENTIRE MINUTES to drag myself and the dog into someone's driveway before they need to pass. But it FEELS dangerous.

FOUR: My mom and I took the kids to the mall this morning, since now the roads are clear. I had one measly goal: to buy a new pair of jeans. And I did, but the kids were unbelievably impatient about it. The most frustrating thing about this is that it's not like I dragged them through fourteen department stores and forced them to spend hours inside cramped dressing rooms: I tried on five pairs of jeans at GAP and then I tried on two shirts and a dress at Banana Republic and yet, it was about as relaxing and fun as getting hair plugs must be. I maintain that clothes shopping should always ALWAYS be done without children in tow, but I thought that I could get away with a couple of quick purchases this morning and that they might be reasonably fine with hanging out for a few minutes since they were getting so much in return. Because by the time we left the mall, they'd ridden a train and a full-sized carousel, had been given free balloons and had eaten soft pretzels from a kiosk and drank chocolate milk from Chick-fil-A. For crying out loud, my kids went to the mall equivalent of a CARNIVAL and all I got out of it was the opportunity break into a full-on SWEAT trying to pull on as many pairs of pants as I could in my three-minute time limit before everyone melted down and started throwing granola bars and rolling around in anger on the floor. UN-FREAKING-FAIR.

FIVE: I have avoided stepping on the scale for the last four or five months. The weather turned spotty right after I finished the half-marathon in October so I haven't exercised as much as I have wanted to, and I feel like I've eaten more chocolate and sweets and french fries than the Duggars do in a year. My personality is such that I tend to just avoid things that might bother or upset me, which means that I sometimes got to a my first class in a new semester before I had the courage to check my grades from the last one. But yesterday I decided it was unavoidable, and it would be healthier (both mentally and physically) if I was just aware of how much work I had to do to get back to my previous weight. I have been so nervous about knowing this new number that I've even been wearing ELASTIC WAIST SWISHY PANTS for the majority of the last two weeks – I'm too afraid to try on my jeans because I might find out that they won't fit. So I've AVOIDED THEM ALTOGETHER. (Swishy pants! Susan would be horrified!) But I bucked up and stripped down and stepped on the scale and... well, wouldn't you know. I weigh less in 2010 than I ever did in 2009. I don't know how this is humanly possible, especially considering the batch of cookies I baked last weekend and then ate BY MYSELF, in HANDFULS, but I'll take it. I guess I owe Jillian Michaels a thank you.

SIX: I know you're wondering if the potty is getting any action. Well, this is all I've got. And it ain't from the right kid.

SEVEN: And hey, while you're at it, you can enjoy this one, too.

Comments

[Life of a Doctor's Wife]

I tried to hate you about the weight thing. But Lucy is JUST TOO CUTE.

Also - great new picture on your blog! At least I think it's new. The days are all one big blur of grey skies and snow, so it could be April by now for all I know.

[auntie]

very funny post! i especially love the part about walking in The Street being DANGEROUS! because i would be thinking the exact same thing!!

[Ambry]

Ha! With the pickle! & the sour face! Love it.
When I was a waitress, I would want to hug the parents who requested a bowl of lemons for their babies. It never failed - the scene would always unfold as: baby puts lemon in mouth, face turns inside out, head falls off, everyone laughs...repeat. Always funny.
PS: hope Lucy doesn't potty train before Asher!

[Amy --- Just A Titch]

I love that the only deterrent from using the icicle to impale Dave is your inability to use it properly. HA.

[Danell]

How long does Lucy keep those kind of barretts in her hair? Marshall keeps them in hers for about eight minutes or so, then it's dangling off the side of her head before plopping onto the floor...where I have to wrench it out of her grabby litle fingers.
But they are so cute! And come in so many colors! And they are so EASY to put IN her hair! So, I keep trying...

[Elsha]

We were expecting that sour face the first time we gave Kalena a pickle, but no, she loved it. Now we have to be careful about getting out a jar of pickles because she wants to eat them until they're gone.

[erin]

We have the same potty! That thing is awesome. Too bad my daughter doesn't really use it either. *eye roll*

[alisha]

Number one got me to thinking so I googled icicle deaths. And it turns out that there are icicle related deaths every year. So it turns out maybe your fear of that icicle is valid. You're welcome!

[HereWeGoAJen]

Elizabeth loves pickles. And black olives. I think she's kind of a weird baby.

[natasha]

Maybe Asher would be more inclined to potty train if you had a less creepy potty. Who wants to pee in/poop on a frog?

[Jen]

It's safe to say that your potty training efforts are not going unnoticed. Lucy is getting the hang of it. Yay

So...Lucy didn't like the pickle?!? too adorable!

Yay for being able to BREAK OUT of your house!

[Courtney]

I liked #4 the best and also, I love your hair. : )

[Petroni]

I have tried to take Nate to the mall when I needed to try on clothes exactly ONCE so far. And he was TINY and in a STROLLER and it was still awful. Do children come with a built-in sensor that tells them to start crying/whining/etc. just as you're trying to find the one new garment you're desperate to have?

[barbetti]

You never fail to have me cracking up by the first few sentences.

And how awesome that Lucy at least tried that pickle. Dublin's enormous body could possibly be blamed on the fact that he will eat ANYTHING around him. He ate an entire can of beets two days ago. WHAT BABY DOES THAT. Wait, WHAT ADULT DOES THAT? Besides Dwight Shrute?

[Melissa]

I feel like I've been doing nothing but eating since we've been snowed in but miraculously, have maintained my weight too. I came to realize that while I'm stuffing junkfood down my gullet hand over fist, it's in place of and not in addition to balanced, healthy meals, so the caloric intake balances out. Bring on the brownies!

[alimartell]

the mall. my god, it's like disneyland for the kids...the food, the treats, the rides, the toys. And it's just a bloody nightmare for me. sigh.

[A'Dell]

BEETS?! Whitney! Who actually buys canned beets in the first place?

[Brianne]

i found your blog through the blathering twitter feed...i like your stuff :)

and i always let my roommate's dog crap in the middle of the road when i got stuck taking it out. my small way of sticking it to the man lol

[Michelle]

Back to the poop... Have you considered having him sit on the potty if he wants to watch TV? This causes a whole other problem that you'll need to solve, but if it gets the job done...

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Seven days of Creation (Genesis 1) e.g., God rested on and sanctified the seventh day(Sabbath)
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Seven days of the feast of Passover(Exodus 13:3-10)
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