Can we talk about maternity clothes here for a second?
Today I dressed myself in what I assumed was a reserved, attractive, black toile shift dress that I purchased at a consignment store several months ago, before I was really showing, for $10. It looks relatively cute when I’m standing up. It inspired no less than five compliments from co-workers in the kitchen this morning as I stood at the counter toasting up my bagel. And even though I bought it weeks upon weeks upon weeks ago, it still fits relatively loosely and will probably accommodate me and the parasite fetus for another couple of weeks.
I absolutely CANNOT sit down in it comfortably. I actually can’t even sit down in it MODESTLY. When I’m standing, the dress falls tastefully to my knees. But when I sit down? The hem hikes all the way up to my crotch. Now as far as I’m concerned, the only time I might need my general crotch area exposed to anyone or anything? It will be for a DAMN FINE REASON, like, oh, say, A BABY IS SHOOTING OUT OF IT.
I most certainly don’t need anyone here at work taking any type of gander at my (still non-maternity) underwear. Likewise, I also did not think that the drivers of the 25 dump trucks I passed on the way in this morning needed to see the generous expanse of milky white thigh I was unwillingly modeling from inside the car.
WHAT IS THE DEAL? Does anyone else have this problem? Why can’t someone design a maternity dress that accommodates the voluptuous and awkwardly shaped pregnant body while sitting AND standing? And presumably, without being floor-length and looking like it was designed by the Amish? As a result, here I sit, thankful that I keep a long black spring jacket in my cube. I used to keep it here because sometimes the office became intolerably cold. Now I am glad I’ve been keeping it here so I can drape it over my legs, therefore preventing me from flashing my private parts at anyone who stops by to chat.
[Update: I went home at lunch and changed clothes because I was so unbearably uncomfortable. This embarrasses me for some reason—I don’t want anyone in my office to actually notice that I changed clothes for some reason. I feel rather shameful about it. Therefore, I have told everyone who asked where my dress went that I had a major mustard incident at lunch. This is a complete and total lie, but I am okay with it. And yes, I would rather have people believe that I am totally inept when it comes to putting condiments on a sandwich rather than have them think I couldn’t handle three additional hours of wearing an uncomfortable dress.]
Also? I completely ran out of things to do at approximately 8:22 am. And that’s only six minutes after I got here. Which, incidentally, is about 16 minutes later than I’m SUPPOSED to be here. Thankfully no one ever notices that part.
But let me clarify: I am not talking about running out of REAL work. I actually ran out of REAL work—and by REAL work I simply mean anything I do here that contributes to the overall success and bottom-line of the company—about five working days ago. I simply mean that I have run out of ways to be entertained by the Internet. As a result, I am bored. I am grouchy. I am not entirely sure if I will be able to force myself to just sit here, at this desk, DOING NOTHING until 5pm this afternoon. Or tomorrow, for that matter.
And for the LIFE of me, I cannot even begin to imagine how frustrating this situation would be if this was January and I had returned to work on-site three months after the baby was born and somehow found myself paying someone $300 a week to take care of him just so I can sit here on my duff doing nothing.
AB. SO. LUTE. LY.
There are certainly times when my services here are needed all day. But those times are far, far outweighed by long, empty, fruitless days where I spent an hour or so doing billable work and then wile away the rest of my time here reading blogs or shopping for diaper bags or padding our baby registries with superfluous crap that I will never, EVER have room for in our teensy tiny house and that no one in their right mind would even think about buying for us anyway. Also I sneak out some afternoons to the gas station across the street for a bag of cheese puffs and a ginger ale. But this only kills about 20 minutes and then my fingers are stained orange for the rest of the day.
And although I am tired of the boredom and the occasional feeling of uselessness, I need this particular job. I need its flexibility, I need its low stress level, I need the bi-weekly paycheck. I do feel extremely blessed that I have a relatively easy way to earn needed income shortly after having a baby. But right now? While this kid is still inside of me, kicking me in the ribs and producing a liter of waste a day and elbowing me in the bladder so that I have to run all hunched over to the bathroom? IT IS EVER SO BORING TO JUST SIT HERE.
I have high hopes for more interesting content as the weekend progresses. I promise. But until then, how’s about a little help from all y’all? Discovered any new, exciting blogs lately? Wasting time at a website you don’t think I’ve heard of? Are you shopping somewhere FABULOUS online and you’re dying to tell someone about it? Also, I’m in the market for a new desk for our office: where would you look online? I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, so be generous.