No. I refuse to ride a mule. You can stop asking.

One of the hardest things for me about blogging is the inability to share every detail of every situation I write about. I don't like leaving out details (although I MUST or this website would take up the entire Internet) (oh, and also WHO WOULD READ IT) and I get really frustrated when I get a comment from someone that goes on and on and on about something I've already tried. To clarify, I'm NEVER annoyed that someone LEFT a comment like that; instead, I'm frustrated with MYSELF that didn't think to include that part of the story, and I get overwhelmed with the desire to write a whole extra post with all the details I forgot to include the first time. As a result, sometimes I have to make a concerted effort to distance myself from what I write as well as the comments people leave, not because I don't love and appreciate them (because I do! I love and appreciate every last one!) but because I almost have to PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN myself from responding to each and every comment with three extra pages of information just so I can make sure each person knows The Whole Story.

That said, I did not feel REMOTELY like that with the recent potty training posts. Everyone was kind and comforting and understanding and I just wanted to say thank you. It's still frustrating and it still REALLY REALLY SUCKS, but I feel like you GET ME, and I don't feel like I have to run back to the computer and bang out my Potty Training Rebuttal every time someone leaves a new comment. So thank you for that.

In much more exciting and much less fecally-centered Household News, Dave and I are less than three months away from taking a six-day, child-free vacation together. We are headed to Arizona, specifically, Phoenix, Sedona and the Grand Canyon. We booked plane tickets and arranged childcare and everything and here is where I tell you that although I am excited (there are not enough exclamation points for my level of EXCITED) I actually think I am more relieved than anything else.

True story: 2009 was a hard year. Yes. The whole thing. Marriage isn't easy, ever, but in this last year ours has been neglected more than either of us would have liked, simply because Lucy's first year on earth (also known as The Year Without Sleep) was so dadgum CHALLENGING. We were constantly exhausted, and constantly frustrated, and because we can't take that frustration out on Lucy (YET), we took it out on each other. We fought a lot this year. We argued and we irritated each other and we didn't spend nearly enough time connecting with each other. And I know that a six-day vacation doesn't automatically fix our bad habits and communication failures, but I think it will be a happy jumpstart.

The other night I couldn't fall back asleep after getting up with Lucy, and my mind was racing as I imagined leaving both kids for six whole days. It sounds so ridiculous to be nervous about leaving them, but in that moment I was, even though they'll be staying with GRANDPARENTS who they know and love. And yet, as nervous and anxious as I was in that moment, thinking about the distance and the separation and the what-ifs, I knew, in the quietness of my heart, that taking this trip with Dave was non-negotiable. It is important to me to have a healthy, fulfilling marriage (as well as to model one for my children), and we need to invest this time with each other, away from our kids, to do that. Continuing to build and maintain a strong marriage outweighs the fear of leaving my children a gazillion times over.

Dave and I could have chosen anywhere in the country to spend these upcoming six days, but we chose Arizona for a reason. Well, two reasons, I guess. One is that his brother moved there a few years ago and we've never been out to see him. The second is that we'll be pretty isolated out there. Two nights at the Grand Canyon? In a bare bones cabin? Without Internet or television to distract us? Needing a FLASHLIGHT to get around after dark? We'll be forced to talk to each other. A lot. And as much as I love seeing cities and being part of the action and checking places off of my To See list, there is something to be said about the quietness of nature. Of not having to make dinner reservations and not worrying about what to wear and not feeling like we have to see every tourist trap and museum within a fifteen-mile radius in order to make the trip “worth it” in a monetary way. Nope, instead we'll be staring at a big fat crack in the earth for more than two days, and while I anticipate that it will be thrilling to see one of the seven natural wonders of the world, I am anticipating the reconnection and one-on-one time with my husband a lot more.

I never wrote about any of my resolutions here. This is mostly because I never really MAKE any hard and fast resolutions, but if you asked me what I'd like to do better in 2010, now that I don't have the distraction of a brand-new baby and the learning process involved in parenting multiple children, I would say that my biggest desire is to be a better wife. Yeah, sure, I'd like to be a better mother, too (who wouldn't?), but I have more than 40 hours of alone time each week with my children, so I know I can do that if I want to. No, I need to work on being a better wife, a more supportive, involved and patient wife, a wife who remembers every day why she got married to this wonderful man in the first place, and I need to remember to do that even when I'm exhausted and drained at the end of the day. I want to remember that I married this man because he was kind and funny and brilliant and protective and because he complemented me. And I am staying married to this man because he is still all of those things, in addition to being an amazing father. I wish I took more opportunities to remember that. I regret that I haven't said it to him more often.

And he's going to read this and hold me to it.

Anyway, we have the general backbone of our trip all planned out, but if you have any suggestions, particularly for good hikes or restaurants or excursions or hotels (specifically hotels/restaurants in Sedona), I would love love LOVE to hear them.

(Also stay tuned for the upcoming Post of Misery. Yes, potty training still blows and DOUBLE YES: hand foot and mouth disease is MAJORLY SUCKTASTIC.)

Comments

[Rachel]

I never really pipe in with a comment, but I am an avid reader (as we are very similar, and believe we would be friends)! Anyway, love this post as i feel the same way. We recently took a trip just the two of us, and it was great, just what we needed (I am due with my second in 10 weeks and anticipate a hard year ahead).

We were in Phoenix and sedona over april for a wedding...it was great. We hiked camelback mountain in phoenix. REALLY challenging in my opinion (short, but really steep), but totally worth the view and sense of accomplishment.

Also, Cowboy Caio restaurant in Scottsdale, right outside of Phoenix, is worth the trip!

[Teresa]

I am a new reader and really enjoy your blog. My first kiddo is almost one, so I've enjoyed reading about your experiences. And I very much also feel that I've let my marriage fall by the wayside a bit, so it's nice to hear I'm not the only one.

Anywho, as for dining in Sedona...The Coffeepot (http://coffeepotsedona.com/) is great for breakfast. Doesn't look like much, but on a 3 day stay, my husband and I ate there two mornings. Yummy. Have fun!

[PomJob]

I admire you so much for realizing that you need to put effort into your marriage. As a single woman, hearing stuff like this about people who do really want to be married and have committed to working at said marriage, gives me hope that maybe marriage is worth it. (Seriously, I've seem many marriages fail and it has really taken a toll on my outlook.) So good luck with that part of your trip (both to Arizona and your Golden Anniversary and beyond).

That said, I took a family vacation to those same areas a couple years ago. I loved, loved, loved Sedona - it's gorgeous! We stayed at a cheap hotel so I don't have a recommendation for lodging, but I highly recommend the Pink Jeep Tour. It was super fun! We also went to the Blazin' M Ranch for a cowboy show and chuckwagon dinner which was entertaining.

A coworker who lived in Sedona also recommended the Coffeepot. Enjoy!

[Kim]

Oh oh! I'm so excited, no one ever comes to Phoenix and I live here and I have so many suggestions! I'm going to trip over myself here!

I like the Hyatt in Sedona. It's a little off the beaten path (about a ten minute drive out of Sedona). It's all suites with little porches. Very cute and under $200 a night which is almost economical for Sedona. If you're looking to blow some cash L'Auberge is the top of the line. Romantic, great for couples.

When you're down in Phoenix you might want to check out the JW Marriott at Desert Ridge. They have the renowned Roy's Restaurant there (pacific rim cuisine). They also have one of the greatest patios to hang out and have snacks at. If you go, let them valet park your car (you can get your ticket validated in any of the restraunts) otherwise you will have a heck of a walk. Which I have done in high heels and I don't recommend it.

Also, we live in the desert, and it does get hot here but Sedona and the Grand Canyon at night? COLD. Bring a fleece for sure! I'm going to shut up now...hope you love it here! I really enjoy your blog!

[Mrs. D]

Belated happy birthday, by the way!

Also, this post made me tear up. It can be so easy to take marriage for granted. I do it more often than I care to admit. It's wonderful that you and your husband have this great opportunity to reconnect. Thank you for the reminder that it's so incredibly important to WORK at making a relationship strong.

[Dani]

I've made that very same resolution. I'd like to say I accomplished it, (probably not), but I do think there's something to say about INTENTIONS. And understanding that it's important. I also think I made that resolution at around the same time as you (kid wise). I will tell you that for us anyway, it has gotten easier as the kids get older. There is less frustration in the day to day, and less exhaustion, and that has made a difference. Also, thumbs up for the trips away. We just started doing that last year, and for us for a couple days anyway, we are a couple and not parents. It's nice to reconnect without life's distractions. Have fun on your trip!

[Katie]

You should hike near the Enchantment Resort in Sedona on a trail called Devil's Bridge I believe. Relatively easy with great views and I think there's even a VORTEX! nearby. And if you like Thai food you should eat at the Little Thai Kitchen in Flagstaff because, wow. Have fun!

[Morgan S.]

We stayed here two years in a row and LOOOOOOOVED it. http://www1.hilton.com/en_US/hi/hotel/SDXSEHH-Hilton-Sedona-Resort-Spa-Arizona/index.do Nice pools and golf - even if you don't golf, the driving range is fun.

And - OH DANG, was this place TASTY! http://www.cowboyclub.com/cowboy_about.html It is on the main strip in Sedona.

FYI - There is a mexican restaurant on the main Sedona strip, too - that place is a NO.

There is also a very nice italian place right down the street from the Hilton (you just walk down the driveway of the resort entrance).

[Beth]

Hi. I'm delurking to tell you that Binkleys restaurant is the most amazing meal my husband and I have ever had. and we've eaten at alot of places. I don't know how close to Sedona it is but I know if wasn't too far from Phoenix. Here is the link: http://binkleysrestaurant.com/

and I hope you two have an amazing vacation!

[jive turkey]

I second the Camelback Mtn. hike (get there early, it's a popular one and parking spaces fill up fast), and also The Coffeepot in Sedona for breakfast. I had huevos rancheros there that I STILL daydream about.

[jive turkey]

Oh! And go to the Sugar Bowl in Scottsdale (Phoenix) for some ice cream!

[Parsing Nonsense]

SO glad you and Dave get to take that trip together! I think every once in awhile it's important to make space for reconnecting, and I applaud you and Dave's willingness to recognize that a trip alone together is exactly what you need.

[Chattycricket]

Huh.

And also:

Yup.

And also:

Brilliant!

And also:

NEVER BEEN to the Grand Canyon, but I am majorly drooling over that Peace and Quiet of Nature thing, and I sort of feel like staring at a giant crack in the ground might be enough to amuse me these days. As long as no one is biting eachother and/or me.

[Stacie]

Excellent. Lily is almost 2 and our marriage suffered big time after she was born/the fire. We need a vacation together. Probably won't happen this year but we do need it. You and Dave are very blessed to have one another. I know you both know that and I hope you have a fabulous vacation. I've never been there so I have no suggestions as to where to go, however I will suggest not to load your days up too much and take some time to just relax with each other ( I know Dave gets bored easy). Schedule a couple massage or something of that nature. Let it be fun but also let it be relaxing.

[Valerie]

Never commented before but you are traveling to my second most favorite place (after New Mexico). I recommend the Briar Patch Inn in Oak Creek Canyon which is just a hop skip and jump from Sedona. It has cabins and is peaceful and wonderful with healthy breakfasts. It is close to all the amenities of Sedona and all the hiking. Have fun, I'm terribly jealous.

[beyond]

ah the grand canyon and sedona! was there a few years ago, always staying in very cheap places because my fellow road trip pals and i were dirt poor. the grand canyon will blow your mind. and we took a beautiful hike up to a vortex in sedona.
maybe all married couples should go on away with just each other every once in a while. because sometimes it's just HARD whether you have children or not.

[A'Dell]

I love that you wrote this - I have been beating myself up something significant at my failings as a wife over the past few months and it's like, where to even start with fixing it? Where to find the extra hours in the day?

It's so difficult to be good at everything, all the time.

[Jessica]

The Enchantment Resort is amazing, to stay at AND eat at (though not cheap for the staying part...). And the Savannah restaurant was lovely when we were there! I hope you have a wonderful time reconnecting with your husband!

[livlaugheat]

I loved Hole-in-the-Rock at Papago Park in Tempe (very easy walk) and when I did my SW roadtrip last summer, we stopped by Antelope Canyon (a bit North of Sedona) and it was amazingly beautiful.

[bethany]

Call your congressman and get on a list for the Hoover Dam tour. I know, a dam doesn't sound so interesting, but people pay lots for the flyover and such, and your congressman can hook you up. Definitely worth it and free.

[Natalee]

Have a great time!

So many people seem to forget that having a good, lasting marriage is WORK, whether you have kids or not. My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years, married for almost 12, and though we don't have children (yet), we've still had our fair share of ups and downs. But, at the end of the day, I know that I'd rather spend the rest of my life with him than with anyone else (even when he forgets to put the toilet paper on the roll - seriously, how hard is it?!)

PS: Now you've made ME want to go to AZ!

[Jen]

I appreciate this post and your honesty. I am currently pregnant with my first, and I'm worried about what is to come. I can't imagine it's going to be anything except challening and stressful as far as the marriage is concerned. I would think it's pretty hard to not have it take a back seat to caring for an infant. I hope your vacation is everything you hope for!

[Wiz]

What a great post. I know so many will relate to this. Its hard to remember your marraige sometimes when you feel like you are being pulled in so many different directions. I feel so dang pooped ALL.THE.TIME. Thanks for writing this. Have fun in AZ!

[Youngin]

I am putting "big fat crack in the earth" up there with "freezing drizzle" at the top of my "Favorite Phrases" list. I like the way you play with them words.

On the marriage tip: I love to hear when people try. It's easy to give up. It's also easy to never start (that'd be me). But, trying means you are giving up a little piece of yourself to take on a little piece of your spouse.

On the vacation front: There is another thing it is really easy to do when you are alone . . . with out your kids . . . in nature . . . by yourselves . . . all I am saying is there are 11 months left in this year. Be careful out there.

[ANNIE]

Yesterday, after Mass, my two big boys went home with their grandparents while Tim, sleeping Nate, and I went out shopping for new furniture (which we totally got! And it was way cheaper than I ever imagined! And I loooove it!) and then out for lunch. We sat there and talked about serious stuff and laughed about silly stuff. Really we just enjoyed each other's company. And it wasn't a fancy date with reservations and dressing up and worrying about getting home for the boys. It was just lunch. And it was fun. And we totally connected.

I'm excited for you guys and your time away, just the two of you. It will be lovely.

And I've started FAR too many sentences with "and" to convince ANYONE that I'm an actual college graduate.