There is something to be said for being a patient at an OB/GYN practice where all of the doctors are noticeably overweight.
And as someone who has never been much of a connoisseur of single-digit sizes (although if a pair of size 8 pants happen to fit, you better bet I’m laying claim to them, even if they have pleats and a tapered leg and a giant hole in the crotch just so I can say I’M WEARING PANTS THAT ARE A SIZE 8) I mean this in the least offensive way possible. There’s just something comforting about being weighed by someone who clearly weighs twice what you do and is not gestating anything except a hearty lunch and maybe a family-size bag of Doritos. (Speaking of which? Mmmmm, Doritos…)
I climbed onto the table in the exam room today before my doctor came in and wondered aloud to Dave whether I had gained four or five pounds or possibly more. I honestly have no idea what I weighed before I got pregnant, and I’m having a really hard time remembering what the scale said the last time I was in the office. (I think this could actually be a good thing.) Not that it mattered, because the doctor came in, took one look at my chart and exclaimed, “Well! At least you’ve FINALLY gained a little weight!”
I assure you, with utmost certainty: this is the RIGHT THING to say to a pregnant woman. I literally floated out of there, and then I went directly home for lunch to scarf down three homemade cookies that I had baked the night before and had held myself back from eating in order to prepare for the big weigh-in this morning. But now that there are another four weeks before I have to climb on a scale again? BRING ON THE COOKIES. Bring them on with tall glasses of milk and a side of ice cream.
I had held out hope that maybe my practice participated in the non-standard glucose test that involves drinking a full-sugar, non-diet soda and cramming the candy bar of my choice down my throat within 20 minutes, but alas, they do not. I will instead be subjected to the Disgusting Orange Bottle of Glucose Doom at my next appointment. And much to Dave’s dismay, we will also be signing up and paying for a two-day childbirth/newborn class at the next appointment as well. Upon learning this, Dave immediately vocalized his concerns about watching the childbirth video. I then calmly vocalized my concerns about replicating what happens in the childbirth video WITH MY OWN BODY in approximately four more months and that shut him up pretty quick. I am actually looking forward to the class—I know parts of it will be reiterative and boring and possibly useless, but it will be completely and totally worth it if I get to watch Dave’s reaction to information that my friends have already warned me about.
For instance, my friend Stacie called me immediately following her childbirth class to tell me that her favorite part was when the instructor assured the husbands of women who chose to breastfeed that they should not be alarmed if, during “intimate moments,” breastmilk happens to squirt all over them as a result of certain kinds of stimulation. I believe the woman actually said “squirt.” I am praying to God daily that our session is that candid. I realize that would make it completely awkward for Dave, but a few awkward moments will go a long way as far as making me feel better about that whole vaginal delivery BY MYSELF thing later on. (Not to mention it will make GREAT blogging fodder.)
The past few weeks have been a bit slow as far as nursery decorating is concerned, but I finally figured out and committed to some bedding and some artwork and how I’m going to display it, so I’m back on a roll again. We did a mock-up of a border with the art cards last night, but it just didn’t sit well with me and not just because they weren’t lined up properly or evenly or really, in any kind of organized manner. Borders still give me this creepy 1980’s vibe, so I’ve come up with another solution that I think will work beautifully and I hope to start working on it over the July 4th weekend. My parents have been extremely generous and ordered a gorgeous rocking chair for us, and it should be delivered in another month or so. So I’m feeling good that it’s starting to come together.
Now if we could just finalize that whole name thing, I think we'd be on to something.