Don't think Dora has grown on me. SHE HASN'T.

My children have conspired to make sure that one of them is making life... let's go with difficult (for lack of a better, non-four-letter word) around the clock, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Lucy's talents are particularly well-suited for making me want to pull my hair out and punch crib mattresses between the hours of 7pm and 7am, and then when she gets up in the morning, I assume she gives some sort of secret signal to Asher (I picture her narrowing her eyes and dragging a tiny index finger across her throat when my back is turned to grab a diaper) and he accepts the relay baton of Operation Parental Destruction.

Lucy is working on her two top teeth. I know I should have more sympathy for her than I do. I know it must hurt, those jagged peaks of enamel breaking through her soft widdle gums. And God forbid she inherited MY teeth, as anyone who has ever seen me in person can attest, I have front teeth the exact shape and size of Chiclets, so cutting those suckers is probably no walk in the park. Each time she cries out for comfort in the middle of the night (ALL EIGHT OF THEM), I take my sympathetic response down a notch or two. Which is the OPPOSITE of what I SHOULD do, I know. Intellectually I know that more frequent wakings means the baby is in more pain and discomfort, but guess what? SO AM I. Do you know how badly my eyes burn after having to pry them open and then use them EIGHT DIFFERENT TIMES between the hours of midnight and five a.m.?

And then she gets up for the day at seven and pretends that we haven't seen each other every 45 minutes for the last 12 hours. That kind of charms me, I'll be honest. Especially if I was wearing my angry and frustrated face for our last meeting. But it's like she doesn't care, she's standing up in her crib and babbling and doing her best Godfather impression when she sees the photo collage of herself hanging on the wall. (I should videotape that. Words do it no justice.)

I get about 15 minutes of peace with her before her brother gets up and assumes his duties. About three seconds after he gets out of bed he starts whining and he doesn't let up until he's in bed for the night at 8:30, which FUNNILY ENOUGH, HAHA, coincides with Lucy's first scheduled wakeup for tooth comfort. It's amazing how they do it. I won't go into details about what Asher's job description entails. Suffice to say that I'm guessing he's just THREE, and is exploring all the different ways he can express himself, as long as those expressions make me want to lock him in a broom closet until he turns eight. (Short version is that we're working on asking for things politely and being gentle and kind with Lucy.) (And the short version to the question you're undoubtedly asking now is NO, it's NOT GOING VERY WELL.)

Which also means that even though Asher turned three a full month ago, we have not been pushing the potty training issue. We have some hurdles to work through still with communicating effectively with him (I have never met a child so hardened to bribery or peer pressure) but I did cave and buy him some (VERY PINK) Dora pull-ups a couple of weeks ago in hopes that it would encourage him. (It didn't.)

Can we just talk for a second about television characters? Can someone please explain to me why children's television shows feature normal, relatively sexless and genderless characters and yet the marketing for those shows turns them into either very masculine or very feminine personas? Take Dora, for example. If you watch a regular, 25-minute episode of Dora on Nickelodeon, there's absolutely nothing about it that would make a boy/male viewer feel as if it was too girly or exclusionary to his gender. Dora doesn't wear anything frilly or ridiculous, she has a crappy haircut, she has some pretty dorky friends (someone tell me what that squirrelly thing with the buck teeth is, and why he can DRIVE). But she does cool stuff. She helps people. She's selfless. She plays SPORTS. Yes, sometimes there are girly-ish things like rainbows and butterflies, but these things also OCCUR IN NATURE.

Now take the MARKETED Dora. There are DVDS of Dora princess movies and there are pink toothbrushes with Mermaid Dora on them and there are talking Dora dolls and pink Dora underpants and pull-ups. These are all things that are marketed only to girls, even though the Dora television show is not girly at all. So boys who like Dora are subjugated to wearing/buying things that are pink or girly, much to their fathers' dismay. (SPEAKING HERE OF PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.) Whereas if a girl happens to watch a show like Diego (again, a situation where the show itself is neutral and geared mostly towards kids who like animals, not necessarily just BOYS) it's considered totally okay for her to own/wear Diego merchandise, because of the double standard of girls being able to wear boy clothes/play with boy toys/be named boy names and society being totally okay with it. It's not usually okay the other way around.

I PERSONALLY am not opposed to buying my boy pink things. If I am buying him something that he likes, and it happens to be pink, well then, that's fine. (Case in point, two pink Mermaid Dora toothbrushes sitting on the bathroom counter. Because you can't buy REGULAR Dora toothbrushes! She has to be GIRLIFIED for some reason.) That's not my issue, though, even though it's annoying. It's okay for princess stuff to exist. I just don't understand why EVERYTHING has to be princess-related. I think my issue with it is the same issue a lot of moms have with the overabundance of girly princessy things: that they don't want their daughters growing up thinking the absolute coolest thing a girl can be is a beautiful, long-haired princess. 

Likewise, I don't want my SON growing up thinking that the only things girls are good for is being a princess or a mermaid or some other crappy fantasy. Why can't the Dora from the cartoon show be the same Dora that's portrayed in the merchandise? (And I know the REAL reason, obviously, because this kind of crap makes money, and who's to say that I won't buy it once my daughter is old enough to care? I can't say that I won't, because I haven't been there yet.) But for my son, and I know this is a first-world problem, the idea of struggling over marketing for a television show, but just BEAR WITH ME, I would like him to be able to admire a girl on a television show because she does cool, kind, and brave things. But he'll end up being bombarded by images of that same girl being reduced to a princess or a mermaid, neither of whom I tend to admire very much. THE WORLD DOES NOT NEED MORE PRINCESSES. Can I get an amen?

Geez, as much whining and wearing me out that kid does, you wouldn't think I'd have any motherly instincts left with which to love and protect him, and also RAISE HIM TO RESPECT WOMEN, but it turns out I do.

Comments

[Megan]

The princess marketing angle burns me up to no end. Don't get me started on the Disney princesses (for starters, why is Belle a princess?! She's a "commoner" until like the last two minutes of the movie).

I don't want my daughter to think that being a princess is all there is in life, but it seems like it really limits me as to what I can buy for her.

[Beth in SF]

My friend is going through this thing with her son and Dora right now. She has a 5yo daughter and 3yo son. The daughter of course fawns over anything Dora, and the son is starting to like it too. They are attempting to potty train the son, but the only real undies he wants? Dora. Which of course they don't make for boys. So he's wearing girls underwear. She's hoping he outgrows it before grade school because seriously, kids are mean. We also don't get why the show is fairly non gender specific, yet all her crap is for girls.

[Ren]

AMEN.

[Fran]

I remember this problem when my sons were young and liked Dora (I personally cannot stand her BUT). Now I have a little girl who LOVES boy stuff...go figure!

[Diane]

As a mother of daughters, this stuff drives me nuts too. The princess Dora marketing is fairly new, and even 3-year-old Violet is disappointed by it. (And she likes princesses!) My well-meaning brother bought her a mermaid Dora for her birthday, and she was INCENSED that it had no legs. Or backpack. Or anything that makes Dora DORA.

As far as general rantings on Boy Toys vs. Girl Toys? THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH LETTERS ON THE INTERNET.

[Kate]

AMEN. To the vast amusement and slight irritation of my friends and family, I refuse to get down with the Disney princess thing for my two year old. If, at some point, she falls in love with the idea of princesses, fine, I'll live with it. But I'm damn well not going to MARKET it to her, as though that's all a girl can be.

[Charlotte]

Princess stuff drives me nuts!! My daughter just turned 2 and it was hard finding cute party decor that didn't have a friggin' crown on it. She's actually really into robots - go figure! On the potty stuff, I just have to say that our son (who is 4 now) took forever wearing pull-ups, like a year, and then we just put him in underwear and let him do his thing. He was totally potty trained within a couple weeks with very few accidents because he hated actually feeling the pee in his cool,new Thomas underwear. Pull-ups can be too much like a diaper and the pee just stays nice and warm rather than making them uncomfortable. I was terrified of trying this but it worked!

[Tori]

Agreed. 100%

And can I just say that your blog makes me laugh so hard. Like wet myself laugh.

I emailed the link to your Pants post to basically everyone I know, and now my friends and I discuss your posts at playdates. Oh, and also, I'm not as weird as that last sentence made me sound. :)

[Amy --- Just A Titch]

I used to nanny for twin 3 year olds, so 1) I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I used to be so glad when I got to go home. Um, sorry you don't get to. But, in the way of good news, one of them was OBSESSED with all things pink and princess, and he totally grew out of it...and from what I hear, he's like 15 and treats girls very well and doesn't think they're just little princesses. HOPE FOR THE FUTURE. Hope you get some sleep soon. xo

[Manda]

Yes, you can get an AMEN from me ... my sister and I were total tomboys (who also played with Barbies. Which might make no sense, but I tell you what, we had bad haircuts and wore sweatpants everywhere and tackled boys and could play Barbies for HOURS). And now that I have a daughter? Who loves to play BALL!? It thrills me to no end that she does not have one single baby doll. Perhaps I am depriving her (her Grandma certainly thinks so and has been babydoll-hunting for a blonde, brown-eyed babydoll for MONTHS to no avail, bwhooohahahahahahaha!).
Also, of note for teething ... have you tried the teething tablets yet? The homeopathic ones that I can't think of the brand name of yet? Because the baby is napping and they are in her room? Hybells or something? I am too lazy to google, yes? ANYWAY, they are great. And once? I tried Motrin instead of Tylenol and BOOM, she slept through the night whilst teething.
That being said? CHICLET TEETH? HAAAA!
(and really, you are exaggerating. You have lovely straight teeth that are regular size)

[Kathy]

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!

[Laura]

My 2 year old son loves Dora, too and I am completely annoyed with this girly marketing. And like you, to me it is mostly annoying that the marketers are making her girly when she's really not! So much for building strong, smart women - stupid marketers think all little girls want are to be princesses!

My solution has been to build his interest in other things and move away from Dora. Dora's SCREAMING AT MY SON is obnoxious anyway.

[Devon Huntington]

I feel the same way. My daughter wanted Deigo panties but they don't make them. Only boy underpants. Also, My daughter loves princesses. So what I try to do is tell her about the good qualities each princess has. Like Belle, she likes to read and learn new things, kind and selfless, doesn't follow the crowd, does the right thing. Sees people for who they are, doesn't care about looks, ect.
I try to remind her of these things all the time. I don't want her growing up thinking that life is a fairy tale and she'll live happily ever after as long as she meets a prince.

[Sheila]

Amen. Times 10,000.

[Jessica]

I think that part of the Dora problem is that she is popular. We bought my niece a Dora battery operated four wheeler a few years ago when Dora was just starting to be popular and it's completely gender neutral. Red/yellow/orange/purple and that's how is should be. But as she's gotten more popular, and Diego came out, they are split them into boys toys and girls toys.

[Carolyn]

This princess thing is so prevalent that I actually know of a pastor who did a THREE-PART-SERMON-SERIES about the princess culture for little girls. Yes, three whole weeks of it. And it was actually very interesting. I listened to it on a podcast, as I am a mom of a 3-year-old daughter in love with all things princess.

[Maureen]

I saw a t-shirt for little girls that said, "President, Not Princess."

How awesome is that?

[Tanya]

I don't even have kids and this stuff makes me so frusterated. Well said!

And Maureen, where did you see that shirt?! I want to buy one for all of my nieces!

[emmysuh]

AMEN.

[Aunt Becky]

DUDE YEAH.

When I wanted to buy my son a doll when I was pregnant with his brother, it took me MONTHS of looking to find a non frilly looking one. I mean, HUH? Why can't boys have dolls that aren't FRILLY?

*headdesk*

(the stroller I ended up buying for his doll was over the top frilly. Nothing gender neutral there)

[Swistle]

"Exploring all the different ways he can express himself" is so genius.

I had not thought about that in re Dora etc., and you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Why is all GIRLAROOED??? And why is Wall-E only on BOY stuff?

[Sarah]

My son had the same toothbrush. I gave him the choice of the pink and yellow Dora or the blue and green Diego, and he wanted Dora. I, personally, would not mind is Dora never visited our house again (I like Diego better. He's not as high-pitched), but it's hard to say no when he says sweetly, "I watch Dora, please."

I am slightly guilty of propagating the princess thing, since I'm buying my niece some princess colouring stuff. In my defense, she does already like it, so let's blame her parents first.

[barbetti]

One of my younger sisters named her cat DORA after, yes, the cartoon, a few years ago and to this day I still cringe whenever I see the cat. It's not you, cat, it's what you represent!

[Pippi]

I hate Dora and her ilk because I feel like the show is really a thinly veiled commercial for all the Dora crap they try to sell us. So far my two year old doesn't know Dora or any other characters exist. I'm treasuring each and every one of these days before the storm hits because Dora, princesses, Bratz, UGHHHHH! It makes me want to throw things.

[Tiah]

My son likes pink. People's reactions to his request for say - the pink cupcake - is pretty awful. 'No, you're a boy - boy's like green.'

Cheers.

In the meantime, considering potty training the daughter. Trying to find panties for "you can wear these if you stop wearing nappies" has been hard. I refuse to put "princess in training" on her crotch or - even worse - cherries. CHERRIES! Come on people!

Interesting article on pink and marketing:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/mar/29/familyandrelationships.family1