It’s hard to believe that the Christmas season is officially over, isn’t it? Well, I guess it is unless you live in our house, the one that is now completely null and void of any kind of Christmas cheer as I was a virtual unshowered whirlwind of decoration elimination all day yesterday. When Dave got home from a shopping trip with his dad I broke the news to him gently.
“I hope you were done celebrating Christmas,” I said, gently. “Because I boxed it up and I need you to put all 200 tons of it back into the attic with those skinny arms of yours.”
Dave didn’t seem surprised, and frankly, I understood why. I finished my Christmas shopping in November so while everyone else was whoring themselves out at the mall like crazy during the week leading up to Christmas, I reorganized our entire house. Linen closet? Check. Buffet full of barware and stemware? Check. Bathroom cabinet? Check. Hall closet? Check. Junk drawers? Check. Master bedroom complete with closet overhaul and dresser drawer compartmentalization meaning PLEASE PUT YOUR UNDERWEAR AND SWEATERS IN THEIR DESIGNATED SEPARATE LOCATIONS? Check, check and check. In fact, I am such an insane psychopath that by 11pm on Christmas night I had already put away all of our gifts and then VACUUMED. I’m blushing a little bit just writing that, because I am obviously not quite right in a mental kind of way.
And even though Christmas is all about the giving and the charity or some crap like that, we still racked up some good old-fashioned loot this year. Dave got new speakers and a tuner (which is just a fancy word for a stereo if you ask me) and I got a new coat, luggage, a dustbuster (!!!) and some jewelry, but the best thing I received this year was my very own pair of lovely lovely snowshoes. Snowshoes! ACID GREEN snowshoes! I KNOW! That whole global warming thing better be a big fat crock because I am in serious need of a horrific, stranded-for-days blizzard.
Anyway, so that ended up being kind of a long introduction to the real meat of this post which was intended to be a rundown of some of my favorite Christmas moments from 2005. So. Without further ado, as they say.
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Favorite Salvation Army Bell Ringer Moment
Scene: Safeway, two weeks before Christmas. Dave is getting the car while Emily dumps her spare change into the little red pot that is manned by a large, overzealous black man with no front teeth.
Bell Ringer (loudly and with gusto): Thank you! Bless you! Merry Christmas!
Emily: Merry Christmas!
Bell Ringer (still loudly and with even more gusto): You are beautiful and you will be even until you are 70!
Emily: Uh… thank you?
* * *
Favorite Overly Sentimental Christmas Moment
Scene: Chili’s Restaurant and Bar, December 22. Dave and Emily are finishing up dinner with four friends.
Emily: I don’t know what is wrong with me, I cried at the stupidest Christmas commercial ever today.
Dave: You cry at everything. EVERYTHING.
Emily: Honestly, this was completely unnecessary crying. It was over a Little Debbie snack cakes commercial of all things.
Emily’s friend Christie: Oh my God, I know exactly what you’re talking about! The one with the little boy and the letter to Santa?
Emily: YES! YES! The letter about how he was very very good…
Christie: Yes! And then he remembers how he splashed in the tub…
Emily: And how he let all those dogs in the house that got mud all over the furniture…
Christie: And then he crosses out “very, very good…”
Emily: And then he crumples up the whole paper!
Christie: And writes instead that he has TRIED to be very good!
Emily: And I just broke down in tears!
Christie: Me too!
Emily: It was just so SAD!
Christie: I know! I know! Why do they do that to us?
Emily: I know, it makes me want to start crying RIGHT NOW just thinking about it.
Dave and Christie’s husband Travis: [closing their eyes, shaking their heads and sliding down in their seats in silent, distraught embarrassment]
* * *
Favorite Badly Communicating Husband Moment
Scene: Dave and Emily’s study on the morning of December 23.They have both taken the day off of work just to spend it together.
Dave: So we’re not getting each other speakers for Christmas?
Emily: Not unless you want me to return the gifts I’ve gotten you already.
Dave: You got me gifts? Already?
Emily: Dave. It is TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
Dave: So I should get you something.
Dave: Well, what do you want to do today?
Emily: I don’t know. What do you want to do?
Dave: I don’t know… maybe we could go to the mall and you can just keep your eyes closed.
Regardless of the miscommunication, Dave and I both agreed that this was one of the best Christmases ever. Very little stress, lots of friends and family to share it with and also? Kick-ass presents. Never underestimate the presents, especially the ones bought at the last minute which always, ALWAYS cost more. (Thank you, Dave!) I hope you all had memorable Christmases of your own. Next stop: 2006!