In 2010, I resolve not to shop for appliances with children in tow.

We spent most of New Year's Weekend shopping for a new refrigerator. Should you ever be in the market for such a thing – a Major Appliance, as I believe they happen to be called – take some advice from me and LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN BEHIND. Well, what I mean is, don't take them with you in the first place, I guess, since “leaving them behind” seems to imply that perhaps you might opt to stuff them both inside a front-loading washing machine before heading for the exit. (But don't walk too fast or they'll peg you for a shoplifter.)

We have been in Sears and Home Depot (TWICE) and Lowe's and Best Buy and we never ever EVER left a store because we were actually finished looking. No, we left because someone was either screaming or crying or throwing Goldfish crackers all over the floor or slamming the freezer doors so hard that employees started giving us the stink eye. And then to pacify the screamer, we'd let her out of the cart for a while except she thought that was the most fun Chase The Baby game ever in the history of the world (her: SO MUCH OPEN SPACE; us: CONCRETE FLOORS, WHERE IS YOUR HELMET) and so basically, one of us would look at the refrigerators while the other one herded children out of the tile aisle and back to Major Appliances and then the person who was looking at refrigerators would kind of yell out which model they were thinking would be affordable/attractive for the kitchen and would gesture wildly in its general direction and the herder would take his or her turn checking things out while the other person took over trying to keep the kids from shutting their fingers in the cabinet displays or trying to climb into a floor-model toilet. It was so unbelievably frustrating – I almost think it would have been more beneficial for us to have shopped via Skype. I could have stayed home with the kids, and Dave could have showed me everything via webcam. And we did do a lot of our preparation with the Internet before we went out, but it's really hard to compare the storage space in a counter-depth refrigerator with a regular one without BEING THERE, you know? The only word for what we were when we got home from each outing was WEARY.

Here's how Dave entertained the children. This would have never flown in a store populated primarily with women. But the dudes shopping at Home Depot thought this was downright HILARIOUS.

Also, I don't know about you, but when I'm shopping for ANYTHING, I want to do my own poking around BEFORE I involve a salesperson. I hate it when a salesperson doesn't ask if I need any help and instead, follows me around and stands three inches behind me announcing features while I manhandle a product. ESPECIALLY since I'd already DONE my research, and what she was telling me about each refrigerator was obvious JUST BY LOOKING AT IT. “This one has French doors! This one has a bottom freezer! This one is 33 inches wide and black.” (I KNOW, LADY, I'M LOOKING AT IT.) I just wanted to be left alone, to fondle snack drawers and gallon-size door storage on my own terms. Telling someone to back off and give us a little space is Dave's job, and he was off somewhere making sure Lucy wasn't shoving deck screws under her eyelids.

When it was Dave's turn to shop, the saleslady - I suppose in an attempt to make a humorous joke that would endear us to her and ensure her commission - said, “Oh! Your daughter has blue eyes and you both have brown! Are you sure she isn't the milkman's child?”

I will pause here for a moment while you fix that gaping mouth thing you've got going on.

A) Do we even HAVE milkmen anymore? Let's update this joke, please, if we're going to tell it. And B) INAPPROPRIATE. And NOT FUNNY. It's one thing when a family member or friend says something about your child's suspected baby daddy, right? And don't get me wrong, I know she was trying to be playful and didn't REALLY mean it, but I felt like saying, Lady, you're lucky the only thing I'll do is blog about this, and not report you to your manager, which I think a lot of people might.

Here's where I decide I'm done talking about this entire experience and you tell me how awesome LG appliances are. I'm thinking along the lines of how they never malfunction and last for years and are big pluses when selling a starter home. OK? I forbid you to tell me anything otherwise, as I have seen every other refrigerator ever manufactured in the entire world, ever.

Anyway, shortly after we decided to buy this Major Appliance, I unearthed a $450 doctor bill from a big pile of mail and then Hambone ripped his toenail out, to the tune of a $183 vet bill. In other words, we've spent all but $113 of the earmarked refrigerator money. ALL THAT WORK, for a refrigerator that may never materialize. OH FOR SHAME. Also: STILL VERY WEARY.

On the plus side, Hambone's toenail procedure involved sedation. 

Comments

[Hope]

We bought our refrigerator by opening a store card and taking the 0% interest for 12 months deal. The only catch? You have to pay it off on time or you get hit with all of the interest. I was a nervous nelly until we paid that dang thing off.

And, yes, LG fridges are supposed to be fantastic.

[Megan]

I did something similar last week - only instead of shopping for appliances, we shopped for a car with a cranky toddler. NEVER again. And I mean never. I'm so glad my mom could watch Maureen for our shopping trip the next day. So, I feel for you - yikes! And I just read the part where you said you didn't wind up with a new fridge, after all. Double yikes!

That milkman comment was just dumb. I have been asked that a lot, but only because Maureen is basically a female clone of my husband. I think people think I'm the vaguely Irish-American nanny.

[Mrs. D]

Oh my I am exhausted FOR you just reading about that shopping expedition. Finding anything at Home Depot/Lowes et al not to mention trying to do the Salesperson Dodge are hard enough without young kiddies in tow.

[Mama Bub]

I actually DO have a milk man and the sheer convenience is enough for me to consider letting him father our next child. Still, it's not okay to say.

And I think that toenail procedure paid for itself in humor.

[Carrie]

That does sound exhausting. Although I do love how your husband entertained the kids. Too funny.

I've been shopping online for a coffee maker for months, and then we spent 700% of the coffeemaker money on new tires and other things for the car instead. :)

[Emily R]

I love how, in the video, Lucy is riiiight on the precipice of knocking over that giant stack of buckets and random man walks by. And Dave's response- petting Asher! Like, "yep, I am a good dad. I loves me some kids."

Although, I think the bucket idea is BRILLIANT and that is going to be baby boy's next bed. He will be rocking it Princess and the Pea style.

[QoB]

tell the saleslady she needs to go study Genetics 101 - recessive and dominant traits.

[Shelly]

Please tell me you did not buy the fridge from the Milkman Lady. WTF was she thinking in saying that??? Puh-lease!

[Maggie]

My friend just bought an LG washer and dryer, which she will not shut up about, how she LOVES her new LG washer and dryer, OMG I GET IT WHO CARES. But her favorite feature, I kid you not, is how it "sings" to you. Like when your laundry is done? Or something? Instead of beeping it plays a little airy song, like something that would come out of the Wii? I don't know. But I DO like the idea of a friendly appliance. Like, a refrigerator that coos when you open the door? ADORABLE.

[Shelly]

I forgot to say how much I enjoyed watching your stoned dog. Dude, we've all been there. Hope his hangover wasn't too bad.

[Mimi]

Our dog just had the same toenail procedure! Except ours cost $200! Ugh. Dogs.

[Elizabeth]

1. You are scaring the pants off me in regards to two children.
2. I have loved everything LG I've ever bought.
3. I bought my refrigerator online and it was mostly because of how totally annoying the salesmen were. They never had what I wanted, and I knew more than they did, so they'd just try to convince me to buy something I didn't want.
4. I really love my bottom freezer, just an FYI, although please note that when we got it home the fridge DID NOT FIT in the space provided and I had to cut off a section of the cabinet, yes I did.
I also get the weird eye comments all the time! Your eyes are brown! Where does he get his blue eyes? Um, HIS FATHER? Freaks.

[Jessica]

I wonder if my dog did the same thing to his toenail as Hambone did. His broke off really low and I could see the quick but I waited for his nail to break off enough before pulling it off for him. I didn't think vets could do anything for dogs when they broke them that badly so I refused to take him in and pay for them to do nothing. He's fine now! Plus, it made him a lot calmer when the baby was outside.

[TJ]

That's pretty much how our dog looks on a standard basis. I'm glad he's more of a "lounge in a decorative fashion" dog than an action dog, so we can avoid such toenail mishaps and thus anesthesia, because I think it would be way less hilarious and more "poke him! poke him and see if he's still alive!" morbid.

[Parker_B]

Oh, Hambone is so cute! What an rude saleslady- interesting what some people think is a socially acceptable "joke."

[chatty cricket]

This sounds like the time (this past weekend) when we took all three of our kids with us to look at/buy a car.

Maybe we should start a reference list? For times that people NEED to secure childcare? For reference?

[kkjayne]

At least you didn't find the dog's toenail in the baby's mouth like I did... GAG!

[MB]

We have an LG dryer that was $1100 and at 2 years old stopped working. 6 service visits later and no one has any clue how to fix it. Buy the extended warranty!! We should have listened to the Home Depot guy who gave us several reasons not to buy that model. We thought our internet research trumped his $8/hour job experience. Boy were we wrong.

We also have a milkman. His name is Chris and he is fan-tastic. Highly recommend - southmountaincreamery.com

[Raven]

We have an LG fridge and LOVE IT. We got it at Home Depot on a 12 month 0 interest card and it was awesome!

[Farrell]

I just had to by a fridge because mine broke. $600 dollars at christmas time for something you weren't expecting=joy
(sarcasm included)

[kara]

I only know one person with an LG fridge, but she haaaates it. It's only two years old, and a top-of-the-line stainless steel French-door style, but it is 100% crap. I have a GE top-of-the-line stainless steel French door fridge, which is also two years old, and my friend just about starts crying every time she comes to my house and sees our fridge. Hers literally has pieces of it falling apart everywhere (i.e. the front of that snack drawer broke off, half of a shelf cracked so you can't put anything on it, etc.--I can't even remember all that's wrong with it). It's terrible. Every time she's at my house she says, "I saved $300 by going with the LG instead of GE. Now I just have to buy a whole new one and it'll be all good."

Do you ever look at Consumer Reports? No commercial advertising funds, so no one to answer to, and they do honest, unbiased reviews of everything from cars to vacuums. I think it's well worth the $4.95 per year you pay to access the reviews on the website--we look at it everytime we're buying something major, and we've had great luck because of it!

[Tiah]

When we moved to South Africa I had three weeks to buy 2 cars, a dishwasher, washing machine, vacuum cleaner and... a refrigerator with children in tow. Oh, and most people speak Afrikaans and I don't. It's the stuff nightmares are made of.

This year we bought a freezer. I now know a babysitter. Yes, my husband took a day off work in order to co-ordinate with the sitter simply so we didn't have to take them with us. We thought it was worth it, too.

[Jacqueline]

I have no info on LG appliances since our fridge is GE and our stove, microwave/ventilation system and washer/dryer set are Frigidaire. They're all quite nice, for what it's worth.

It makes me crazy buying appliances and cars, so I totally feel your appliance shopping pain. We were in the market for a bigger family vehicle this fall. At one dealership the salesman came out to introduce himself and ask what he could help us with. I can't stand shopping with a salesman breathing down my neck, so I politely informed him that I did my research online, knew what I was after and if and when I had questions I'd find him. It's not like I minced words or alluded to our preference to shop without him, but he didn't take the hint to beat feet. He followed our every step and wouldn't shut his yap. I just gathered my kids, turned around and went back to my car where my husband promptly joined us. On one test drive a salesman tried to instruct me on how to change lanes on the interstate. If that SUV had an eject button his butt would have been history. I could see my hubby cracking up in the back seat because he knew I was about to snap the guy's neck and that didn't help matters either. So glad we found a car we love and plan to drive it until it drives no more!

[Angela]

We have a GE with french doors and the freezer on the bottom, and I am not a big fan. Even though the thing is huge, there is barely enough room for items that stay in the fridge for a while (ie condiments, salad dressing, etc). There is quite a bit of space for very short items, but not nearly enough space for tall items. Also, we have ice and water in the door, and the ice maker is crap. We never have enough ice if we are having people over for dinner, and forget it if we are having a party. We learned that the hard way, and now we have a bag of ice in the freezer at all times. I am very bummed because I was so excited about this fridge, and now I regret ever buying it.

[Bre]

I have GE kitchen appliances. Love them. Looked at LG and they are basically the same as GE but cheaper - however I heard horror stories about LG repairs. Stories of people waiting weeks for parts to come in, not being able to find an authorized repair man, etc. My GE appliances all had problems with in the first year and the repair man was FANTASTIC! Never had a problem getting service (even got an 8 am Monday service call when my freezer stopped cooling at 10 pm on Sunday night). So I opted to pay more for the GE and do not regret it at all.

On the flip side, I do have an LG washer and dryer. When my dryer was delivered it had a huge dent in it and it took 3 weeks for them to get a new one in (meanwhile they wouldn't deliver the washer until the dryer was in and I spent three weeks driving an hour to my parents to do laundry. That wasn't fun at all!). Oh and the part about the singing - that's true. My husband tells me my video games are going off whenever the washer or dryer is done!